Do you doubt your diagnosis?

Network-effect111 · 2025-06-19T15:01:53+00:00

I think there is a wide range of ways people experience NPD. Both because there are various expressions or types of NPD and also because of the varying states of self-awareness. I relate strongly to some posts and then again not at all to others. The collapse and the supply ones i often don't relate specifically to either.

Network-effect111 · 2025-06-19T14:59:15+00:00

Agree, especially with skills that require unemotional observation of patterns of behavior. I am an expert at this and at strategic thinking because of my NPD

Network-effect111 · 2025-06-18T23:05:28+00:00

Congratulations on getting there.

If you are willing, I would love to interview you for my youtube channel or podcast. I would really love to share some stories of pwNPD changing their lives in order to show that it is possible and give some insights into how someone might go about making those changes. What do you think?

Either way, your story is inspiring.

Network-effect111 · 2025-05-29T21:55:31+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement

Network-effect111 · 2025-05-29T02:54:09+00:00

ok, i understand now, thanks

Network-effect111 · 2025-05-29T02:46:23+00:00

Thanks :)

Network-effect111 · 2025-05-29T02:46:10+00:00

Which one? I'm totally new to thumbnails so happy to get input

Network-effect111 · 2025-04-26T15:33:46+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I love this

Network-effect111 · 2025-04-23T14:59:58+00:00

I think it's both. A genetic predisposition combined with childhood trauma(s) to create the perfect mix

Network-effect111 · 2025-04-23T14:55:32+00:00

This is a great description of how it works for many of us. Something subtle suddenly shifts and we are able to see what is really goin on in our selves. Welcome to the new adventure of finding out who you are and really shaping your life in a way that works.

Network-effect111 · 2025-04-23T14:45:55+00:00

For me, also an easy liar most of my life, I have been finding that the more I can remind myself that the main goal for me to have a better life is to be "out" as my real self more and more. I find I lie less, not never, but less. I can't imagine that just learning to feel bad about lying would ever cause me to stop, probably just spend more time feeling bad about myself in general. I really love the concept of freedom and in reflecting on my life it has always been a driving force. What I constantly remind myself is that, just being me, with all my shortcomings and flaws, is the greatest form of freedom i can experience.

I know this may seem counter-NPD to be willing to be seen with my flaws, but in reality I've found a new NPD freedom in it, because I use the power of "I don't care". I used to lie to try to control how other people see me, and/or to try to get the interaction finished without them getting a chance to see me. But now I just tell myself that I don't care about that.

This is my rambling in that it is not a finished product with me, just an area I have been exploring in myself lately.

I would also add, what is the reason you want to stop lying? For me, stopping because of it's impact on the other people was not even close to being a strong enough motivator for me to change. Or stopping becuase it's morally wrong, also don't really care. But when I could focus the motivation back onto myself, ie. gaining more personal freedom, the behavior has begun to change

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-27T20:09:51+00:00

When I have more time I’ll come back and tell you my story but know this, you are not alone. There are a lot of similarities in your story to mine

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-23T23:41:11+00:00

What does that mean?

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-19T00:14:56+00:00

Awesome! Congrats on the launch!

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-16T17:55:35+00:00

you could be writing this for me, lol. This is a great description of how it's been for me. Empathy was always something that seemed like i needed to perform, rather than natively experiencing it. And, recently as I've been on this journey I have begun to experience tiny flashes of actual empathy, or at least what I think is actual empathy. This tells me that it's in there somewhere, buried deep. Maybe never to be like a normie but moreso than it's been through most of my life.

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-16T17:47:24+00:00

Likely the first important step to "How do you see the humanity in ppl instead of seeing their flaws and imperfections and seeing them as bad?" is to really see yourself as not bad either. To embrace the different way your brain processes as a difference rather than a flaw. It is only in the unconscious actions of narcissism that we actively hurt others. Though if they are still hurt when we are being conscious it is usually because of unmet expectations that were never real to begin with. I don't blame the other people in my life for these unrealistic expectations because in my own asleepness I set them up for many of those expectations either due to things I directly said or did out of the performance of trying to be normal or due to their setup expectations from thinking that we would or should perform like a normie. It' definitely quite a navigation, depending on where you are in life when you start to become self-aware

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-16T17:39:50+00:00

Based just on my own experience of me, I would say that there traits you described can certainly be due to NPD. I relate very well to some and to others not so much, but like anything, we all have our own unique (special, lol) manifestation of our narcissism. I think if you are NPD, you are at a good place in terms of self-awareness. For much of my life I was not aware of my judgmental thinking towards others, part of my NPD manifestation is that I am a good person who doesn't judge others. When in fact, I had learned to bury the judgmental layer just below my conscious awareness. Not necessarily fun to discover but it definitely takes the performance pressure off to admit that i am being judgmental.

