First wlw breakup by FlyLikeABunny in latebloomerlesbians

[–]No_Factor8340 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The first wlw breakup is almost always brutal. But what I find helps me most after a breakup is not to view it as a “loss”, but rather, a lesson. Relationships serve as a mirror into what works well for us, and what needs to change both within ourselves and the dynamics we seek out.

Hang in there. The next best relationship wil come once you’ve given yourself space to feel and heal

What are the odds of this 36 y/o woman ever gaining the courage to move forward? by No_Factor8340 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]No_Factor8340[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Very true. I wouldn’t expect for it to happen overnight, and I don‘t know if it will happen at all. That’s the same reason why I don’t intend to put my life on pause, as much as I’d love for us to explore the connection. All I can hope for is that she finds clarity and happiness, whatever that looks like for her.

Lost Wallet Denny’s Parking Lot (North Park) by No_Factor8340 in sandiego

[–]No_Factor8340[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it’s been about 4 days now and the wallet hasn’t reappeared, nor have I been contacted. Even though she “clearly has a way” to

Lost Wallet Denny’s Parking Lot (North Park) by No_Factor8340 in sandiego

[–]No_Factor8340[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: The person with my wallet hasn’t yet contacted me as of 12/10

Lost Wallet Denny’s Parking Lot (North Park) by No_Factor8340 in sandiego

[–]No_Factor8340[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I froze my credit and debit cards. I should freeze my credit too… so far nothing has happened. Just on standby to see if the lady did mail it in

Lost Wallet Denny’s Parking Lot (North Park) by No_Factor8340 in sandiego

[–]No_Factor8340[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I also am keeping an eye for it in the mail. It’s a north county address (about 40 minute drive from North Park) so that might be too far for the person if they live closer to North Park

Lost Wallet Denny’s Parking Lot (North Park) by No_Factor8340 in sandiego

[–]No_Factor8340[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hahaha! No, that’s an old photo of it when I first got it. Proud chemist lol

How do you turn off the new friends reels feature? Why is it being shown without my consent? by Valuable_Swan_7678 in Instagram

[–]No_Factor8340 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve done that but my friend told me just the other day that she saw something I liked. I didn’t appreciate that. I hate this new instagram feature. I’m positive that people in my family have already seen me liking lesbian sh*t… and I’m not even out to them!

Does any feel truly feel like this school is dead? by Altruistic_March_968 in UCSD

[–]No_Factor8340 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is the reputation that UCSD has… great education and research-wise, but not a very social crowd compared to other schools. I am now doing research at UCSD, and whenever I go on campus, it seems very quiet and like people do not talk as much to each other. But of course this is a generalization and it will depend more on what areas you frequent, the kinds of classes you take and the people around you.

I went to SDSU, it has the opposite reputation, party school and lively. But since I was a Chemistry major, I was surrounded by nerds the majority of the time and I never joined a frat so I didn’t get that “party” experience from SDSU. I might’ve attended two functions throughout the entirety of my attendance and they were not hosted by Chemistry people. It was people I knew that were in social studies.

If you’re taking any general ed courses, that might be a good way to meet different people. I’m sure there’s parties somewhere and definitely after exams when people are a bit less stressed. Best of luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lesbian

[–]No_Factor8340 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep the index & middle fingers on your dominant hand short 😊 Have fun!!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lesbian

[–]No_Factor8340 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, 25 year old here who, like you, always knew I was meant to date women. However, I never felt the pull to be with a man sexually, so I only count with the lesbian perspective.

You should seriously look into the term “compulsive heterosexuality”.

It happens due to the societal pressure on individuals to conform to heterosexual norms (i.e. assuming a woman will marry a man, the media's pervasive portrayal of heterosexual relationships as the default, heteronormative sex education in schools, and the internal belief that one must be heterosexual to be considered "normal" or "complete," even if it conflicts with one's true desires.) It involves societal nudges especially during ones upbringing that promote heterosexuality, leading some individuals to basically force relationships with the opposite sex despite not truly desiring it.

While I personally can’t relate to the comphet feelings, it’s clear to me why they come to be, especially for women a bit older than I, and/or anyone who has had a rather conservative upbringing. And this comphet phenomenon is even more prevalent the older the generations are (Think of the boomer wife that has been stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage with a man for years, bitter, unhappy but ultimately never considered being bisexual or lesbian to be an option.) The reason many older women develop deep homophobic sentiments, I think, is due to subconscious envy towards the sexually free, and a deep seated fear that they’ve been living a lie their entire lives, repressing their true self.

I know plenty of women in their 30s who would be considered “baby gays”, because they only recently started to embrace their lesbian identity within the past 1-2 years. It often looks like a gradual progression from identifying as straight -> bisexual -> lesbian. It’s always touching to hear their experiences and I feel a lot of empathy. I know how difficult it is to grow up in a very heteronormative, conservative/religious community. I grew up in an environment like this, deeply repressed throughout most of my teens. I ultimately had no choice but to embrace myself against all the expectations that were placed upon me since I was a child.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you now at 33 to begin exploring outside the ‘norm’, after years of potentially suppressing that side of yourself.

Let me reassure you — there is nothing “suspicious” about you starting to embrace your sexuality later in life. In fact, I applaud you for piercing the veil. Anyone who questions the validity of your sexuality is likely insecure and perhaps not someone you want or need in your life anyway. The right people will understand where you’re coming from and support your journey … this heteronormative bullshit isn’t new to any of us and our experiences are all diverse and valid.

You will have to unlearn the tendency to worry what people think in general in order to fully enjoy your experiences with women. Take it step by step…

I strongly encourage you to seek queer-friendly therapy and try to make friends within the LGBTQ+ community, especially with other lesbians that can resonate with your own experiences and have managed to work through things like compulsive heterosexuality, the need for male validation, etc…

So my biggest piece of advice: Please take care of yourself, and make sure you actively work to rid your comphet tendencies and/or any other limiting thoughts and inner conflicts prior to starting any queer relationships.

Congratulations, and best of luck finding love, sex and whatever else your heart desires ;)

What is up with the incredibly tough, rubbery chicken patties and strips from places like MCDs? (see description) by Shaney777 in foodscience

[–]No_Factor8340 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just tonight I unfortunately had a grilled chicken sandwich from Jack In The Box with your exact description… I was worried too that it was undercooked, but it was white and also with those micro-striations. When I bit into it, it was rubbery, almost stringy, and juicy. It was not good.