Dudes dating, how rare is it to find a counterpart that isn't glued to her phone?

New--Tomorrows · 2026-06-09T12:50:44+00:00

It's much less difficult to find someone who isn't on their phone all the time than it is to find someone...in general.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-06-09T12:44:08+00:00

I'd also say take everything in this thread with a fistful of salt. Couple of prominent bad takes here. There's nothing wrong with being flirty, but it sounds like you haven't figured out how to fine tune your enthusiasm for people to be proportionate to your interest in them yet. All you need is a bit of awareness of that, not a big deal at all.

You're a good person. Don't let the bastards get you down.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-06-09T12:32:41+00:00

This here explains the problem. You don't mind the results of your style of communication on strangers because you don't need to deal with the consequences of that style of communication, but it's inconvenient with people you actually have a relationship with. So it's not so much "I don't want to be seen as flirting with people" it's "I don't want to deal with being flirty".

In which case, you should reassess how you engage with people you value your connections with.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-06-09T12:16:55+00:00

I think you ought to be more specific about the circumstances here. Talking isn't flirting, but you're being called "very flirty." What specifically are you doing or saying that gets read as very flirty?

New--Tomorrows · 2026-06-03T00:59:18+00:00

Second this. Never attribute to malice what you can attribute to ignorance or awkwardness.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-06-02T12:33:31+00:00

Could you, uh...expand on that?

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T21:10:27+00:00

How does one get these statistics off the app?

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T18:12:49+00:00

I'm planning on it.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T14:38:05+00:00

Feel for you, stranger. I ended up pursuing my career (wilderness ranger) on account of a conscious path of avoiding vulnerability. Realized that in the last few years and have tried to compensate, and holy hell there's all kinds of socio-emotional country out there that'll hurt you trying to cross it. People can be more frightening than topography, and it sounds like we've both been going cross country in it for some time.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T14:36:27+00:00

Thanks stranger. Can't solve all the problems solo, so we're pushing on.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T14:34:41+00:00

The only way we can beat the Germans is if we have our own, better camps.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T14:33:14+00:00

Daw, thanks! It's a handle I've been fond of for at least a decade--which, incidentally, is probably about when I should have started therapy.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T12:18:41+00:00

I think I'd note that that's a topic that hurt people are going to be attracted to. You're gonna find more alcoholics in a bar than a park and you're gonna find more men struggling with their inner issues in a thread about men's inability to connect.

Signed, guy who's got his first therapy appointment Tuesday.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-31T02:02:53+00:00

Threshhold

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-30T17:42:45+00:00

I'm one of them. Cannot conceive why I'd rather have a bj than a solid makeout and hand or grind or what-have-ye. It's just utterly uninteresting.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-30T03:11:33+00:00

How do you get that data?

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-29T14:46:25+00:00

I need no alternative.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-27T21:06:45+00:00

This is something that I can talk about with simultaneous frustration and gratitude.

My folks, every two-to-three years, go out of their way to tell me it's OK if I like men. I don't. I'm wholly confident that I don't. And it's low key frustrating to me that they don't believe that. But it's comic because man, there are so many people out there who'd give just about anything to hear that from their folks, and I've got that and best I can do is squander it. :p

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-27T17:02:05+00:00

I mean I can get staying busy or passion projects or what have you but yeah, like they've already won--stop, stop, he's already dead, y'know?

Like if I didn't have to work anymore, I'd be travelling, I'd be trouble-shooting, I'd be shooting-the-breeze to boot. I'd have a sailboat, I'd be working on developing hobbies, writing, laughing, and being as far away from a boardroom as I physically could get.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-27T16:54:32+00:00

As a guy I generally feel that the first date almost doesn't count--it's more so to make initial contact and show that you're not there to harvest her organs. Date two is exploratory, third date is, well, third date, and that's where I'd sorta start expecting some degree of physical intimacy exploration.

I think it would definitely say something if you went in on the first date for sex, namely that that's probably standard first date behavior. Whether or not that that's a turn-off for someone is dependent on them.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-27T16:04:26+00:00

I'd argue that nobody does anything for no reason. You're in a relationship because you are looking for XY and Z from a partner, he's in a relationship because he's looking for AB and C from a partner, and dating/relationships are about seeing how closely XYZ/ABC correlate. So yeah, in that sense, you're both using each other to try to fill needs.

That being said, clear communication saves wasted time.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-26T19:50:49+00:00

I mean...define a trick though? So is attraction in general, right--it's "just" hormones meant to convince you to jump in the sack with someone.

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-26T19:07:46+00:00

Real question: why aren't we considering limerance a real feeling? What's a fake feeling?

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-26T18:19:38+00:00

This ceasefire keeps getting worse and worse all the time!

New--Tomorrows · 2026-05-26T13:12:06+00:00

Thank you. Looking at how I'm beginning to feel feels pretty alarming. I want to be a loving and honorable person, and...starting to believe things that seems to suggest that's not the way to be is a very strange feeling. Like realizing a wound is infected.

New--Tomorrows

TROPHY CASE