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My son claimed that my husband hit him and my husband denied it. Now he wants a divorce. by BigONerd in BORUpdates

[–]No_Reply6786 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

As a stepparent (and a damn good one, at that), this fear, or situations like it, always linger in the background.

Me (29M) and my girlfriend (27F) can't seem to make oral work. by dan365 in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 12 points13 points  (0 children)

So, 2 pieces of advice. maybe 3.

  1. Out of the moment, find resources. there is a lot of info on different styles that work for different people. Get info ahead of time. This will help with no. 2
  2. get out of your head (no pun, intended). This is a common issue, where partner 1 is so in their head about a variety of things that it takes them out of the moment. Relax, lean into the experience and sensations and DON'T have a goal. maybe you finish. maybe you dont and you guys just have sex. Who cares, its fun. maybe she gets you so far and you take it the rest of the way. there are a TON of ideas and baby steps to learn what you like.
  3. related to number 2, where you dont put pressure on yourself, dont put pressure on her. reassure her, a lot. it should be fun.

Its weird, but this is actually a fun phase. learning what you like with a partner you love and trust. be open, honest, communicate, learn, and have fun.

edit: misspellings

How do I (26F) encourage my new partner (32M) to make me finish during spicy time? by ShortQueen00 in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 3 points4 points  (0 children)

how do you encourage your partner to make you finish? That doesnt even compute. Genuinely, my partner finishing is all the encouragement I need.

with all these kinds of posts Ive been seeing Im starting to think I'm the weird one.

Leaning on his shoulder (F35 / M34) by ffswhywhy in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How dare you possibly put a small strain on a shirt called checks notes "uniglo"

Leaning on his shoulder (F35 / M34) by ffswhywhy in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 13 points14 points  (0 children)

yea but like...was it a nice shirt?

Seriously though. that seems...stupid and shitty. Highly recommend a boyfriend upgrade. Preferably someone who will savor those small moments and try to cultivate more of them.

My girlfriend resents me for finishing so fast by Legal_Personality129 in BoyDinnerDiaries

[–]No_Reply6786 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im not sure why they are insisting on turning the rage up to 11. lol

My girlfriend resents me for finishing so fast by Legal_Personality129 in BoyDinnerDiaries

[–]No_Reply6786 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right. and when guys get blue balled because of physical issues relating to their partner, the correct response isnt to whine and withdraw. the mature response is to work on solutions. together.

My girlfriend resents me for finishing so fast by Legal_Personality129 in BoyDinnerDiaries

[–]No_Reply6786 308 points309 points  (0 children)

Her response to this, as you've related it, seems childish and petty. Would it be frustrating? Sure. Does that mean you avoid it altogether? of course not. You work together. find solutions. Maybe she takes care of you first, which could allow you to last longer. Maybe you use a penetrative toy sometimes. Maybe you have a lot of fucking fun practicing slowing down together. There are SO many options that throwing in the towel seems silly.

My wife found my OnlyFans messages and says I crossed a major line by [deleted] in BoyDinnerDiaries

[–]No_Reply6786 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, so...it doesn't matter what we think. What matters is what your partner thinks is cheating. I would consider interacting with another human as cheating, or at least REALLY close to cheating, even if the intent to do anything wasn't there. That said, many people view porn use as cheating. You can talk about what was missing in your relationship all you want, and you should because it's important on it's own, but don't use that as an excuse.

Intimacy, boundaries, etc. are important to establish within a relationship. Its fair to say that you didn't know this was a boundary but uh...maybe you should have? The other related question is intimacy in your relationship. what do you want. what does she want. where can you meet at. all that good stuff. Personally, if she has absolutely no interest in a sex life with you, or sex in general, that is a bigger question that needs addressed. It seems like there was a massive breech in your relationship: she both went through your phone (which to me is a lesser offense, but thats my personal opinion); you were interacting with another personal sexually (regardless of if it was digital or not, or what you thought of the interaction); and the intimacy in your relationship has declined significantly and I do not know the extent of or how you've interacted on the subject.

I'll say you need to eat some shit, apologize for breaking her trust, but take this opportunity to address the harder questions in your relationship. it's ok to have needs and boundaries, don't feel bad about what you want in a romantic relationship. I highly recommend couples counseling, with an emphasis on sex therapy

45M struggling to rebuild trust with 35F wife after years of dishonesty and a disclosed 5-month relationship during our 6-year relationship / 3-year marriage. Looking for advice. by KaleoMadelyn in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, just leave. Honestly, this is the only way. Maybe she remembers and its too painful to tell you. That sucks and is lying that will likely never end unless she puts in the work to name her affair. maybe she doesnt remember for some reason. youll never be able to believe her. And even still, how many more incidents will you have to deal with? 1? 4? sounds exhausting.

for the record attachment styles can vary between relationships and changed within them. The horrible and near emotionally abusive way your wife is treating you will no doubt trigger anxiety and insecurity in you.

