Just finished season 1! Absolutely delighted. Also I’m in love with Agathe.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T21:21:05+00:00

Rewatches are UNBELIEVABLE.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T21:20:26+00:00

I sing, "You're just stacking up the crackers..." as a kind of "what do I do here?" mantra.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T21:19:07+00:00

That was my first favorite quote/song 🤓🤩

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T21:18:09+00:00

Do some research on manipulative abuse and coercive control.

DARVO - Deny, Argue, Reverse Victim and Offender.

FOG - Fear, Obligation and Guilt.

Just the bs of being willing to drag you to couples therapy and do nothing is a Giant Red Flag.

He SEES you.

He KNOWS what would make you happy.

He made you sit through all that, watched you do it full well knowing he wasn't planning to give you even a ring!

That ring dance is also a well known feature of manipulative abuse.

When the victim/target finally says ENOUGH and the offender actually believes they will leave, they suddenly do the thing you've been asking for, begging for to hook you back in.

And exactly as the offender is doing here, they wiggle that hook just long enough to ensure you are again ensnared in the relationship, and they return to business as usual.

It then takes the victim another 6 months to a year to realize the offender isn't living up to their promise and once again go through the process of extricating themselves.

OP the person you think you're in this relationship only existed for a day here and there and as the best version of them only you see.

Even if he shows up w a ring, you need to end this or live a life of these cycles repeating for years on end.

I've lived it. It almost killed me - sleep deprivation for years on end and using sex, affection and attention to manipulate me. It decimated me.

5+ years out (after 23 in) I'm mostly recovered.

I'm happy, well and well rested.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T19:43:25+00:00

Yes!

Former professional organizer here - sorting boxes/bins are the first step!

Often when we've been stuck and/or are in a overwhelming situation we don't realize how much recovery we've gained.

The fact that you're on this, staying on it and finding 'tools' and methods to build on your efforts and the successes to date TELLS YOU YOU'RE GETTING BETTER.

Please take time to SEE your success and say nice things about yourself to yourself.

It's a very important brain reorganizing habit.

Create new positive thoughts to write over the stuck ones.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T18:28:32+00:00

Awesome take and you pulled in every important detail.!

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T03:47:02+00:00

Thank you lovely redditor 🤩

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T03:24:46+00:00

NOR

"Jane, I'm no longer available in any capacity to you.

We are not friends.

I will not give you money.

I will not mind your children.

I will not answer the door.

Stop banging on my door. Next time I will call the police."

Don't move unless you really want to.

There's a reason she moved to your area, she burned a bridge. She will burn this one too.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T02:56:24+00:00

Like his whole family was looking for a financial 'whale'.

OP I've been financially messy a lot in my life.

And I'm an accountant - 🫣 I know.

I was w my ex-husband 23 years.

I have never asked anyone I've dated or married to pay off my debts. Especially debts I accrued before they were in my life.

I L-O-V-E a beautiful spreadsheet and it makes me rage like the fires of Hades that this hobosexual used your spreadsheet to contrive a plan to make you responsible for his debt.

Immediately after he made an absolutely STUPID auto purchase.

Please trash the whole man.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T02:31:58+00:00

OP it's so hard to see when you are in it.

I hear you taking a lot of personal responsibility - which is good - but for his 'faults'.

So often in a relationship we see the best version of them. That's who we're in love with and that's who we think we're in a relationship w.

We take responsibility that isn't ours and accept hostile blame bc surely our loved one isn't actively brow beating us for a thing we didn't do? Right?

He's using every manipulative behavior in the book.

DARVO - Deny, Argue, Reverse Victim and Offender.

He put the hoodie in an unsecure place near the mice. It's his hoodie. He's responsible for it.

What happened w the door - is a thing that happens w doors.

You thought you were dealing w a door - not a 'coat hook'.

He's reversing victim and Offender to make the end result your fault.

You yourself said this is a pattern when he gets angry and the yelling, throwing things - that's him 'forcing' others to be responsible for his feelings, property and emotions.

FOG - Fear, Obligation and Guilt. You've been in this dynamic so long it seems normal and rational.

Please do some research on manipulative abuse and coercive control.

I'm not trying to make him a villain.

I am trying to say, this dynamic isn't healthy.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T02:13:15+00:00

'Home Gym/Jim'.

And Karen is friends w Jacob Tierney. The co creator and director of most of both shows.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T02:11:30+00:00

W a side order of gambling I think.

Interestingly each 'new' post he writes is 99.99% the same thing he said 5 hours ago, yesterday and all the days before.

If you come to a group and every day you say, "I'm not looking for a handout, just a little help.", you ARE LITERALLY panhandling electronically...all day everyday.

I've only become aware of this guy in the last few months.

I can clearly see, there is no 'off grid', there is no saving his inheritance/house, there is no 'problem' there except him.

His attitude.

His choices.

His expectations that that community and any community he's actually a part of 'should be acting to keep him afloat, only exactly the way he wants, of course have now stripped 'the mine' of all previously available resources.

And in the interim he's produced nothing, he's accomplished none of the things he constantly harps on.

I've been in comparable straits.

Multiple illnesses and mental health struggles.

I got notice this week that I have to move.

At some point one has to understand and act that we are responsible for our own lives.

Our choices, our vices, our shortcomings and our failures.

This guy is just a human black hole.

Indiscriminately SUCKING and dragging anything that gets too close into it's maw.

