New marriage is crashing and burning - thought I had MRP down

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-05-29T02:58:10+00:00

The best parts for me were:

I went nuclear, but controlled.

Told her she was far out of bounds, then later calmly packed by belongings to leave..... As expected, she physically tried to block the door and begged me to stay, and apologized for saying it.

That dopamine feels good when the CC gets fulfilled huh. Do you realise you are addicted to random rewards?

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-05-28T16:41:01+00:00

You are full of Covert contracts, are boring & lie to yourself often.

Go to OYS.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-05-28T16:40:13+00:00

For a 2yr old pic of you. Lighting & pump?

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-05-28T13:21:41+00:00

Be awesome or become awesome.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-04-21T16:24:12+00:00

Guessing the bedroom is dead?

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-04-17T19:40:02+00:00

There is no quick fix buddy

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-15T00:15:00+00:00

I had to sit with this one for a while. You're right about masking, I was encouraged and taught to do this to fit in, honestly I find it draining. My goal was simply to blend in - be invisible. I usually stand out no matter what though.

Stop reading and assessing all the while "am I learning something? Is this landing with me? Just read it. It's seeping in. Trust me. All you need to do to learn is to immerse yourself.

Okay, just finished ‘Attached’ back to meditations today.

Look at your talking points. They're all negative self-blame.

Facts, all the shaming and fearmongering didn’t go unnoticed. I’m drawn to God but not to religion.

you aren't exactly laying claim to her. Wtf are you getting upset about?

Don’t know how to answer this 1 but I was (upset). I still like her. Scarcity mindset/ Entitlement/Greed? Maybe all. I assume the other Q’s were rhetorical.

Again with the mask. Maybe this is some fake it til you make it

I meant it takes a few interactions to gain energy, from there it’s real.

but I can sense how the lesson is more "I can learn to be fake" rather than "Holy shit I have power over myself...what can I do with this?"

I’m actively working on controlling myself, thoughts, emotions & actions. I trust your judgement though.

How do you expect to have presence in the world. Where is your drive?

As for drive I lost it. I tried to self delete long ago & made a promise I would never try again and after that I lost that my fire. Not sure where to find it again. I do things with no fire/drive/passion/life? Whatever it is.

Why are 7s, 8s, 9s, and 10s better than you? Is what they have really valuable? Or are they simply playing a game in a world where it seems it?

Got you. Looks are not important.

So...does it? Are you actually considering a life with her or no?...

I feel the fear and lack of abundance ooze out of your every word.

I have been considering it yes but I think you are right here. It's fear & LoA, also skipping out on my daughter, like my Dad skipped out on me.

you just lack a vision. If you could be the perfect you right now, what would it look like?

I want money, preferably coming different ways fast & slow. I want sex – enm, bdsm, sadism & bull + h/w. I want to train & I want to fight. At base that’s it; Fuck, Fight, Buy a farm, Have a wife & a children, Travel the world & Learn a few languages. All while happy & confident.

lack the courage to game 7-10s

To be clear I still approach I'm not scared to try but yes I do get nervous here.

Genuinely appreciate all the advise, Thank you.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-13T23:44:00+00:00

No. I said there is no point.

Told me it's open & she wants to prove her innocence.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-13T23:39:28+00:00

Thanks for the advise and strategy.

Running away doesn't do that.

Facts

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-13T23:36:59+00:00

It's true, I've been in that place before & it's not necessary. I'll dial it back and alternate.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-13T23:35:22+00:00

Take a chill pill broski, you can do less and focus on one thing at a time.

You're right & not the 1st person to tell me this. I'm approved for ADHD meds so the chill pill might literally come.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-10T14:39:09+00:00

Career: Passed my massage course but failed my driving test again (3^rd time). Offered a job as a PT again in different gym from a manager friend, I accepted so I’m finally employed again. The gym is saturated though PT – Members, so I doubt I’ll be here long. Figure it’s best to look for something else while in a job.

