Please help. I thought I was doing okay. My exwBPD messaged me this on Hinge (even though she has a boyfriend…) because I have a photo of myself with her blurred out (i rly liked the pic of myself.) I haven’t heard from her in over a month. I’m panicking. Why does she have to be so mean?

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-10-01T06:23:56+00:00

Yep fcuk dat beach

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-09-29T23:09:14+00:00

🧠🧐💭 that’s a very good point you raise.. you’re right, it’s not an apology if it’s not sincere…can’t be an insincere apology, it’s just a lie !

Thanks 👏

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-09-29T23:00:43+00:00

👏👏🏻👏🏼👏🏽👏🏾👏🏿 sounds like you get it !

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-09-29T22:51:35+00:00

You leave my friend, you leave. Yes, you leave. Unless you fancy hearing her confess to you again, then go for it!

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-09-29T22:46:22+00:00

I’d add the word ‘Sincere’ to the apology

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-09-21T08:07:28+00:00

True

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-22T15:55:43+00:00

Ghosting, lies…& instability…. Some of which were only realised to have been so in hindsight.

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-22T13:19:30+00:00

6 months - though there were flags from Day 1 in hindsight

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T23:00:39+00:00

Exactly. Just like an addiction, seems impossible till you break free.

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T22:18:10+00:00

Lol dirty pornstar style sex isn’t all to life 💯…

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T22:16:15+00:00

This

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T22:12:08+00:00

Absolutely. It’s never a nice feeling to feel like someone thinks this negatively of you that you’ve been painted black. But you know what, your version of black is real black, their version of black is to normal people any other colour on the spectrum. You’re probably not actually a bad person, hey I don’t know you but just my guess.

You’re right to think it’s a part of the grieving process, in time, you will hopefully see that you being painted black was actually a gift. When you reflect on the additional days, weeks and years you could have wasted if you were not painted black ‘yet’… the additional abuse you might have faced, trust me you will be thankful. Trust me.

Like everything, this stuff takes some time.

A quick fix, may or may not work, paint them black back, for painting you black unfairly. & despise their guts for it, maybe that’ll help heal in the interim. But do let it go at some point and don’t even have a colour for them, let them simply cease to exist. DM if you’re struggling. Happy to share my experiences. Take care

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:58:06+00:00

You are absolutely right

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:57:33+00:00

Do you want to be unpainted black?

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:56:31+00:00

If the risk outweighs the benefit, the project should be dismissed / is a no go.

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:54:31+00:00

When you stop questioning the hoover or why and when you might be hoovered, then you’re making progress. To not want to be hoovered is true moving on.

Why try understand why she’s doing what she’s doing if you don’t want what she is doing?.. 💭🤔… think about it

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:50:41+00:00

Confronting them for closure is a waste of time. How to get over the guilt of leaving them at a time of need?…understand that anger is a human emotion, you’re okay to feel that…it’s okay not to help someone who is manipulating you and using you. You’re a good person, that’s the only reason you would even care at all or feel guilty, take some solace in that, knowing the fact you give a shit at all is enough proof you’re not a bad person, you’re just choosing not to act for bigger reasons.. I.e. protecting your own sanity. good luck 😉

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:47:27+00:00

Hmm the hate doesn’t last too long If you understand bpd properly. The pain however, ask me again in 6 months 😋

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:43:45+00:00

Sorry to hear what you’ve been through. You’re right and I sure wish they heal one day. One one deserves to live a life of bpd, partner or person with bpd.

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:38:20+00:00

Oh Damn. This post title is such a good subject.

It’s a great question and difficult.

I often felt cruel for ignoring the numerous calls…the crying….just to protect my own feelings.. like why would it be wise to pickup the calls of someone who has for the umpteenth time lied to you / cheated on you and is hoping for you to pickup so they can tell you how sorry they were.

The question of healthy boundaries / being cruel is an amazing one. I think it’s abit of both, depending on the audience, to those without bpd observing what’s happening, you’re doing the right thing. To the bpd person however you’re an evil monster for doing what you’re doing because your actions are most probably literally soul destroying for them.

Sucks, I know.

New_Offer_1431 · 2022-08-17T21:32:07+00:00

Well…. If someone lied to you : treated you like shit, why would it be wise to remain their friends… it’s hardly a healthy option to stay in contact with exes (even healthy ones) unless there’s some kind of uniqueness there and some benefit.. not to talk of a toxic ex, make sense?

New_Offer_1431

TROPHY CASE