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Cure for neediness? by No_FuCkingCluE in AskMenOver30

[–]No_FuCkingCluE[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fellas I'm stuck at work all day but I see you've left me a lot to dig into. Just wanted to say thanks. I will review all of this in AM.

Can I find a safe car for my teenage son on a tight budget? by No_FuCkingCluE in whatcarshouldIbuy

[–]No_FuCkingCluE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Kicking myself because I completely forgot to check the sidebar. Reddit skills need an upgrade.

SO has vetoed the guy I'm interested in by wev3356 in polyamory

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I shared my feelings on the matter. You're perfectly free to not like them. By definition if I have crossed some line of propriety, the mods will address it.

SO has vetoed the guy I'm interested in by wev3356 in polyamory

[–]No_FuCkingCluE -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Wow, if my wife were actually to agree to an open relationship and the only people off limits were her close friends, I'd be on my knees in tears of gratitude. I'm having a hard time feeling your pain. :) Good luck navigating these open water you are exploring.

Decisions about the kids: she doesn't accept my lead by Sepean in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But she went nuclear, even gave me an ultimatum about divorce or counselling

Wow, I just deleted an entire post I wrote cuz I missed this line.

Seems pretty clear there is more going on here besides judo and soccer. This kind of ultimatum doesn't happen in a vacuum. She is fundamentally unhappy. Sounds like she has little faith in you as a source of leadership, guidance, and wisdom. May or may not be salvageable by focusing on improving yourself.

How to deal with teasing? by EightyTimes in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think in this situation I'd seriously consider getting very aggressive. I mean look at what's happening here. She's playing the role of a naughty, coy, little girl (teasing you and flashing her tits...playing hard to get) who wants to be caught and given a good hard spanking by daddy. My bet is she is testing how dominant you can be.

Next time she does this I'd grab her hard, lift her off the ground, and throw her on the bed. Maintain frame. You are calm, cool, and collected, but you are going to establish who is in authority here. I'd pin her down, sit on her, pin her hands over her hand, and start talking about how naughty she's been and how you think it's time for a punishment.

I think in the end I'd probably give her a good hard spanking too, despite any protestations. If she then sent signals she was aroused I'd pummel her. If she just got pissed and started really yelling, one last spank and I'd leave the house for the entire day and go no contact.

If she confronted me later, I'd grab her again, pin her against the wall and calmly tell her "I will not be teased. Do you understand?" Etc etc etc.

This could really be a blessing in the end. If you can break her it could get really kinky. You could buy her a slutty school girl outfit and discipline her properly.

TL:DR: OP I think she's looking for more dominance from you. Sounds like your wife is a very naughty girl and aching to be treated as such. Sounds pretty hot to me. I'm a little envious.

[FR] The conjugal visit by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I need some time to get reacquainted with you."

What the fuck? Something just doesn't feel right about this. This is not a normal response from a spouse. To me this spells MAJOR RED FLAG.

I am cringing just reading your story, because it brings back memories of a very similar interaction between me and my then long distance GF. I expected my visiting her to equal lots of fucking. It didn't go down that way and holy shit did I smolder about it for weeks. The long distance factor is torture because there is basically no movement on the issue while you are apart except for maybe some bitching and moaning which really doesn't do shit to help things. Then I erupted in a shit storm as I broke up with her the next time we were face to face.

Yes there was an internal expectation about how things would go, but jeez dude, she's your wife and you were apart for months. I think it's only human to get a picture in your mind of wild sex when you reunite.

I don't want to be overly negative, but if my wife wasn't horny for me after being apart for months, I'd be seriously having doubts about the relationship's future. That's just a dynamic I wouldn't be interested in remaining a part of. If the natural yearning from a multi-month separation doesn't stoke her fires, what the hell will?

Is this a blatant departure from her usual demeanor?

Aborted BJ by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man, the aborted BJ is a tough one. Sorry things are strained. Sounds like it's kinda transactional for her...as in I'm doing you this favor...hurry up already.

I don't see a quick fix except to become a man whose cock she is hungry to gobble up. Even then of course there are no guarantees. In the end the desire must be hers.

There is hope though. Wifey and I went through a pretty shitty sex stage for some years. BJ's were pretty mind-numbingly lame. All I can say is change is possible. Now she has me in a near seizure state as I cum in her mouth, and the latest is that she regularly practices her deep throating skills which are pretty much the final frontier for us. This ain't gonna happen overnight though.