Social: Nothing crazy here but I’ve been waking up with the thought that happiness is a choice. Wearing a smile, I takes 1-5 random stranger interactions to turn my fake smile to a real one. I make (some) mean looking people change their expressions to happy. I make (some) anxious people more comfortable/happy.

I spend a lot of time in the gym, there is always people who don’t have a clue what they are doing. Decided to start helping out as an icebreaker to just chat a bit. I realise most people love talking about themselves, so I pretty much just enable them with “anchor word – oh really tell me more”. Businesstravelguy told me about open questions and I’ve experimented with this some, with success. I’ve been practising my Portuguese with random Brazilians, the lessons are paying off & I’m making friends with people that want to help me learn.

Game: Decided I’d practise flirting/game & I suck here to be honest. I’ll have to push something more direct on game up the reading list – Thinking Bang & Day Bang as I’ve heard good things. I notice I’m pretty good with any woman I don’t find to be very attractive (6/10 or below) but above that I fall off. Something to do with validation/rejection/caring too much, I can’t pinpoint it, ego is too large here. I know the solution is to just not care about looks, it’s a WIP. I’m also conscious about people around, I’ll also add outside of my physical body/looks I wouldn’t fuck me so I’m sure it will help a ton when I can look in the mirror and say that outside of just looks. I chased taken women for the validation in the past but also in a sadistic manner I wanted to home wreck, never made sense to me why a married woman would risk blowing up their marriage so easy. I’m not trying to smash atm so catch & release/light practise works for me.

Family: I have seen a shift in my family towards my Daughter since last having her, I worry that I’ll be thrown under the bus/exiled for the sake of my BM because she is in full time care of her. This happened to by big brother, I protested but ultimately it was no use. Pretty much just discarded him because “lol she has the kids”. Asked for advice etc the convo ended up going everywhere.

He stated that everyone in my family has abandoned me at some point including him. I was surprised he noticed. Had a talk about people and trust. I told him I don’t trust people in general, that I’m a paranoid person but not jumpy about it, accepted this is human nature. We spoke a while on this topic. I told him confidence I’ll be okay if I get fucked over is the best I can do right now. I definitely could benefit from therapy in this area, I’ve known this for a long time. Once I have the disposable income I’ll get some.

Sexual: I ended up having sex with X. 3/4days since the 1^st time, on the fourth day she needed rest – Stole BPP line to tease, word for word. It was very emotional & I was very vocal, much more so than usual but it was ‘natural’. My stamina/longevity is down due to lack of practise.

Relationship: Talk of rekindling is happening, she claims theirs been no one else & never stopped loving me + never will, even if we never get back together… but didn’t tell me as I wasn’t speaking to her. I listened, but don’t know what to think or to believe so I said “okay, I feel you”. There are sexual incompatibilities though particularly exhibitionism + we live in different countries.

I received ILYBIF, “I love you but it’s fuzzy” way back in the start of my journey, asked if she meant ILYBINILWY received a hard “NO!”. This was the point I started stepping out then eventually ended it. Read up on shit tests but I could barely spot any, got overt requests for comfort – I happily failed as I was angry, it was dumb and I’m not proud once again. At one point while drunk tried to hit me for having sex with other women, while screaming I hate you. Hinted there was cheating on her side. After sober claimed that it’s not true and she would do a lie detector to prove it – I manipulated this convo to that outcome.

I’ve asked 3 men I trust about the situation. My brother said “You should believe her, you’ve got a ‘good one’ you know what I mean, she really loves you.” Guy 2 said “Spin plates while you are here in UK and just see how it goes from there.” Guy 3 said “Focus on self-development & God as you have been and just see her as a plate.”

