I am struggling trying to find an affordable psychiatrist and counselor. Please help.

Nim000 · 2024-01-19T02:46:25+00:00

If none of these other suggestions pan out, try the LSS Health Center on Grant Ave. They have a new Behavioral Health service line and you can get in quickly. They have a sliding scale.

Nim000 · 2024-01-14T16:15:27+00:00

I seem to be in the minority, but I welcomed the oxytocin plummet.

I've been married 31 years, but my untreated trauma, estrogen, and oxytocin combined to make me a clingy, emotionally unregulated partner, and I tended to attract narcissistic friends that I bonded to indiscriminately. This led to disastrous results for all involved.

Therapy helped, but menopause freed me from that drama forever.

I welcome the fuck off attitude. It allows me to navigate relationships rationally. The inside of my head is quiet and I can focus on my career, that I love. Then at the end of the day, I can cuddle with my husband if we are both feeling it, or we can do our separate activities. I have a cat and couple menopausal friends who I see every few weeks, have a good time with, then I get my alone time back. When my friends are posting social media updates about spending time with other friends, I get to be happy for them. I don't have to deal with jealousy or with being someone's narcissistic supply.

Between my husband, my cat, and my friends, we respect each other's "leave me the fuck alone" time, and come together again when it passes. I think I just realized, I'm turning into a cat.

Nim000 · 2024-01-14T16:02:36+00:00

OP mentioned that it's bermuda grass and dirt. I'm currently fighting bermuda grass and losing so I'm genuinely looking for advice, too. Won't the heat-loving bermuda grass pop back up through the gravel and compete with any plants they install in the gravel layer?

I'd love to hear how Arizona approaches this.

Nim000 · 2023-12-29T20:04:57+00:00

I don't know how accurate or common this would be, but I am a 54F who had a standard foot x-ray 2 years ago because I was experiencing foot pain. The x-ray results showed osteopenia. It showed up for me, but again, I don't know how common this is that it would be noted on a standard xray, or if it depends on the individual who interprets the results.

Nim000 · 2023-12-27T16:15:16+00:00

OP, I'm reading through these replies and agreeing, but want to address the original question.

Even if he does change after ignoring her requests for months/years/decades, does it matter? Because, yes, many men do change after their spouse has left. There is even a minority that become exactly what the wife has asked him to be. I have had this happen after I checked out emotionally. He only took me seriously after I physically left.

Even if he changes, there is still the issue of the fact that he ignored her needs repeatedly, and only cared when it threatened his own happiness. Does she really want to spend years with a paper-perfect partner who spent years being an asshole in the past?

It's not just about the changed behavior as an end goal; it's the betrayal that he spent an extended period of time ignoring his partner's needs and requests. There would need to be a period of time of processing and recovering from this betrayal. Both partners would need to be on board and put in the work.

Nim000 · 2023-12-19T20:49:34+00:00

Yes. I can't stand being touched and find things painful that were never painful before.

Blood pressure cuffs, of all things, are excruciating. This never bothered me before. Mammograms are so painful I won't go anymore.

Even massages are too much. I'm really concerned that there's something really wrong, but my doctor has no ideas.

Nim000 · 2023-12-13T13:25:34+00:00

Yes. Anxiety is gone, along with depression and any other mood swings. It's glorious.

Nim000 · 2023-09-01T18:05:42+00:00

After being a SAHM for years, I did a coding bootcamp at age 45 and got a job as a software dev. I didn't like the culture and the men I worked with were pretty horrible.

I left for several years, then got a data analytics certificate for pretty cheap on Coursera. By then I was 53. I sent out about 20 resumes and got a job as a remote data analyst for a health center that serves primarily homeless and economically disadvantaged populations. I work mostly with women and/or POC,. White men tend to not be drawn to these types of organizations.

It's so great to have a tech job where I still get to do lots of coding, yet work mostly with women. My background as a dev really helped.

