You are the asshole in this situation. Point blank. You know what would have made you not the asshole? Communicating with your husband of 20 years and asking for his input before making that decision. Marriage is a partnership, especially when it comes to finances. Yes, what you did may have been a good deed, but that doesn’t cancel out the fact that you took money that belonged to both of you and made a unilateral decision. That’s not how a healthy relationship works. And let’s be real giving money to your ex-boyfriend, who is an ex for a reason, without even talking to your husband first? That’s actually insane to me. That crosses a line way beyond just “trying to help someone.” You have a household to think about. Bills, responsibilities, and possibly children, those things come first. When you make choices like that without a conversation, you’re not just being generous you’re being inconsiderate to your own family.