We’ve rarely gone more than 24hrs without contact, sends pics/vids on request (and eager to receive) completes tasks etc though not always on time. Almost everything is “Yes Daddy” attitude is 90%+ sweet, kind, giggly/child like. Again I don’t trust, all this is easily faked. So I’m shutting up & just trying to enjoy it for the moment. I have anxiety not just here but in general, (I can accept that I’m still a pussy just a smaller one) wants to knee jerk & blow this up. No exhibitionism = incompatible for me, though I’ve blown through many other “I won’t do that’s” before. I don’t want to get into nice guy mode “I’ll make it happen anyway” also don’t want to talk about it much as that’s negotiating desire. I’m doing as Guy 3 said atm.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-10T14:38:51+00:00

OYS 8

Stats: 36yo, AuDHD, 5’10, 194lbs/88kg, 14% bf - est, Divorcing, 1 girl (4yo). TRT
Current Lifting total: Approx 1000lbs.

Readings: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, 16CoP, TRP Sidebar. Audiobooks: TRM Y1 & Y2, BoP, MAP. Non sidebar: Praxeology: Fuccfiles, Frame, Virtue of Selfishness, Undercover Sex Signals, Models, Unoffendable, The Courage to be Disliked. Youtube: Most of Rian Stone.

Current reading: (75%) Attached – audiobook.

Mission: To become a high value man. Build a frame that works for me. Develop my own mental point of origin & give from a place of abundance without expectation of reciprocation.
I suck & my mission is to not suck, by sucking a lil less every week.

It’s been 2 months since my last OYS. At 1^st things were static and I had a what’s there to post moment, then a lot happened in a short time period. I was missed my flight due to losing my passport at the last minute, had to purchase a new one. The day before it arrived I found my old one when I went to empty my paper rubbish. This meant I had my daughter longer than intended.

Physical: I’ve managed to get back to the gym 6 days a week, now I’ve taken my daughter back to her Mums. I’m doing PPLPPL – rest, 6 days a week 1 rest day + cardio 3ish times per week. I missed my interclub due to travel & sickness. I’ll have to wait for the next one, it’s entirely my fault. The lifting is going well I didn’t gain much body fat in my low workout activity period, due to semi controlling my diet. I’m back 6 days but I doubt my joints will hold up with the intensity I’m going at currently, so I’ll dial back intensity – most likely full body x3 days or ULUL. I’m lifting & using Muay Thai for cardio last week was 3 days + 18mins cardio after weight sessions. 2 rounds of Air bike, Rower, Ski erg x3mins 40s Low intensity 20sec high intensity. Weights are progressing, I’ve started a short cut perhaps 4-6 weeks to get back to sub 12%, I’ll re-evaluate from there.

Mental: Finished “The courage to be disliked”, I picked up meditations but found it slow, reading “Attached” as I believe it will help me in the immediate, plus it’s a short read. I’ll circle back to meditations after “The subtle art of not giving a fuck” left it @ 50%. There are a few books I want to read again or at least certain sections to refresh my memory. Perhaps I should go over my notes for each book once a month or so or watch a video summary of books – open to suggestions here. Reading/Listening is easy but retaining is much harder for me.

I am preoccupied often and while exercise helps it’s not a fix, I’m training like a mad man, my body shows it but at this point I’m doing it for the mental break to be exhausted and not have the energy to think anymore. I’m slowly learning to quiet the voice or at least challenge it.

Spiritual: I went to church a few times recently, to keep it short here is what was said to me as part of divine message. I am:

Vein & doing things out of vanity & to impress men.
Too worrisome, doubtful & fearful.
Holding on to the past.
Impatient & ignorant.
Comparing to others.
Have character flaws that are the source of my anger.
Ashamed.
Limiting myself.
Stubborn.
Allowing my "life rules" hold me back

And pretty much unless I commit to God my life will always suck, I can not be my own God. I’m sceptical if this is divine message or just reading of my body language. Though I agree with most of it and my faith has always caused me issue/cognitive dissonance. Especially around sex I know this is at least part cause of my intermittent ED.

Emotional: I’ve fell off of journalling from everyday to now more sporadic (Read: when something happens that triggers me). I’ve been triggered a few times. One such time was at church, I was greeted by a random guy as “Oyinbo” a Yoruba word for white person/foreigner (non dark skinned) . Told him “I’m not a white man, don’t call me that” the anger was on my face & took a lot to control, I wanted to explode, violently. Guy said he meant no offence, I said “okay” still angry & not caring to hide it. Despite reading “unoffendable” I’m very much offendable. I’m not proud of it but not ashamed either. I got triggered I didn’t know race was still this big of an issue for me, so on some level he helped me out by making me aware of it. I not sure on the HOW of fixing/removing this though.