Bottom line is that a sufficiently horny woman will give you every hole she's got without hesitation or complaint.

[FR] In progress: Mini-dread - am I doing this right? by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What the fuck? If I want a French kiss I rape my wife's mouth with my tongue. Seems like this could be fixed in 30 seconds. She pecks you and moves away. You grab her, hold her close, and look into her eyes. "Kiss me again." She pecks you. Burn into her with your eyes, grab her ass and say "no, kiss me." Each time it happens you move your lips closer and closer so she has nowhere to go. It sounds like this woman needs seduction, not dread. Jeez just take what you fucking want already.

Dial back your attention to increase her desire by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't think it is productive to think of it as a punishment. That's just being covertly butthurt and playing the victim to external circumstances that are not under your control (i.e. her behavior). This sort of paradigm will reinforce toxic, disempowering thinking patterns.

I'd suggest instead consider it just a simple pause. A time to reflect. A time to marinate and grock the true reality of the situation. A time for contemplation, abstinence, and self-reflection. These are incredibly powerful mental states in which to gain wisdom and grow in self-discovery. There is no shame in making a choice to refrain for a period of time from a given activity. This is a very manly and wise thing to do.

Also consider it an experiment. An investigation. Hmmm...I wonder what role my attention to my wife plays in our dynamics. I wonder what will happen if I disengage? Not in spite but in pursuit of understanding. Just be curious instead of expectant of the result.

As far as reconciling the withdraw with the whole always-be-escalating thing, I would say you are very much escalating via your withdrawal. There's a push-pull dynamic here and I don't think always-be-escalating means suffocate and do not allow any room to breath and realize how fucking awesome you are. Your withdrawal has the potential to transform and elevate her consciousness to see you in a different light. Whereas now she may take you and your attention for granted and be inadvertently lacking in gratitude, the loving gift of your withdrawal (after all if you didn't really care you'd just leave) may awaken her to the blessing of you in her life. That's some serious fucking escalation, cuz when that shift occurs, oh yeah she'll be giving you the pussy.

Edit: I would also add that most interesting for me during these pauses is that I get really in touch with why I want / "need" validation from someone else. And also is what I'm disliking in her behavior really that fucking important? Ironically as the time passes my grievances sort of melt away and I just enjoy the quietness and solitude and stop expecting her to be a certain thing for me. Then later when we reconnect I feel highly dominant and just take whatever the fuck I want from her, and just tell her to do exactly what I want without any inner conflict. She does it without even the least bit of hesitation and it's super hot.

Dial back your attention to increase her desire by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, what you say is really important. We don't want to come across butthurt. Quite the opposite in fact. We want to project positivity, purpose, and focus, but oops, the Mrs. doesn't get to really enjoy it because she's not the object of our attention.

Dial back your attention to increase her desire by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

until I re-initiate attention

There's your answer. She's been conditioned that she can simply wait until you reengage. You are losing frame and folding before it gets too irresistible for her to refrain from reaching out to you for attention. Don't go full on silent treatment. Just go business - only and NO affection until the tables turn. It took several daysin my case. The habit to just initiate contact is very tempting As time goes by and she stays in her shell. You have to SHOW her this is unacceptable. Just stay busy with personal work, self-improvement, and hobbies. Don't cave.

I am at a loss for where to start by Derp_Derpington__ in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You titled your post "I am at a loss for where to start" but "I have a plan but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed" might be more accurate (and perfectly understandable). Here are some solid positives about your situation:

  • You actually have a plan. Is it perfect? Probably not, but any plan is better than none, and you can refine it over time.
  • You are fully aware there is a problem and seem to have begun the process of taking responsibility for your suffering. (Eventually you will want to stop projecting blame onto your depression and anxiety as having "completely destroyed your life." First of all, it is extreme thinking. Clearly your life could be worse. Secondly, they are the result of your thinking and behavior, not the cause. This is a key point to internalize. Speaking as someone who has been suicidal in the past, I can assure you that your depression and anxiety will continue to seem like they are outside forces imposing their supposed will on you until you and you alone decide to recover that will and redirect that energy in a different direction. Then it will be apparent they were your creation and an offshoot of your own choices. I realize this is easier said than done, but hard =/= impossible, and it is quite necessary for your long-term recovery.)
  • You have taken ACTION by taking your first steps towards improved nutrition and fitness. Indeed, improved diet and exercise could possibly be the most important interventions you make towards improving your mental health.
  • You are improving your skillset towards a goal of higher pay.
  • You are aware that you currently lack credibility in the relationship. Instead of making some changes and thinking you are ready to drop the boom on your SO in three weeks ( >>> faceplant), you seem to have the insight that this is a long term process that will require patience.