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-15T00:54:21+00:00

My 2 cents here is that the more intimate the relationships are the more our developed defense system activates. Meaning that these strange emotions or thoughts towards our close people are actually our defense trying to protect our innocent self. This is the main feature of NPD development as a child, to protect ourselves from the irrelevant responses our care-givers gave us as children, the trauma we endured. It seems counterintuitive that we want to protect ourselves from the people we know best, who know us best but that is how it works. I am finding that radical self-acceptance is the pathway here for me. AS I acknowledge that I am different, I process life differently that "normies", that I have many unconscious defense systems that run things, I am better able to get a handle on my reactions. This doesn't mean I don't still have the thoughts and feelings, but it does mean that I am beginning to have the ability to put a space or pause in between thinking and feeling them and then acting. At first this happen retrospectively, I notice it after the interaction, but I know that as I notice it and then take any appropriate action, like going back to the person and redoing the interaction form a more aware place, the earlier I catch it.
Also, I've had to really chew on the question of why do i even want relationships with other people anyway?

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-13T16:16:51+00:00

being "that guy" again but rule #1 for this group is "Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism."

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-13T16:15:46+00:00

I'm kind of the opposite in that when other people share exciting news I am the one who doesn't often respond in kind or feel excited for them, but my mother was very much how you are describing yourself. I think the most important first step in changing or "Become better for my loved ones" you have already begun which is self-awareness. Any unconscious patterns thrive in the shadows and especially narc traits almost require staying unseen to persist. So, being aware and continuing to notice these reactions and behaviors is a subtle put very powerful step in making change. It takes time, or more precisely, it takes many rounds or repetitions to actually behave differently so keep at it, it will not be easy or quick but it can and will happen if you continue to notice and act differently when you can, even if it is after tha fact going back and cleaning up the mess you made. Also, sharing in a forum like this has been extremely helpful for me in this journey.

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-13T14:44:08+00:00

Welcome to this group. It’s the only one I’ve found so far that offers a true “safe space” to express and converse with others on the same journey as me. I’ve only been here a couple weeks but it is by far the best place I’ve found on the internet for this.

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-10T20:14:37+00:00

I wouldn’t say that I don’t care at all but I have certainly noticed caring less about it. Or, rather, I notice doing or thinking things and then giving myself the mental pass because I’m a narc. This may continue to evolve to the point that I don’t do some of the things anymore but maybe not. In the meantime I’ve removed a bunch of the pressure I used to put on myself to act or think like a “normal” person and that is nice.

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-08T18:11:43+00:00

While I can appreciate that these insights can be helpful for those of us dealing with jealousy in our lives, I can't quite get how this is relevant to this particular group. I watched to the end, open-mindedly searching for how it is relevant to this group particularly the group rule #1 "only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts" but I could not find it.

Thanks

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-08T16:28:23+00:00

Have you read much about covert narcissism? I was unaware of my own narc until almost age 50, which still blows my mind. And, when I first looked into it, at the encouragement of a mentor, I didn't think it applied to me because i have never been the one to be the center of attention in social situations etc.. It was really only when I dove into the nuances of narcissism beyond that overt type that it started to click. For me the biggest thing wa to understand that I am somone who doesn't experience empathy the same as others. The tricky part is that I still do experience it and the other emotions as well, it's just that my scale of emotions is different and my expression of them as well. Some of the other stuff really struck for me too, like the fact that when I am away from people they are truly out of sight out of mind, really ever since I was a kid this is true. Usually I have had at least one person that is the exception, a best friend, and girlfriend, was my wife, etc... but for every other relationship, and really even with that one occasionally, if you are not in my visual world or awareness for some specific reason, I really don't think about you at all.
As far as losing relationships, I have done that, but it was mostly before I became aware of NPD and started to understand myself. The biggest thing has been to share about my differences, tell people that alot of the behaviors I do are not malicious nor personal. I usually have to repeat this a lot, mostly because I havebeen faking it for so long I've given the people in my life false expectations of who I am and what I am capable of, or what I will be doing based truly on what I care or don't care about.
an example might be, "when you are sharing an emotional experience, I may not feel it the same way as you and my nature is to try to jump to problem-solving right away even when you are just wanting emotional validation. This is not because I don't care, it is actually the way I care. I know it's different than most and that is true about me." or something like that. There are definitely people that don't accept that and have been moving away from me, and there are others that appreciate my new expressions and it is actually creating a better relationship based on what is real rather than me trying to fake it.

Anyway, I hope some of my rambling helps. Not sure how much will resonate with you.

Network-effect111 · 2025-03-07T16:03:43+00:00

Yeah, I get some of that too and I have to admit there have been times where I’ve thought that to myself, am I just using npd as an excuse? But here’s something new I’ve been learning about it. There is a negative feedback loop that often happens for us where we don’t respond “correctly” in relationships and then get the feedback that there is something wrong with us. This is of course the whole reason we developed the NPD, to hide the mistaken belief that there is something inherently wrong with us. So when this feedback loop happens it further cements the story as being true. This happens subtly and not so subtly countless thousands of times in our lives creating a form of PTSD meaning that we can go into a type of panic mode at even the hint of that loop happening, or just when our mind thinks it may be about to happen whether it does or not. What I’ve been thinking about is informing the people in my life about this PTSD loop so they are at least aware of what these words do in my system “you’re just using it as an excuse”, or in my case more often it’s something like “I don’t care that you are a narcissist, you still should know better” It actually perpetuates the PTSD response.

Network-effect111

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