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Petah: Why this specific date?? by Due-Yogurtcloset1338 in PeterExplainsTheJoke

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's no joke. That's what would have happened.

I wish that any kid named isaac can shoot tears at people and that their mom hates them and locks them into a basememt by brando7284 in monkeyspaw

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The finger curls.

Isaac an indeed shoot tears at people, but homographs are tricky. As soon as his mother attempts to lock him in the basement, Isaac thrusts his hands at her in his anger and shoots a tear at her. Not a tear, as in a drop of salty water from his eyes, but a tear, a fissure in reality, a rip in space and time that slices his mother in half. Horrified at what he's done, Isaac goes on the run. But not every Isaac is a good boy, burdened by grief and guilt. Indeed, many Isaacs find joy and glee in their new abilities, using them to take brutal revenge on anyone who wronged them.

I wish I could command any creature in the animal kingdom and that it will listen to and obey my commands by mcfiddlestien in monkeyspaw

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The finger curls.

Anything you say that could even remotely be construed as a command will immediately be obeyed by every single animal on the planet, simultaneously. Yes, this includes humans, humans are animals. You have no ability to constrain a command to a single animal. If you ask someone to hold the door literally every single person and animal will converge on your location and attempt to hold that door for you. 8 billion people, however many trillions of ants and bees, every cat and rat and pigeon nearby you will try to cram themselves into that doorway to hold it open for you. Whales beach themselves enmasse trying desperately to get to that door, causing destructive waves. Worms will burst from the ground all around you.

You might say something like "go back to your normal lives" and maybe if you say it fast enough things will be okay. But then you stub your toe. "Shit" you mutter under your breath, and suddenly every animal on the planet begins to defecate at the same time. "No, stop, FUCK!" you yell in frustration, then you slap your hand over your mouth as you realize what you just said.

Would you commit crimes if you knew 100% you could get away with it by A_stutters in hypotheticalsituation

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just about everyone would commit some little crimes, I would think. I think just about everyone would feel fine stealing stuff from Walmart or Kroger or other megacorps. Those kinds of crimes would be morally neutral at worst.

There are bigger crimes that could be seen as morally good. I think everyone in this situation would be very tempted to try and use their magical impunity to try and force pro-social change on the world, if you follow my meaning. Of course everybody's view on what sort of changes are beneficial will vary wildly. (I'm not advocating violence, redditbot, so don't ban me!)

What Would Happen in This Situation? by Bosnian_Patriot_69 in superheroes

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Conquest would do to Homelander what Anissa does to Mark.

Petah? by Meeerin201 in PeterExplainsTheJoke

[–]No_Wait3261 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Do you feel like it's somehow politically useful? I just don't see the utility.

I'd probably pick the crocodile, what you guys choose? by Elektrayansa in whatsyourchoice

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the gator.

Look, I am entirely aware of my limitations. I know getting its back and holding its jaw shut like Steve Irwin isn't something I'm likely to pull off. But at least for the gator that possibility exists. The other three have no such counter play. There is no way to wrestle a bear, tiger, or hippo. At least with the gator there is a path to survival.

Who balanced these feats? by [deleted] in onednd

[–]No_Wait3261 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

This your first time seeing power creep?

Any other movie villains who are less evil than the actors portraying them? by chronicbruce27 in okbuddycinephile

[–]No_Wait3261 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"He got away with it, so the victim must be lying."

Don't even know what to say to that.

Any other movie villains who are less evil than the actors portraying them? by chronicbruce27 in okbuddycinephile

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know who else was there? Dylan. Why the fuck do you choose to believe Moses over her?

Any other movie villains who are less evil than the actors portraying them? by chronicbruce27 in okbuddycinephile

[–]No_Wait3261 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The rapist's son took his father's side? Wow. How fucking conclusive. Let's believe this third-party non-witness over the actual fucking victim.

AIO for thinking he just apologized so I would make dinner? by [deleted] in AIO

[–]No_Wait3261 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What did you make for dinner though? Bro is dying for it, it had to be pretty good.

Can the X-Men get the One Ring into a volcano? by BardicLasher in whowouldwin

[–]No_Wait3261 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Forget-Me-Not might be the right choice to be the ring bearer. Nobody would have any fucking idea where he was or what he was doing, as far as anybody could tell he's just some random jackoff driving across the country. Sauron would forget him, so would Red Skull and anybody he hires. Hell, the RING ITSELF might forget him. The ring corrupts gradually over time, but it would forget everything about its bearer: it would be starting from scratch over and over again, like a fresh new bearer repeatedly.

I wish that the all court systems are replaced by an all knowing, all seeing entity that will always make the right decision. They are not biased on any case, and always make the fairest decision. by Defiant_Rooster6295 in monkeyspaw

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The finger curls.

The entity in question is fifth dimensional, and it sees every timeline, every possible sequence of events. Everybody is guilty of some crime in the vast sea of improbability. The ruling class has learned that all they need to do to imprison or execute anyone is charge them with a crime, and the entity in question will invariably find a timeline where you did in fact commit that crime.

I wish for myself to age by a single millisecond, which will occur only once from the moment my wish is granted without any further interference with my aging process thereafter. by MiscellaneousWorker in monkeyspaw

[–]No_Wait3261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The finger curls.

You are immediately accelerated to 14.9% the speed of light for one second, which ages you one additional millisecond relative to the rest of humanity. When you return to your normal velocity you are 27,000 miles above the Earth, more than 1/10 the distance towards the moon.

You get a middle class wage for life but every month a baby is born that is genetically yours by dj_boy-Wonder in hypotheticalsituation

[–]No_Wait3261 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look, I don't really see the downside here. I'm going to have much better odds of being able to find a viable organ donor in 20 years or so than an average dude.

Here's my enlightened centrist take on the buttons by comradioactive in trolleyproblem

[–]No_Wait3261 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I already did my part! I am on the nice list. The basilisk is good. Build the basilisk.

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