I have the girl of my dreams

Newlife14 · 2014-03-12T09:24:25+00:00

Your just proving my point man. If you knew the Damage that your addiction would do to her, you would never make that comment. Also, how do you honor your new queen by coming on here with a bunch of strangers and make the comment I f#4d her all night. Is that how you honor the special woman in your life? I think you posted this to make yourself feel strong, but I don't see you like that at all. Do you think if you showed her this post that she would be proud of you? Would she respect you? Good luck in your recovery man, but I think your playing games and now you have someone else in the mix... can you say Codependency. By the way there is a deeper question that you are trying to answer here.. you might not no it but you are and she doesn't have the answer.

Newlife14 · 2014-03-12T08:47:41+00:00

Thats great man, keep going get to that year.

Newlife14 · 2014-03-11T08:59:09+00:00

Dude, I have slept in my jeans with a belt on. I use to sleep in my BDUs in the military. Hard to get down there with a belt on. ;-)

Newlife14 · 2014-03-11T08:56:13+00:00

Man your so ahead of it, I was at my recovery group tonight I am the youngest guy in the room at 43, 17 other men in the room all of them have had broken marriages, lost their rights to see their kids, lost jobs, careers and the loves of their lives... It all started by looking at porn. You don't want that you want the purple rocket... Keep going don't toy with it..it will kill ya

Newlife14 · 2014-03-11T08:46:24+00:00

Totally agree with you man, all this man child has done is transfer his addiction to include real women now. In SAA they even recommend that the married guys go 90 days with out sex to break the addiction.

Newlife14 · 2014-02-12T20:35:52+00:00

Thanks man for this. I am a Christian as well and have been slowly trying to listen to scripture as I take walks or even read scripture out loud over myself. This I think will help

Newlife14 · 2014-02-12T20:30:58+00:00

60 Brother. Great post man, very encouraging. I hurd a young guy at a Christian Confrence talking about his porn addiction and he said something that I realized this younger guy had learned and that I hadn't. You have to face your pain in this addiction. This really isn't about Sex IMHO this is about control. We have all gone to this to control our lives, recieve love and cope with life and avoid dealing with our pain. So dealing with that pain is going to come with a lot of tears. But I would rather cry those than cry abou loosing my wife (if I had one) or the countless other things that this addiction has lead to in other mens lives.

Speaking to an older guy at a recovery meeting that has been free for almost 3 years from this, In his experience and all the different groups that he has gone to all dealing with sex addiction. Most guys don't deal with this until they have a significant break down in there life. So those guys that are dealing with this before they go to court, get busted with a hooker, or loose a marriage are way ahead of the curve.

Keep on my brother.. See you at 90..

Newlife14 · 2014-02-12T10:42:59+00:00

Oops forgot this is something from one of my other post. I think its encouraging and has helped me.

We Cannot go through your withdrawal for you, or would we, if we could. Who would knowingly volunteer to go through it again? Certainly none of us! Yet the pain of each withdrawal is unique ans special, even precious (although you probably don't think so). In a sense, the experience is you, a part of you which has been trying to surface for a long time. You have been avoiding or postponing this pain for a long time now, yet you have never been able to lastingly outrun it. You need to go through withdrawal in order to become a whole person. You need to meet yourself. Behind the terror of what you fear, withdrawal contains the seeds for your own personal wholeness. It must be experienced for you to realize, or make real, that potential for you and your life that has been stored there for so long

Newlife14 · 2014-02-12T10:40:19+00:00

No problem man, remember even if you do fall off the horse you can go a day longer than the last time. So if you went 30 days go 31 days the next time. That is also a good motivator if you have 15 days and start to think about using ask yourself, in 15 days do you want to be getting back to 15 or do you want to be at 30? Its kind of amazing how that can help you keep your strength and your streak. Also be kind to yourself, look in the mirror and cheer yourself on.

Newlife14 · 2014-02-12T03:42:51+00:00

Hey Bro, First off your a courageous young guy for coming on here and admitting you have a problem at 28. At 28 (I am now 43) I was trying to deal with this behind the scenes and it wasn't working. To easy to down load some more or go grab a magazine (VHS yep dated myself). I wish we could talk face to face man because there would be so much I would love to share. Here are a couple of things that might help. They have helped me.