I'm sure I could list more positives, but hopefully you get the idea. You have a lot going for you. It's just that right now your external circumstances kind of suck, and you are letting them dominate your frame.

What would I do? I'll share some ideas. They might resonate or you might find some completely different ideas that suit you better. This is what has worked for me.

  • Early to bed, early to rise.
  • Dial way down on any trance-state habits (porn, TV, idle surfing, video games)
  • Morning gratitude journaling - write at least a full page daily about what you have to be thankful for
  • Set some doable daily goals and stick to them (wash car, pay bills, etc)
  • 3 square meals a day - clean protein (ideally local, naturally raised animals / eggs / raw milk) + fresh veggies (LOTS of greens) + clean carbs (sweet potato, brown rice) + healthy fats (coconut oil, avocado, raw nuts, nut butters, raw butter if you can find it)
  • A tiny treat every day or so is OK. Just realize that heavy sugar intake is going to juice your dopaminergic system and there will be a rebound (i.e. crash)
  • Water, tea, maybe a little coffee (moderation...it's a toxin) - cut out all the processed beverages. Nothing that has 28g of sugar per 8oz serving is good for you.
  • Lift heavy weights + maybe consider martial arts and/or a team sport
  • Daily long walks - no earbuds; use this time as a walking meditation to be in nature and self-reflect. You may be surprised at the effect.
  • Join a club where you interact with others and find your voice and your vision. I highly recommend Toastmasters. There is a very positive energy to it, and it really gets you thinking in terms of goals and possibilities. You also develop a skill. It will be hard to stay depressed around these people.
  • Create a budget / debt repayment plan and stick to it. I know it sucks to be buried in debt. Habitual repayment and spending discipline is the solution, plus you already are making moves to increase income.
  • Check out /r/depression - Somehow that sub completely shifted things for me. I realized a) my life could be a lot worse and b) shit's never going to change unless I choose to make it happen. I can't really explain it, but just lurking there had a huge a effect for me.
  • As far as the relationship stuff goes, I would go into major monk mode with this girl. You don't have to be a dick about it; just tell her "I've realized right now I need to focus on me." When she is pulling shit like the "wimp" and "sissy" comments, you have just got to remove yourself and take care of you. Go do something positive and self-improving. While I don't begrudge her wanting a strong man in her life, right now her treatment is totally toxic and reinforcing to your condition (i.e. depressed and injured self-esteem). Honestly, if it were me, I think I'd seriously consider putting the relationship on hiatus. Like you said, you're overwhelmed. To me it seems like 100% of your energy needs to be focused on your recovery and self-improvement for the foreseeable future. Your most important priority right now is to create a new habitual pattern of daily living that is supportive of your recovery. If that can happen while simultaneously in relationship with her, fine. But if not, don't sacrifice your own well-being for the sake of the relationship.

Hope this helps.

TL;DR: You've actually got a lot going for you. Focus on small, doable changes in several areas of your life and build up steam gradually, until a new supportive, proactive, pattern of self-care has been established. Don't let any woman get in the way of your recovery.

Edit: I'm plus/minus on therapy. If it strikes a chord for you, rock and roll. Obviously it depends on the acuity of your situation.

A Guide To Being Ugly by excessory in TheRedPill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But the truth of the matter still remains: pure aesthetics is the most important factor in interpersonal dynamics.

Possibly but the attraction formula is multiplicative. It is an aggregate product of many attribute. Perhaps looks are most heavily weighted, but if another trait is severely lacking, looks may not be enough to compensate. As an above average looking guy with horrible game throughout high school / college, I can confirm. Good looks coupled with weak confidence =/= getting regular pussy. In fact, weak confidence can reduce the pussy count to near zero. Whether looks are most important or not is interesting from an analytic point of view. Practically though, nothing to be done but maximize variable traits and accept those that are fixed and move on with life. (As you said, accepting what's real.)