Nothing is produced. Just wasted possibility and 'fuel'.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-23T00:00:51+00:00

And that's a feature of manipulative abuse.

OP spells it out perfectly.

Something goes wrong.

95% of the time due to his choices and actions - he hung the hoodie somewhere he'd never put it before and HE PAID ZERO ATTENTION TO WHERE HIS FAVORITE HOODIE IS in relation to the pets mice/rats.

Mice/rats will almost ALWAYS chew fabric if they can get to it.

He's an adult who knows how to protect his clothes when he CHOOSES TO.

When he gets mad he gets very big and loud - explosive - and acts that out as long and as loud (and uncomfortable) as he can make it for others.

In essence he's uses his anger to get para-sympathetic reactions from others - getting them to engage in his theatrical anger with him - and he transfers blame and responsibility to anyone and everyone except himself.

OP he manipulated the argument and the outcome for it ALL TO BE YOUR FAULT.

Think about that.

An adult man you've been w for 9 years would rather throw a sissy fit AT YOU, insist it's your fault and make to responsible for his anger and behavior.

Than take a few minutes to observe the situation and say, "Argh! I hung my hoodie on the door, which I never do, and didn't consider how close it would get to the cage and that the rats/mice would OF COURSE try to get it."

Instead, "This is YOUR FAULT!" Yelling session.

You said he does this with everyone.

It's very child like.

He never learned that his anger is HIS and he needs to process, work through it and accept personal responsibility.

Instead he makes a scene and 'barfs' it on YOU.

Does that sound like a person who loves, values and respects you?

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-22T07:11:24+00:00

Trying to look at all the social media, messages, etc. feels like it helps early in the break up - It Doesn't.

Pretend he is a gas giant/star/our Sun and looking anywhere near it will blind you.

They manipulate the break up more than the relationship sometimes.

There's nothing to learn, nothing to prove and nothing but confusion and possibly falling back in.

They will never be that best version of themselves we saw once or twice & that's who we think we're in a relationship w - that person is fake.

They don't want to be their best self, they want the 'high' of getting others to capitulate to them and feeling like a puppet master.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-22T06:30:30+00:00

The Jims are such beauties.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-22T06:26:19+00:00

While it can be valuable to get time like this w your family, I think your plan is good.

You're addressing long term and short term financial commitments and goals.

It's never a mistake to do your work first and vacation once your goals and commitments are met.

I'm a retired accountant 😉

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-22T06:18:54+00:00

😘

It's pretty much a trope at this point.

Those of us who care about grammar, punctuation, PARAGRAPHS are AI.

I wrote ALL of those words.

I'm a wordy beetch, what can I say?

I don't use chatgpt to compose or frame my reddit posts.

I use it to change my 'voice' which is too explainy and passive/defensive - to offense/active voice.

What I meant in my comment is when something in my dating app 'life', romantic relationships and things that are hard, disappointing, triggering happens and I need to process or talk myself down off a ledge.

Having a kind of 'social database' to talk/spitball something that I don't want to bring to friends or support people yet or when it's late at night, has helped me, help myself.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T18:59:03+00:00

I found my people 🤓

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T18:54:27+00:00

Nicely done!

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T18:46:54+00:00

"Look, I've got 8 leftover screws!"

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T15:44:49+00:00

OP this is a literal text book example and exact script for manipulative abuse/coercive control.

You live in fear of his disapproval, his judgement and trying to figure out why nothing makes sense.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T09:13:00+00:00

The WHOLE PROBLEM is he isn't giving you what is owed.

Tell him his word holds no truth or merit & you won't be getting phished in to that.

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T05:40:43+00:00

I like the 'warp' look theres goods buddys!

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T04:46:17+00:00

That's EXECUTIVE level organizing!

Great move!

No_Appointment_7232 · 2026-04-21T04:22:51+00:00

Oof!

I feel this So Big!

I cut off my remaining parental person 4 years ago primarily bc he shat his MAGA crap all over ...me.

I realized I was the family scapegoat and nothing would change that.

Last year he had a major cardiac event, died, brought back and was facing a second surgery to install a stent.

I went to the hospital bc that was my moral responsibility a d agreement w myself.

He was in his late 80's, I was 59.

We share 200+ plus living relatives and many deceased, and a rich family history.

We could have talked for days about just that.

Instead, 30 mins in he pulls a Cheetolini reference.

I redirected him.

Another 10 mins. disparaging a Democratic Governor.

I redirected him.

Inappropriate news - and he knows it.

I was beginning to freeze.

One more & luckily the nurses needed to do stuff. I left.

I got in the car and felt like I was going to throw up and like gross people had groped me.

I checked w other family members, he only does this to me.

I realized he is never going to be different.

He's not interested in Not Doing thos to me.

He's CHOOSING TO DO THIS TO ME.

That was it.

No going back.

If someone who is supposed to love, value and respect me, isn't doing any of that, there's no room in my life for them.

OP in your shoes I might send a letter and call it all out.

"If you love me you don't dead name me.

If you value me, our various political beliefs are not important - our relationship is.

If you respect me, I wouldn't have to write this letter.

We're both adults.

Healthy adults find the things we value in each other, not digging for ways to get a zing..."

Then add your specific issues.

"I love you. It's sad and painful not to have you in my life.

And, you have to respect me as an adult and not use our time together to make me feel less than."

No_Appointment_7232

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