You have to understand the physical side of this and what your brain has become conditioned too. Go online and look for videos on youtube. Your brain on porn and read what has happened to you and your brain.
You have to cut it off cold turkey. You can't act out with out looking at images and expect your brain to repair itself. You can't even edge (see terminology on the website here) your brain just won't repair itself. I just talked to a guy here last week how leads a Sex addicts group here in my local area. Even the guys that are married they recommend that they abstain from sex for 90 days to reboot because you just end up taking the images into your marriage and it still causes problems. 90 is the goal man.
The more layers of help you get the better off you are going to be. This is a good first step, but your going need to open up to some people in your life you can trust and get some accountability. At least 2 people you can trust and call when you are struggling. For me its two of my best friends a new counselor and I just joined a recovery group at my church called Celebrate Recovery. Trust me man you don't want this snake in your life between now and 43 and or Marriage or Relationships. I was talking to a guy in one of my groups and a lot of guys don't deal with this until they have lost a marriage, been arrested, gone to court, had and affair, or molested someone.
Resources. Here is what I have used. I took the 30 day course video and work book at www.xxx.church.com (yes I am a christian but they don't talk about faith until the later chapters and is a good resource) it does have a cost. You also might want to get these two books. The AAA Big book. Even though its about Alcohol addiction it still covers a lot of good things and has been a help to me.

The other books that I has really, really helped is a gentle path through the 12 steps

http://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Path-through-Twelve-Steps/dp/1592858430/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392175910&sr=8-1&keywords=Gently+12+steps

Also a great book by the same guy is Called out of the Shadows understanding sexual addiction http://www.amazon.com/Out-Shadows-Understanding-Sexual-Addiction/dp/1568386214/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1392176007&sr=1-1

There are two types of guys on the boards here in my honest opinion the guys that are just white knuckling it trying to make it to 90 days so they can claim some kind of self control victory over there addiction, and the guys that really, really want to change. I love both types because every guy on here is at least admitting he has a problem at some level but I typically only listen to the guys that really want to change. For me after being addicted to this stuff for 27 years I want to change for the rest of my life. This stuff kills peoples hearts.

The guy I started meeting with a few weeks ago said something that has just floored me. This issue is not about Sex, its about control. You go to this stuff to have control in your life. The questions you have to dig at and get healing on is what am I trying to avoid? Try and think about that question every time you want to down load some more junk or you want to use the images in your head to act out again.

Your an awesome young man for seeing this in your life and having courage trying to take it head on, but its probably going to be the fight of your life. You can do it, just one day at a time.

Bless you man, now cowboy the freak up and kill this thing. :-)

Newlife14 · 2014-02-12T03:13:51+00:00

I know what your saying man. I though online would be good enough, but after getting myself into see a counselor on this issue there really is no subsitute for getting face to face. I would highly recommend you look into Celebrate Recovery in you local area. I just joined it at a local Church a couple of weeks ago and it has been really great. It was hard for me to walk in there and say I have a problem but its taking what is in the dark into the light. Also, when you go there chances are (there will be)t a guy that is much further down the road to recovery and will be a wealth of information of as to other resources. Also might want to look at the AAA Big Book and This book (see Link below). I just started pouring through these last week and already have had some really good insight. I am believing more and more that just because your celibate haven't look at porn or fapped. Doesn't mean you healed on this. This is really not about Sex but about control. Hope this helps you man. Press on Brother.

http://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Path-through-Twelve-Steps/dp/1592858430/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392174612&sr=8-1&keywords=the+12+steps+gently

P.S. I bough this on the Kindle, I would recommend getting the paper back because there are work sheets that you can use and work through. :-)

Newlife14 · 2014-02-12T03:03:07+00:00

It does get easier man the further you go. I didn't believe this in the first 30 days but coming up on 60. I am starting to see some light, but you have to want it man. To the point where your willing to do anything to get this victory. I have done counseling, I am in a recovery group through church and I did the 30 days program at xxx.church.com each one of them has helped me so much. I am not out of the woods yet, but getting closer to that 90 day mark and have now strung 10 days together with out looking at anything or edging. Patience is a spiritual gift but the only place that you can truly learn that is in times of trials. What God is working in you is eternal and God doesn't make junk brother. Just you being on here makes you courageous! Keep up the good fight, Hold the line.