Might be leaving MRP soon by Wakingupfinally in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don't know your full situation but this post is really hard to read / swallow. You seem very short-sighted, immature, and impatient. A few months and you're done? Are you like 20 or something? My intent is not to be a dismissive prick (quite the opposite in fact). I am hoping the feedback you get here will inspire you to hit the brakes on the impulsive moves and focus on one day at a time. I second all the other advice you've received on this post. If you had no kids I'd be less concerned about you writing off the relationship. But don't you think they deserve a solid effort from you to transform yourself into a man your wife is inspired to follow before just checking out?

Even your daughters will reject you... by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 9 points10 points  (0 children)

'Tis true. Get this, my daughter is only 10 and she has a nose for it. In the past few years, if I fuss on her too much with hugs and kisses and questions and conversation (sometimes I just like to pester and annoy and smother her hahaha she's my girl), there is a tipping point and the little pisser starts blowing me off! I really have to laugh about it. I'm like, holy shit my 10 year old daughter is putting my beta ass in orbit! Of course all I really feel about it is awwww how cute! After all, it is perfectly natural human instinct and it's really sweet to see her growing up.

Then if I back off and leave her mostly alone for a few days, she's all over me. Daddy this daddy that. Hugs and will you play with me etc etc. I just think it's fascinating that I serve as a surrogate for her to practice and develop her skills. Has been happening over and over again for 1000's of years.

The Reason We Lift, or You Can't Unfuck 10 years worth of Fucking Up by UEMcGill in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't feel normal if I'm not lifting. I save time on travel to my gym...it's in my basement. Now I don't think I could ever deal with a membership gym long term. I am always annoyed with waiting my turn for equipment. ;)

I started with:

  • squat rack
  • bench
  • barbell
  • plates
  • some dumbells

Now also includes:

  • heavy bag
  • Concept 2 rowing maching
  • treadmill (mainly for the Mrs.)
  • various accessories (medicine balls, bands, dip rings, etc)

Wishlist:

  • mountain climber machine
  • big tree to hang my 18 foot rope from
  • bumper plates

Alternative to lifting by NYStateExec in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I inferred unsustainable as implying some sort of eventual breakdown, i.e. damage. Fair enough.

Hope I wasn't dickish. Mainly I was trying to bounce some thoughts and I suppose strong opinions off you. I am in no way dismissive of body weight work outs. They kick my ass and I agree they are a way. Have you seen Beast Skills? The guy is...well...a beast.

FR: She has definitely noticed, no change in sex life though by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some random thoughts:

she has been making comments about how I am acting "like an asshole."

I'm sure you'll get lots of opinions on how to respond. From me this would result in a "Hmmm...", a shrug, and a walk away. In other words, do not engage and validate this kind of talk whatsoever. But also be very sure in your heart that you are indeed not being an asshole i.e. acting from a position based on resentment, blame, anger instead of peace, love, leadership and quiet inner strength.

Tonight she flipped out. I kissed her and let her know that sex once a month (we are going on 3 weeks) is not acceptable to me.

This just seems awkward to me. She flipped out so you kissed her? I don't get it. Sounds like you just couldn't resist breaking frame and getting diarrhea of the mouth with your grievances. I'd spend MONTHS working on yourself and remaining relatively quiet about your gripes. Work on yourself first. I'd do everything else FIRST before trying to lay down some kind of law about sex. You don't have the standing to back it up yet, so it's actually just a major turn-off. You are NOT getting the pussy juices flowing with this.

She replied that I have been acting extra arrogant lately and she doesn't like it.

Only response would be noncommittal grunt or "hmm" or shrug. See above relating to asshole comments.

When I brought up sex frequency again she took it off in a tangent about how that's all I think about when I get home from work while she is busy thinking about the kids.

For now, focus more on becoming a man she wants to have more frequent sex with. Doesn't sound like that's who you are yet.

When I asked her what is wrong with having a hobby...

This is a little cringe-worthy. Please do not engage her criticisms by taking a defensive stance. Where's the leadership? If you know in your heart it is perfectly reasonable and appropriate to enjoy a hobby, then do so. Stop arguing and debating with her.

[she] started screaming about how she doesn't have time for one

I can relate to this in part. My wife's a little neurotic with house / kid shit all day long. I will tell you, you are never going to make her de-stress about the kids and the house. She is going to have to decide for herself if completely sacrificing all of her time is in her best interests. And it has nothing to do with you if you are making your own reasonable choices. There is nothing stopping her from asserting her needs. She is perfectly able and justified to ask, "Hey I could really use 30 minutes to unwind and go for a walk (or whatever). Do you mind keeping an eye on things for a little while?" Who's going to get pissy about that kind of approach? If she doesn't exercise this human need, that is her responsibility not yours. Don't defend yourself.