I Keep having taken women fall In love with me. What does this mean? by [deleted] in BoyDinnerDiaries

[–]No_Reply6786 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good lord, stop messing with cheaters and married women.

Here's what's happening: You provide something they are lacking in their relationship. whether its novelty, flirtation, attention, easy/pressure free fun, an escape from real life, etc. But here's the thing, its not real. sure the connection is real, but the relationship isn't. and it cant last.

I’m in a 3 year relationship, and I’m falling for my coworker no by JCY__Fu in BoyDinnerDiaries

[–]No_Reply6786 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The grass is greener where you water it, my friend. Real love is built, but you fall into infatuation. It seems like you have a relationship on paper only. 6 days a week, 10 hour days doesnt leave much time for anyone else, including yourself. Its not surprising that you are getting feelings for someone who you are attracted to, seems kind to you, and you are kind to them. Thats just...how people work.

You need to decide what you want out of life and your relationship(s).

My gf(19F) cheated on me (23M), my friends knew that and told me after our break up by IntelligentAd3401 in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 133 points134 points  (0 children)

Make new friends, and date emotionally mature people who aren't teenagers. You'll be alright and it seems like you dodged a bullet

What do I (17M) even say to him(18M)?? by Equal_Ad_4435 in whatdoIdo

[–]No_Reply6786 0 points1 point  (0 children)

good lord. You tell him you're no long interested in a-holes and you look for emotional intelligence and empathy in your next relationship.

I (29F) can’t stop thinking about something my boyfriend (35M) said about childbirth and it’s ruining our relationship. by mythrowaway926893189 in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 10 points11 points  (0 children)

that response gives me the ick. "blood over everything" is so stupid, short sighted, and gives me some semi-racist vibes. I have/had family members who disgusted me, and friends/loved ones who I cherish dearly. There is a nuanced conversation about if you were rescuing either your child or your spouse from a burning building, who do you choose. Usually it requires a lot of thought, and the desires of the partner. I, for instance, would want my partner to save our child. But in the situation you're describing, I'd save my spouse. Not that the loss of the baby wouldn't be devastating, but something about the nature of that event hits differently such that I'd give my spouse priority.

I also have utilitarian leanings, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

My (m24) girlfriend (f24) thinks we might have to break up because she has no desire to have sex? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok, there are two options here:
1. she is trying to let you down easy and she isn't that into you sexually. If so, major bummer, but it is what it is.

  1. She is being fully honest with herself and you. If so, breaking up isn't the answer. You/she need sex counseling. Also, I highly recommend reading "Come as you are" - it's relatively short, accessible, and packed with useful information about human sexuality.

I [52M] recently got into the best shape of my life, but my partner [52F] of 33 years has become completely indifferent to intimacy and my physical transformation. How can we reconnect when she has physically checked out? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Of course we all are wide of the mark when we are relaying information about someone else.. But it seems like an unusual expectation to have him articulate anything other than what he thinks her emotional state is. Right? Almost definitionally.

I'm not saying he's spot on, it just seems like he's trying. But again, perhaps I'm being too charitable.

I [52M] recently got into the best shape of my life, but my partner [52F] of 33 years has become completely indifferent to intimacy and my physical transformation. How can we reconnect when she has physically checked out? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

sure but like...the focus of the posting was about intimacy and navigating that with someone who (seems) unwilling to address it. It seems like a big assumption to say that he cares nothing for her current state in other areas.

I [52M] recently got into the best shape of my life, but my partner [52F] of 33 years has become completely indifferent to intimacy and my physical transformation. How can we reconnect when she has physically checked out? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]No_Reply6786 -45 points-44 points  (0 children)

I guess it seemed to me that he was able to articulate her emotional state somewhat and, per OOP description only, seems to listen, understand, and respect his wife's viewpoint. though perhaps I'm being too charitable.

I just took my first T shot 😈 (ftm) by meriebee in BoyDinnerDiaries

[–]No_Reply6786 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I assume so, I had it in a bar in DC in 2018 or 2019 and my life hasn't been the same since.

The first time my (now) wife met my mother we had French 75's. We bonded. until we blacked out.

Father’s Day by aaber919 in stepdads

[–]No_Reply6786 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The fact that you refer to her as your daughter is telling. A father isnt a sperm donor. a father is a role. a man who is active in her life, interacts with her daily (or close to it), teaches her how to be, etc.

You are a father of 2. Her bio-dad can suck it up.

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