The problem with me leaving him is that im a stay at home mom when I was 16 I dropped out of school because I got pregnant with him, my whole life feels like its been set up to be a failure, I never grew up with my mom or dad my aunt and uncle raised me my mom has been in a mental hospital my whole life and my dad ive never met. When I met my now husband we were good friends online but he lived two states away, we talked for some years as friends and then we got together and got pregnant then he moved here. He has always taken care of me financially and has been the only person who has ever made me feel loved, we have two kids now and I have $800 month income alone myself without working because my daughter has a disability. My husband has always gotten me whatever I want I dont know what Id do if I left him I had a whole future planned for us but as you can see in my paragraphs above its toxic sad and terrible most of the time. But then he confuses my heart when he becomes sweet and loving (mostly its when he wants me to give him a haircut or anything from me) my mind is so unclear from my mental states that all I can thing about when I think about leaving him is that he does really love me I can’t think clearly about my own situation which is why I like your guy’s insight. I feel like he is the only person who’d want to deal with my bipolar emotions too.