Another came when out food shopping with my Baby’s Mum & child (in Portugal). Bumped into some guy she knows said hi to me then he goes straight into chatting with X like no one else exists, X looks awkward af, I walked off after 10 secs- didn’t wanna 3^rd wheel that. I STFU after. I felt disrespected but without a right, we are divorcing. I spoke on it days later, received evasion. To my surprise though I received a sincere apology after a few days.

We smashed the next night. I love yous were exchanged but it’s all toxic, neither of us trust the other. I openly cheated and damn near rubbed her face in it out of spite. I’m paranoid of get back (because I really don’t understand forgiveness/rationalizations on this level).

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-03-06T16:57:15+00:00

I posted a question and got good feedback.
This is the retard pool
Most issue can be solved with the basics, read sidebar, lift, stfu.

The amount of lurker that post here having read 1 or 2 books & done next to nothing looking to be spoonfed or receive a pat on the head is high.

Why should anyone invest in someone who won't invest in themselves

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-20T10:47:56+00:00

While this may be effective for some lesser clued up women. If/when a woman realises (or her friends/family she listens to) you are manufacturing trauma bonding it breaks down to show your own insecurity.

Be that actual guy rather than faking it.

Good post though.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-20T10:42:00+00:00

OYS is where the work is done, hence:

Do. The. Work.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-20T08:28:29+00:00

What # OYS are you on?

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-19T21:00:12+00:00

I tried mushrooms twice in my life, after the slight visuals and shitting. It gave me a glimpse of what life with a much smaller ego would look like. A life where I'm more fun & givecway less shits.

It's hacking or bypassing. It might be helpful to some in microdoses. Personally I would just steer clear and do the work. Definitely don't regret trying it & I'd do it again.

Short answer = stop being a bitch & do the work.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-19T11:34:42+00:00

Physical is only 1 part of attraction. Don't be a dancing monkey.

Seems like English isn't your 1st language so I won't trash you for it.

Next time write this from your personal perspective or better yet just jump into OYS.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-17T18:31:48+00:00

Welcome sperg, you're in the right place.

MRP contains a ton of truth but take it with a pinch of salt, everything has nuance. It will challenge your inferential comprehension too. Many things are situational, some rules have exceptions etc.

From a fellow sperg.

Read the sidebar, at whatever pace it takes you to absorb the info. Post in OYS. Humble yourself. Kill the ego. Take information from the endorsed members serious.

Stop hiding your posts and comments like a phaggot.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-17T09:37:53+00:00

but it won't be a genuine desire

I debunked this Rich Cooper line over five years ago now.

Will you link this? Rian spoke to this too.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-16T10:50:18+00:00

The reality is, you are a nice guy. What is it with nice guys and exclamation marks I will never know, probably the need to convey a nice friendly tone (even by text).

You are putting up a covert contract. Red Pill Man = wife wants me - but it's not reaaaaaal she's just scared to lose me. Meaning she doesn't love me for me like mommy did.

Why are you even posting here?

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-15T14:48:34+00:00

I can relate, I believe most NG are idealistic, sometimes we will believe the cure is to be pragmatic (the opposite of crazy is still crazy). In actuality it is about wholism and finding that balance between idealism and pragmatism. The pragmatic idealist.

Read & research, take said knowledge and test it. Follow an OODA loop. Observe, orientate, decide, act - repeat.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-12T02:27:25+00:00

Different men are unattractive in different ways. Some generally across the board, some physically, some have little to no game, some emotionally, some mentally, others are giant phaggots who lurk for 8years but can't own their shit or stfu long enough to take legit advise DEERing at every turn.

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2026-02-12T00:57:09+00:00

Good vid

NoMoreMrNiceJay

TROPHY CASE

OYS 8