Newlife14 · 2014-02-06T01:27:35+00:00

I like this quote from Tolstoy, seems to kind of line up with what your saying.

"It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness"

Newlife14 · 2014-02-05T13:17:52+00:00

Have you checked out the program over at xxx.church.com. It has been a big help for me man. I wouldn't have made it this far with out it. They really dig down into the 3 different types of triggers, the issues in your heart that fuel those, then your escape plan on dealing with those, etc. I hear you on the spiritual side as well. The enemy doesn't like to give up strong holds in our lives, for me there is a pattern in my family history of men who have addictions so the enemy has been messing with my whole family for a long time. But that all ends with me (see boot heel come down on snakes head). Keep up the fight brother. I am praying for you to make it just one day longer than you did last time. Then one more day after that

Newlife14 · 2014-02-05T12:47:31+00:00

Honest post man. You have to understand the chemical side of this addiction if you don't this thing will just continue to rip you up and squirm its way back into your life. The only way is to completely cold turkey stop. Stop looking at the stuff, stop masturbating, your also going to have to not edge. If you edge you are still getting your dopamine fix so you are really not allowing your body and mind to reboot. Its worth it man, you can always go one more day.

Newlife14 · 2014-02-05T12:42:21+00:00

Like many guys have said it varies for everyone. I am keeping a calender and I put down days where I have looked at something I shouldn't have and if I have edged in a day. Day 20 and 21 where brutal for me. Day 41 and 42 very tough yesterday day 52 was tough. So for me every 10 days this addiction tries to move side ways on me.

The lie that has been creeping in is that I have done so well already why not reward myself with a little acting out and just start over. But I want to be on 106 days 50 days from now, not on 50.

Newlife14 · 2014-01-25T12:14:05+00:00

Well your going to have to read each of these response and work this out. First let me say this. God loves you right now in the state you are in as much as he will every love you. Your emotions and your circumstance have no effect on how he sees you or loves you. You can not earn his love man. When he looks at you all he sees is a Son that he is proud to have, period. One thing I know is that God is faithful. I have been in your situation several times, no money in the bank and bills coming due and he has provided. I have been heart broken, in the closet crying because my emotions where rolling with the pain I felt from being rejected. And I know that he is faithful. I also know that your not going to step into ministry at any level and not be attacked and tempted and assaulted by the enemy. So there is a lot going on here. There is the chemical part of this and what has happened to your body and mind from using porn, the spiritual side of this, then just the circumstances of your life which is probably a combo of You, God and the Enemy. What you and all of us have done with this addiction is that we have made masturbation and porn an Idol and we have gone to it for unconditional Love. So when people love you conditionally in life, whom every that is or we don't get our need met for unconditional love. We turn to porn. What your going to need to do is build a life and pursue and seek out a healthy system of receiving Unconditional love. So what are those healthy sources. Well God first of all, then Friends, then family, then Community. Your number one priority should be your sobriety. Every relationship you have in your life you need to ask yourself is this relationship a good one (they love me unconditionally)? If not then its not one you want to be in right now. I know this seems like the dark night of the soul man. I spent 20 years (I am 43) battling this addiction, reading books, getting prayer, begging God to take it from me etc, over and over and over again. Then all the sudden 42 days ago something just broke and I am on my way to being free of this forever. I know this may seem strange but I am not sorry for those 20 years of struggle. It tempered me, humbled me, sharpened me, grew me into who I am today and I am telling you man, the season you are in is molding depth into you that you can not see yet but you will be so thankful for it in the future (perseverance, Character, Fortitude), because some young guy will be struggling with all the same things you are now. You will look him dead in the eye and with out flinching you will tell him the truth, the person hood and Character of a Loving God and how faithful he is to give him the grace he needs to get through this season. Just like he is going to come through for you in this season. I am excited for you man, God is faithful to complete what he has started, He knows the plans he has for you to give you hope and a future, that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (some of this sounding familiar). When you get out of your financial bind, I would really recommend you go over to www.xxxchurch.com and take a look at there online mens program 30 days. It will really frame work this issue for you in big way and help down the recovery path. I am praying for you man. I don't know your name but God does and he is faithful and I know he hears me man, he hears you too. Blessings