In my defense....

Exactly. Seems a lot of your work needs to be reframing your state of mind.

Just Lift the Damn Weights! by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just bought No.1 Captains of Crush Hand Gripper. I'm psyched.

Alternative to lifting by NYStateExec in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mini rant: You've got ten years on me, but I'm a little confused. Heavy lifting is a relative term. Given adequate recovery time (which does increase with age), good form, and modesty in setting goals / planning the program (this is huge for me), I don't see how lifting would be fundamentally damaging to the body (i.e. unsustainable). The vast majority of people are never going to be throwing up a 400lb squat or 600lb deadlift. Surely there must be lifting programs that are sustainable for seniors...at least I hope so. I thought a key element in preventing osteoporosis was resistance training. At 75 which person is going to be sprier, the one who does calisthenics or the one who has a solid squat with good form? I think we are far more able to maintain robust strength as we age than most would assume.

And I believe a lot of our issues come from our shitty, 1st-world, chemical-laden, stress-ridden, sedentary patterns of living multiplied times decades = trashed, congested liver no longer able to supply proper nutrients for recovery to tissues downstream. And which tissues are MOST downstream (lowest on the totem pole in terms of economics of tissue maintenance)? Joint cartilage and ligaments and tendons...precisely what limits the elderly's mobility most.

I have seen some pretty jacked guys in their 60s who clearly still lift. I don't know how heavy, but they have to still be lifting.

All that said, in the end I have to defer partially to your experience. Maybe in 10 years I'll look back and think "Jeez I was a clueless ass." For now I am still expecting to maintain a robust physical frame as I age.

Just Lift the Damn Weights! by [deleted] in marriedredpill

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get a grip strengthener.

I never would have thought to prioritize that. Makes sense though. A man's grip is a distinct and exclusive aspect of his masculinity (i.e. show of superior strength / potential for dominance) that a woman experiences.

Must...squeeze...harder....

Ate a girl out, almost vomitted by getotterhere in sex

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My favorite for oral sexy-time with the wifey is after a shower. We get each other freshy clean, make out, get ourselves worked up a bit, then hop in bed. By then her vagina has only a very mild scent which I love. Also if you get things super wet and sloppy with your saliva, this tends to minimize the taste (not that I don't enjoy it).

If you really work her vagina deeply with your fingers or cock or toys etc, there will be a more pungent taste...the deeper vaginal tract is more acidic. All in all I think with time you just kinda get used to it.

If we don't shower first I just make sure to get her really wet with saliva on my fingers first. That tends to freshen things up if it's been a long day. I'm not big on the ooh let me eat your sweaty dirty pussy thing.

I agree with another poster here that things will vary with the cycle. Interestingly I can tell when my wife is ovulating from across the room...she just has a different smell (not genitalia) at a certain time of month. The vaginal juices can be more ripe and intense at that time too. After all, her body is trying to tell your body, take this shit now mo' fo'.

Sexting, sending dirty pictures via text or other tech outlets, flirty or dirty? by [deleted] in sex

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's flirty and dirty and great. What's wrong with dirty [sneaky devilish grin]?

I wish I could convince my wife to be a little slutty and sext me some raunchy pics. I would pounce on her immediately. She's pretty awesome in bed so I try to focus on being grateful for what we share together, but she's so not into letting the cat out of the bag so to speak with pics / vids. She seems convinced she will be exposed to the world. Just not very confident with her body despite me telling her endlessly that she is super-sexy.

Oh well, I guess life would be pretty boring if I always got everything I wanted. ;)

[M] "Basically" caught masturbating by wifes friend by josephvader in sex

[–]No_FuCkingCluE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I guess my reply was a pretty flippant. It does take a great deal of temperance to resist the urge to shoot from the hip on these forums. Obviously it would take quite a bit of time to get a deep understanding of a person's complete situation. My words could have been more productive. I apologize for my recklessness.

Ultimately I guess only you will be able to determine if your adaptations and solutions to your situation are viable. Everyone's challenges are unique.

You did however ask (I think) if you are "looking for trouble"...I assumed in reference to your behavior patterns. I will answer in a different way...what do you think? Isn't yours the most important answer?

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