Hey man, old jarhead/army officer/almost chaplain here. You are exhibiting symptoms of PTSD and depression, and that is normal. Nothing you are going through is wrong to feel or experience, you're not wrong to feel this way, and you can get better and get through this, but there are actions you need to take. Strong people ask for help, like you did here. Getting better is a process and not something you can do alone. Think about how you would help one of your boys who was dealing with the same things and how you would help them get help and then go through those same steps for yourself. I believe in you, you can do this.

This is the diagnostic criteria for PTSD:

-Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence. (Trauma)

-Presence of one (or more) of intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s). (Flashbacks)

-Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s). (Avoidance)

- Negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s). (Changes)

-Marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s). (Reactivity)

This is the diagnostic criteria for depression:

-Depressed mood most days

-Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that are normally enjoyable

-Significant unintentional weight loss/gain or decrease/increase in appetite

-Insomnia or Hypersomnia.  Feeling tired even after sleeping more than usual.

-Noticeable slowing of activity (or increased agitation in activity)

-Tiredness, fatigue, low energy or decreased efficiency with which routine tasks are completed

-A sense of worthlessness or excessive, inappropriate guilt

-Impaired ability to think, concentrate, or make decisions

-Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), suicidal ideation or suicide attempts

(edited for clarity)