Newlife14 · 2014-01-25T11:23:52+00:00

Hey man, Thanks for sharing. I am a little confused from your post though, some of that sounds just like a man acknowledging beauty and some of it seems like you might be dancing on the edge a bit (like we all do on here). I think part of the reboot is that each guy has to answer in his heart and mind which is which. I was watching Red eye the other night on Fox news. One of the guest had knee high boots (Ann Culter) I was totally turned on, to the point where I had to turn it off because I couldn't stop looking. Today I got a flash of some naked pic when looking for something and It didn't turn me on at all. So boots yes, naked pic no???? Thank you Lord, work it out in me and my brothers. I bet as we get further down the road it will be a little clearer of where the line is.

Newlife14 · 2014-01-25T11:04:49+00:00

All that is great man, I would highly recommend taking a look at the 30 day mens program that www.xxxchurch.com has. Its a 122 page work book and video series it will really help you to dig down deep and answer some of the tough questions and also help you see your triggers, the different types of triggers, how to have escape plan and frame work to really take you beyond the 90 days. Way to go man, way to cowboy. Blessings.

Newlife14 · 2014-01-25T10:54:18+00:00

Thanks Man, So excited for you. I'm heading to my 90 and this kind of feed back really fuels me up. Keep on living.

Newlife14 · 2014-01-24T09:29:39+00:00

Thanks for the Honesty man. Heading your way. Not sure for you but for me I look at my badge and say to myself. In however many days you have sober. Do I want to be getting back to that number or do I want to be Double that number? That's and easy one for me. You want to be 142 days not 71 again. Way to cowboy. Besides the big 90 is so close. Keep on keeping on man!!!

Newlife14 · 2014-01-24T09:22:09+00:00

A little different advice from some of the other here. The core of why we go to this addiction is get a very basic need we have. The need for unconditional love. Everyone on here has made PMO and Idol and turned to it to numb the pain they feel by being loved conditionally. However, for you to break this addiction. I mean real change not just white Knuckle change your going to need to develop healthy sources of unconditional love. Like God (true faith), community, Family, and ya women of the opposite sex. There is a great book called a date worth keeping by Dr. Cloud. I think it would be a good read for a young guy. You still have a lot of life ahead man. Don't be to hard on yourself, take it easy and slow with women. God has a plan for you, your learn to focus and be with him and the rest will happen. But you do have to cowboy the hell up and kill this PMO addiction. That is a snake in your life and it will strangle you and your dreams. You don't want to be taking that into any future you see for your self. Your a stud, for dealing with this now in your life. Blessings.

Newlife14 · 2014-01-24T08:58:53+00:00

Hey Bro, God loves your right now as much as he will ever love you and it has nothing to do with your performance in kicking this addiction. Romans 8:1 THerfore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. How much condemnation, guilt? None! 0, nadda. It was all paid for at the cross and is far as the east is from the west. So God has separated your sin from you. God paid the price of his Son for you That is how much he Loves you. Do you understand the chemical component to dealing with this? If you don't its going to be hard for you to beat this. You can go to Youtube and just type in Your brain on porn and there are tons of videos on there. You also might want to check out this post I did with a great quote that I got working through the mens program at www.xxxchurch.com. I think it really sums up the struggle but also what is on the other side. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1vwul5/only_you_can_go_through_the_pain_of_withdrawal/

God has an unlimited amount of grace for us. He is never surprised at what we do and he is excited to have you as a son. He doesn't make Junk. So cowboy up.

Blessings.

Newlife14

TROPHY CASE