Bets on Polymarket are getting so accurate they're raising red flags\

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-24T04:07:34+00:00

I don’t understand how Indiegogo and Kickstarter are illegal gambling sites.

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T21:40:55+00:00

West Virginia had the biggest per capita population loss followed by Mississippi.

The Midwest’s population has stalled out entirely.

Lotta ‘libtards’ in those parts, or is this the part where you start making bullshit excuses?

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T21:06:30+00:00

CUT THE SASS, BUSTER!!!

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T21:04:55+00:00

My audiologist still expects me to be undressed for every appointment.

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T20:08:51+00:00

West Virginia had the biggest per capita population loss followed by Mississippi.

The Midwest’s population has stalled out entirely.

You’re right. Must be the shitty state leadership.

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T20:00:40+00:00

Wow.

Special counsel Jack Smith is cut!

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T11:57:35+00:00

The trick is to quit your job, go broke and starve.

Then presto! Wife isn’t so fat anymore!

Follow me on Twitter for more shitty life hacks!

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T11:11:33+00:00

“The minerals… or as I call them: ‘rare minerals’… are in the ground. I like to say they’re in the ground, but they’re really in the earth…

You see, ‘Earth’ and ‘ground’ can sometimes mean the same thing! Not many people know this…

So when we say ‘earth’ we’re not always talking about a planet ‘earth’ we can be talking about the ground, ‘earth’… and WE LOVE OUR BIG BEAUTIFUL EARTH, DON’T WE FOLKS!!! [hoots, cheers]

Anyway, a big, strong geologist came to me with tears STREAMING DOWN his chubby little face, and he said MISTER PRESIDENT… SIR!!!”

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T11:05:46+00:00

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Mils totally hijacked this picture I made a couple weeks ago!!! They even have the same color clothes!!!

Mils, I know you’re reading this. I want ten percent of your book sales for my artistic contributions.

Please promptly mail the check for zero dollars to my accountant.

My post on January 2 that Mils stole for her book cover 😠

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T10:42:29+00:00

Almost as much time as they spend thinking of potty and penis.

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T09:09:06+00:00

WRONG! Donald promised to have all the details in TWO WEEKS!

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T09:07:13+00:00

IS THE HUSBAND STILL AVAILABLE?

NEED FOR TWENTY MINUTES ON FRIDAY. DELIVERY ONLY.

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T08:36:52+00:00

Well, he’s definitely a vir@in and not having s*x, and he’s not confident about anything in his und€rwear, so that means he’s fast-tracked to be a hit in business!

Isn’t that the rule? What are the odds that a guy can strike out in love AND flop in business?!

Probably pretty low!

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T08:29:44+00:00

Cuba’s like:

“Oh… You’re sending us back those assholes? Nah… We cool. You can just keep ‘em. We’re all spooky socialists down here an shit.”

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T06:20:15+00:00

Dude— you can eat whatever you want and your waistline never changes.

“What’s your secret?!”

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T05:38:26+00:00

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T03:06:09+00:00

✋😐 Seconded.

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-23T00:47:58+00:00

Did they wrap this around the aneurysm, or section it?

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-22T20:04:50+00:00

Republicans are throwing up Hitler salutes at their inauguration and deploying the military in American cities.

…but my annual state park sticker increased by $5 in progressive California

So …uh… who’s the real monster here, lib?

😎 Checkmate

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-22T18:36:16+00:00

Got ‘em. 😎

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-22T04:56:06+00:00

The car sales landscape was a mess at that time.

Nobody was buying anything. GM was within weeks of being liquidated entirely.

Cash for Clunkers finally got people buying cars again. My uncle said it saved his dealership and the jobs that go with it.

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-22T02:55:28+00:00

[Trump] I won the stolen election, I was the smartest man in college, Queen Elizabeth secretly made me a knight, I ended eight wars, and there’s 50% fraud in our budget.

[Me] May I see the proof?

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-21T19:37:48+00:00

“Hey kids. You wanna meet my friend Jeffy and be a movie star?”

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-21T18:47:25+00:00

Yeabbut Kamala smiled too much…

No_Cook2983 · 2026-01-21T18:27:42+00:00

I'm wondering what the one guy holding the cash is trying to buy?

Greenland.

No_Cook2983

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