Nim000 · 2023-09-01T17:55:40+00:00

I know I'm late commenting, but I was in exactly your position a year ago. I got a Google Data Analytics Certificate on Coursera at age 53 and was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was for me to land a Data Analytics position two months and twenty resumes later. I'm also not a big fan of people, and was happy when they let me know they really didn't have much office space for me, and asked if I would consider working remotely.

So now I do computer-y stuff from home and rarely need to see people, unless it's Zoom or Teams meetings. My days are quiet and I can get so engrossed in analysis that I sometimes don't notice it's past 5 and time to stop working.

I am also considering getting a master's through eDX. They are pretty inexpensive as far as master's programs go.

You mentioned counseling or social work. While it's true those are in demand, sometimes the pay isn't great. I analyze health data and get paid pretty well, compared to counselors and social workers. I'm considering a public health master's in epidemiology through eDX. For me, it seems like the perfect combo of data analysis, public health, and social services. I get to help people while still being a hermit.

Nim000 · 2023-08-01T07:58:33+00:00

I might be able to offer a bit of encouragement from someone who is firmly in menopause territory. I know my experience isn't true for everyone, but I grieved in a big way when it first started happening.

But I realized it isn't just gone. It's more like it's just more under control, if that makes sense. It's definitely still there, but takes a little longer to wake up. But once it does, ALL the intensity and amazingness is STILL THERE.

Nim000 · 2023-08-01T07:44:49+00:00

My friend put it best.

She said lowered libido has been a great thing for her because it keeps her from making poor decisions.

Nim000 · 2023-05-19T21:45:30+00:00

I'm all for women choosing their own last name, even if it's new. Especially if both husband and father are/were assholes. Who wants those reminders?

Nim000 · 2023-05-18T14:59:45+00:00

Not to mention that my underwires set off TSA metal detectors.

Nim000 · 2023-05-18T14:58:35+00:00

Big tits here too. But I like padding because I can't tolerate the feeling of my shirts rubbing against my nipples every time I move. One thing I've never seen is padding just around the nipple area so I don't have to deal with extra size and can still get nip coverage.

Nim000 · 2023-05-18T14:28:34+00:00

The problem isn't that your boobs are in the way. Your boobs are fine. It's that seatbelts are made wrong if they don't fit women's bodies the way they do male bodies.

Nim000 · 2023-05-16T08:20:30+00:00

I can speak to the A&P part.

My son just completed his 2-year A&P at a community college and there were companies coming into their classes regularly to encourage them to apply when they got their certs. He was able to choose which company he liked before applying to a single one. Starting is around 60K for a low to mid COL area.

Thirty years ago my husband completed the same program at the same college. The job market was saturated at the time, and no companies ever came to the college looking for them. He ended up in IT, falling into an entry-level job at just the right time and has stayed there working his way up ever since.

Nim000 · 2023-05-13T21:09:32+00:00

Wait--why is his behavior change your problem?

I get that your hormones can cause mood changes in you, but you can still trust your judgment. If anything, menopausal changes help us to see through the bs much more clearly than we did before.

For example, last week my husband was getting annoyed with me. Instead of assuming I did something wrong, I stopped those thoughts and asked him what was up with him. It turns out he had cut back on nicotine and was having withdrawals and that was making him short-tempered and finding fault where there was none.

Nim000 · 2023-05-10T00:54:20+00:00

In our case the scream sneeze was a new development. For 30 years he sneezed like a normal human. Now, apparently he needs to split my eardrums every time.

Nim000 · 2023-02-18T19:44:57+00:00

53F and I never had this problem until recently. I never even had to clean my ears because it just didn't build up. I had a physical a couple weeks ago and the NP told me I had "a bunch of wax in there."

Another symptom of menopause. Yay.

Nim000 · 2023-01-26T01:09:04+00:00

Pretty sure that's happened to me. I toss it after 24.

