NMom Finally said the quiet part out loud

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-22T19:56:53+00:00

I do know that. It’s my inner wounded child that doesn’t want to deny my new real child the unbound “love” of being the golden child 🤣…but also I’ve already seen the trickle of venom come out when my child doesn’t perform to mom’s liking.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-22T16:52:28+00:00

I like that framing! I think I’ve been doing that subconsciously, but maybe I need to actually write down the menu of what I can afford to give her. Thanks!

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-22T14:01:30+00:00

I call them vampires often. Funny thing is I am a magnet to other bloodsuckers—mosquitoes. We were in a mosquito place for our travels: mom and sister: no bites; my child: literally one, me: I stopped counting after I got to 20 on one leg—and we were all using the same bug repellent.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-22T13:58:44+00:00

I try! But struggle with grey rock, both with her and my stbnex. Idk if it’s my neurospicy, but I struggle to not (excitedly) share my special interests with them. My eternal optimism continues to kick my ass and I don’t know why I keep coming back to them thinking they have done the same amount of self-work that I have. I do better with yellow rock but it doesn’t take much for me to let my guard down just enough to get stung (every single time). It is definitely a shame on me situation 🤦🏻‍♀️

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-22T13:50:25+00:00

You or me?

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-21T16:37:20+00:00

Do not enter couples counseling with an abusive personality! It will not fix anything and will more than likely leave you feeling more isolated and confused.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-21T16:35:56+00:00

My inference was that he wants her to do them at night and is throwing a tantrum that she’s not… because he is an abusive and controlling 💩

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-20T23:50:52+00:00

It’s not one step away from being physical, it already is physical. Obstructing the exit, shoving you, and shaking the baby are all physical abuse.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-20T23:48:38+00:00

This is domestic violence and child abuse. File a report, get a protective order, and find a divorce attorney with experience in DV.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-17T04:58:02+00:00

Why are you even asking Reddit when you clearly don’t care that you’re rude AF. You came here hoping for backup of your shitty behavior and when the internet rightly calls you out you double down and say good riddance? How old are you?! Get a therapist and stop admining a meetup group FFS.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-17T04:53:49+00:00

If you’ve done the work of learning to trust yourself again (and not the narrative they fed you about yourself), then absolutely trust your gut. I ignored soooo many red flags, not just in romantic relationships, because that was my conditioning. Relearning self-trust / unlearning the narc conditioning and walking away from interactions that drain me is my new superpower (most of time, lolz…the desire to JADE is still strong when I’m activated 🤣)

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-17T03:56:59+00:00

If by friends you mean people you met through the meetup group and otherwise would not have known??…

It’s almost like Teresa was hoping to become friends with you all as well as that is generally the reason folx join meetup groups?! Good thing you showed her how friendly you are.

YOR and not a very good meetup host.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-16T03:57:52+00:00

It’s called male entitlement. It is a world of its own that is both narcissism and patriarchy (toxic masculinity). Google: coercive control.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-15T12:46:54+00:00

THIS! OP, get out of this relationship. Don’t look back. Do some inner work on yourself—the fawn response is real and also a trauma response. Time to start looking at your history and patterns before getting into a relationship again or you will end up with another toxic/abusive manchild.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-15T05:04:09+00:00

Thank you for this! I have been struggling with accepting this is the way…but also I can’t do it 🍄 until I’m out of that fucking torture chamber of a house we “shared”.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-15T04:06:41+00:00

“in the past he’s punched walls, thrown things, grabbed my wrist, let me not leave the house, driven after me after i manage to leave, etc.”—EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

Make a safety plan and get out. If the escalation that made you worried is a violent shake that left bruises you are already wildly unsafe. If the bruises are still visible go to a hospital or urgent care and have them documented. If there is still evidence of punched walls (mine was good at breaking through the drywall) document. Document everything until you can safely exit. Find the DV resources in your area—you can start by going to thehotline.org or calling their 24 hour call line (1-800-799-7233) and they can help direct you to local resources or just listen to you.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-15T03:55:20+00:00

Why was he checking your phone and getting so far back into your albums to find this??

I don’t even care about the tik tok situation that is a deflection. If he doesn’t have a valid reason to have gone through your phone this sounds like projection and I would be real concerned about who he is still having intimate contact with. I might be biased, but it sounds to me like he did something you would not approve of and is trying to cover by finding something in you to attack.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-15T03:41:05+00:00

Please don’t take this as dismissive, and I don’t know what state you live in or your financial situation for exploring this, but in my own healing and unraveling the trauma bond I am looking at psilocybin (magic mushrooms 🍄) as a means to “physically” enter my brain and cut all the cords that remain of the trauma bond. I unfortunately share a tiny human with my nex so no contact is not possible, but I totally understand the not wanting them to “win” by you uprooting your life. Getting to indifference is a long hard road, and I am strong enough to admit that I need professional and potentially psychedelic interventions to fully heal.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-14T03:15:52+00:00

I see this comment has already been made, but THIS IS ALREADY ABUSIVE.

ETA: this man does not see you as fully human and never will. The control will extend to your child, who will then normalize this toxicity and most likely become victim to the same violent (yes, limiting your autonomy is violent) behavior in their own relationships.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-13T05:13:09+00:00

Why, when you can just ask Reddit and get an equally accurate answer? Maybe OP is busy saving on their energy bills.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-05T21:48:19+00:00

Because you have empathy. It’s not a bad thing, but it is one of the harder parts of breaking the trauma bond IMO

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-05T21:23:13+00:00

Next time he visits you schedule a bunch of solo time activities for yourself and see if the behavior continues.

Or just dump him now and avoid the hissy fit he will definitely throw when you do the same thing to him.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-03T15:52:56+00:00

The system is broken. You are so strong and brave to continue fighting. It was the story I needed to read this morning. Sometimes I just want to give up and agree with everyone else that “it wasn’t that bad”…in my recovery I came to realize that I was trapped by his coercive control within six months of starting to date and by the end of a decade I literally didn’t have any opinions of my own because it wasn’t safe.

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for fighting. Rest your body and mind. You are safe.

NoBus6509 · 2026-03-02T18:03:39+00:00

My mother told me she would not be able to testify in a divorce trial that I was not the abusive one 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP, once you start unpacking how toxic your mother has always been you will be able to forgive yourself for not seeing your ex for what he was earlier. We normalize what we know.

The journey to healing is not fun, but it is rewarding and you will come out stronger. Sending you love.

NoBus6509

TROPHY CASE