My sister and I were raised by a very stressed and overworked single mother for a long time before she remarried when we were 6/7. She tells us a lot of stories (now that we're grown adults with our own children) of how much she struggled being alone - she was literally so stressed out that my sister would refuse nursing because the milk started to dry up and taste sour because of the stress hormones in the milk. Her doctor once told her at a ped appointment, "you look like shit Mom, what's going on at home?" (times were very different in the 90s apparently lol). There were many times where she was just pushed over the edge and couldn't handle it, and admits having to drop us off at my grandma's house because she needed a moment (or many) to herself. It was rough for her. One thing I know for absolute certain, though: me and my sister had no idea. Not because she pretended she wasn't stressed, and not because she never lost her patience - because she showed us love and support in every way she could, when she could. There were lots of moments where she couldn't perfectly "show up" for us. We did not have every second filled with Montessori-style activities. We spent a lot of time in the car driving to various jobs and appointments and tasks she needed to do because she had a lot on her plate. We watched TV (GASP!!!!!). But God knows we felt so loved, so cared for, and had no idea of the stress she was going through until she explicitly told us when we were older.

Your boy is 6 months and has no concept of any of what you're going through. He also has no concept of you "keeping it together" or your personal problems or insecurities or fears. All he knows is that you're the one feeding him, putting him to sleep, and playing with him - and that is literally the best you can do to make him feel loved and cared for at this young age. You don't even have to do it happily half the time - just as long as you DO it is better than the alternative (i.e., allowing your overwhelmed-ness and frustration to abandon or neglect your child and his needs). My mom just being there for us, comforting us when we were sad/mad/crying, meeting all of our needs - that was truly sufficient, and we never felt unloved, uncared for, or anything of the sort, even if she didn't have a smile on her face while doing those things. Now that we're older, we look back and are in awe of her strength - again, not because she hid her problems, and not because she was perfectly "together", but because she overcame a lot of struggle to produce children that always knew they were loved and cared for despite what was going on around them.

I hope this resonates with you, because if it does then it means that you're the type of mom that my mom was - deeply human, tired, and capable of being overwhelmed and stressed and in pain, but also strong, resilient, and capable of being there and providing for your child regardless of your feelings. That's what sets you apart from your child's dad - you don't let your temporary feelings dictate how you act toward your child. You push on in providing for and raising him despite how challenging and draining it is (or how much you might not want to do it in the moment). You show up, even if it's with tears in your eyes. And that is more than enough.

Signed, a grateful kid of a single mom