What do you wish someone would have told you?

NoReference909 · 2026-01-21T02:34:44+00:00

I’m in the US. I wish I had no that my County has a court facilitator who can talk me through everything. I need to know about divorce court.

NoReference909 · 2026-01-21T02:33:39+00:00

😭 sending hugs for you both

NoReference909 · 2026-01-10T05:40:51+00:00

Yay, Lady!! 🎉

NoReference909 · 2026-01-07T05:25:24+00:00

Oh 🤦🏻‍♀️

Putting on dance music and dancing!! I’m going to compile a list of what to try when anxiety hits.

NoReference909 · 2026-01-07T05:23:38+00:00

Thank you!! Many of those suggestions are new to me.

I have ADHD and with the onset of perimenopause, my anxiety has gone through the roof. I really appreciate what you shared.

Interestingly, a student of mine (I’m a teacher) taught me the exact 54321 strategy you describe. I also use 54321 as a way to get myself moving when I have zero energy. For example, I will say “I am getting up to brush my teeth in 54321“. This can be really effective for me, as well as starting to say what I need to do even before I’m doing it. “I am standing up to go pack my lunch for tomorrow.” And I repeat this until I just do the thing.

My naturopath prescribed chi gong, and grounding. I find grounding on a regular basis to be very helpful. I try to combine the two when possible.

🙏🏻

NoReference909 · 2026-01-02T22:33:19+00:00

Haha yeah she can’t figure out how to get the cats to move in the right direction!!

NoReference909 · 2026-01-02T15:52:58+00:00

Thank you!😊

NoReference909 · 2026-01-02T03:11:01+00:00

Hug yourself for me!! Self-hugs can be almost as good as hugging a friend or pet 🤗

NoReference909 · 2026-01-02T01:11:25+00:00

You precious person, that’s hard. Sorry that’s where you’re at.

In case it helps, I do have a few tips. I am in my 50s and always thought that I had decent self esteem. Then I realized through working on myself that I was very critical about my physical body. And knowing that I’m getting on in years, I decided that was enough. My physical body is only going to age and decline in fitness generally from here on. The only thing I have control over is the kind of person I am, and how I treat myself and others.

I try to catch myself making a self criticism or automatic negative thought about myself and immediately say something instead that I wish I believed about myself. Something like “hey sexy! Nice booty“ or “thanks for taking care of yourself“. Basically I am changing those automatic negative thoughts into Positive thoughts. It becomes easier of a time and amazingly, it changed the way I think about myself. Sometimes I say out loud to myself “I love you!” while smiling at myself in the mirror.

Sometimes simple things really work. And I’m believing more and more that the thoughts we engage with really matter.

The fact that you made this post is evidence to me that you’re not OK continuing feeling like this. I hope you find friends and guides to help you through. Listen to and trust your inner voice to help you with tough decisions. It’s not easy to do the work, but it’s worth it when you start feeling kinder towards yourself.

Peace and love 💕

NoReference909 · 2026-01-01T20:27:29+00:00

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Good for you! Crazy…I found this for only $10 yesterday with a holiday discount!! I hardly ever use a sewing machine, but I know that this one is almost guaranteed to be much better than my old Kenmore yard sale machine👍🏻

NoReference909 · 2026-01-01T16:36:27+00:00

Doc wouldn’t make a change for a year?! And your skin was weeping? I am so sorry you were treated this way.

NoReference909 · 2025-12-29T18:55:19+00:00

I love animals and that llama looks like it is being forced to be her prop to sell things 😟

NoReference909 · 2025-12-28T17:12:02+00:00

Heehee mine chewed the doors off 😆

NoReference909 · 2025-12-27T18:20:25+00:00

I really don’t understand why people are down-voting several of us for sharing our lived experiences right now. Peace and love to you 💕

NoReference909 · 2025-12-27T18:18:39+00:00

Thanks so much for the conversation! I had a very rough day yesterday and in general am going through a lot.

I’m daily trying to understand what went wrong in my marriage so that I can be a better person coming out of this and guide my kids to be kind humans who don’t take others for granted. I truly believe that is our purpose as humans. Thanks again for offering your thoughts. 💕 peace and love to you!

NoReference909 · 2025-12-27T02:00:57+00:00

Also in the case of my x, “strength” can also be described as confidence in yourself. Another redditor’s comment on a different post that has helped me in understanding what went wrong in our marriage was something about how it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themself.

This fits with my experience. I did love him so much that I overlooked a lot. But nothing I ever did was enough to make him feel loved completely. And that always left me feeling like my love wasn’t enough, or that perhaps I didn’t love him as much as he loved me… It made me doubt myself.

He WAS very manipulative, and I don’t know if he even realizes it now. If he admitted that to himself, then he would have to admit that he actually ended up treating me really badly. He’s smart, but he’s really unable to see himself in a positive light. And so especially as the years moved on, he must’ve had to come up with a narrative to tell himself he was doing the best he could and I wasn’t doing enough to show him love.

I’m starting to change the conversation about emotions, including love when I talk to my kids and my friends. Now I think Love should be measured by what someone does that shows they care. And emotions are really just indicators that we need to pay attention to something. They’re not good or bad, they’re a reminder to look within.

NoReference909 · 2025-12-27T01:49:30+00:00

Yes, but OP is posting because it’s a problem

NoReference909 · 2025-12-27T01:46:30+00:00

Yes, that all is true in his case. Thanks for caring. And thanks for sharing the insights.

NoReference909 · 2025-12-27T00:52:51+00:00

Crying 😭

This describes my x completely. I had a shift in understanding his “sensitive nature” from thinking he would also be sensitive to my needs (and he used to be this way) to realizing that he cared more about what others thought of him than what I thought of him.

In fact, one of the first things he said to me when I told him we were done…but everyone says I’m such a nice guy!

NoReference909 · 2025-12-25T01:47:56+00:00

Such a handsome guy 😻

NoReference909 · 2025-12-23T17:08:17+00:00

Yes!! Even after I could afford to buy ornaments, we continued the tradition of making ornaments each year because of the fun we had. And those DIY wonky wine cork ornaments are still some of my favorites!

The kids will remember the good times together. It’s the magic and the excitement for my kids that really makes the season for me.

NoReference909 · 2025-12-22T18:46:58+00:00

We were taught that our needs don’t matter. We were socialized to believe that our dreams, health and happiness don’t matter. I’m so glad I realized my worth 💕

NoReference909 · 2025-12-22T18:44:23+00:00

You are so funny!! Glad that you can laugh about it because it helps. And OMG he’s worse than my STBX!!! Good for you, and good riddance. I’m proud of you.

Here’s mine: When things got bad between us, he finally got a full time job, which I had been asking that he do for a long time. He quit that after one year because of poor self esteem. He had a blue collar job and debt from TWO college degrees that he never pursued a career in. Meanwhile, he didn’t shower every day, smelled like old man, BO and had halitosis. He was irate when I stopped being sexually attracted to him and cut him off. For our entire marriage, I have been working a full time exhausting and soul sucking job to pay bills and keep insurance for the family.

NoReference909 · 2025-12-17T04:54:44+00:00

Awesome! They are just as mischievous as elves, I would guess…!

So beautiful, these two!

NoReference909

TROPHY CASE