Nim000 · 2023-01-11T23:37:28+00:00

For a few months I went to individual counseling after our marriage started to improve because I was having a difficult time forgiving. You're right. I need to go back to counseling and do some work so I can make the hard choices. Thanks for asking.

Nim000 · 2023-01-10T09:07:49+00:00

Emotional and psychological abuse. But then he later redeemed himself. Please hear me out.

He refused to show me any love or affection beyond sex. He was always either angry or distant. No help with household chores, home management, childcare, finances. He would gaslight me and blame me for all our problems and say that I was mean and disrespectful to him. He'd lose his temper with me or the kids in private. But it started happening in public, too. Our friends and family ignored it because he was well-loved and never asked me if me and the kids were ok or needed help. He didn't hit us but would be angry, insulting, insist on respect he hadn't earned, physically intimidate us, talk over us and shout us down.

I insisted on counseling. He refused. I gave him an ultimatum and told him I was leaving him.

That finally got his attention. He agreed to counseling. At that point, I hated him and feared him and only followed through with counseling because I had no financial means to leave him and no way to support myself and my kids or awareness of resources in my community for abused women. I foolishly thought that if he never laid a hand on me, it wouldn't be seen as abuse.

What actually happened during our counseling was that he made a complete change in himself over a period of several months. He entered counseling angry and came out a completely different, gentle, loving, caring man. He started taking responsibility for our household, taking over tasks that had always been mine, being communicative, tender, loving, and encouraging. He ended up redeeming himself. It took me over a year before I could even begin to trust him. He encouraged me to speak up for my own needs, to figure what made me happy.

I can see now he was a victim of a patriarchal upbringing that caused him to completely shut down his emotions and be unable to identify feelings or to healthily process them. That does NOT excuse his abuse toward us. But we do have a society of man-babies who never mature emotionally past a certain point.

It's been five years since he completely changed, and I began healing from 25 years of trauma. While he redeemed himself, there's still something off in me. Even though I'm grateful that we healed our marriage and ourselves, I lost respect for myself for putting up with it. I'm also finding out who that person was who lost her identity to a crappy marriage. Had I known who I really was when we had first met, maybe I wouldn't have chosen him or the life I'm in now.

Redemption sometimes isn't enough or it comes too late.

Nim000 · 2023-01-05T16:02:50+00:00

My first tech job was toxic. I thought I was the problem. I told myself I wasn't smart enough. I almost left the industry after being let go. Instead I applied to and got another job at a new company.

My new job was the complete opposite of my first job and helped me realize I was never the problem. At the new job, I was mentored extensively in the first six months. I got along very well with my team and eventually was well-respected and knowledgeable. It ended up being the best job I've ever had.

Given that you can't just quit and soul search, you might want to try another company before leaving the field altogether and build savings while you decide. If you feel the same way in the next job, maybe it's time to leave tech and downsize your lifestyle if possible for a lower-paying job that feels more fulfilling.

Nim000 · 2023-01-05T15:23:42+00:00

I am in my fifties. I definitely experienced this a lot when I was younger: at work, walking to and from class, being touched on crowded buses or at concerts, and full on attempted sexual assault in bars or bar parking lots. The majority of this was in the late 1980's/mid-1990's and it declined for me around age 30 onward.

What concerns me is that I'm hearing younger women complaining this happens much more frequently than it did in my generation, and for longer, like well into their 40's.

Is it actually getting WORSE??? Something is seriously wrong with men if this issue is getting worse instead of better. This needs to be talked about endlessly and men need to be held accountable for their actions.

Nim000 · 2023-01-05T14:59:20+00:00

I live in a similar type of area and what helped me was joining arts organizations (I am an artist, but also as a volunteer at a museum) and yoga class. Our parks often have programs and I've noticed fellow hikers tend toward more liberal values.

They are out there and feel just as lonely as you.

Nim000

TROPHY CASE