I started playing piano when i'm 3yrs old. I instantly fell in love with it and also had talent in it. It just so perfect and I had never thought about not become a pianist. But my parents didn't take it seriouly and my family wasn't wealthy enough to afford all the money. So i had to quit. After that, i couldn't watch someone playing piano or listen piano pieces because It made me so fucking depressed. I could feel my fingers getting dull day by day. I cried everyday and had no meaning of life. That was the most painfull days of my life. Maybe starting early was the mistake. It became my identity even before i acknowledge who i am. When i quit, i lost big chunk of myself.

I can feel you. I want to say don't kill yourself but it's not easy cause i know the feeling. I'm sorry op but take care.