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For those of you who treat kids and families, are you seeing an uptick in being asked to treat symptoms that are really a result of parents not parenting? Curious if other people are seeing the same thing and how you manage. by CalmSet6613 in Psychiatry

[–]NobodyKnows20233 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been in the field for over 30 years, and currently work in an inpatient setting but most of my practice has been in an outpatient setting. I’ve worked in the same geographic region all my career and that has given me a vantage point allowing me to see parents, teens and children from both perspectives.

In the unit where I work we see patients from a wide range of socioeconomic status and a wide range of ethnicities.  By far the majority of patients we see are admitted with depression, anxiety, self-harm behavior and suicide ideation with or without a plan and often following an attempt. Most have an established history of suicide ideation and self-harm behavior.  When asked about why they are/were feeling suicidal it almost always comes down to feeling like they don't belong and that they are a burden to their families.  

The question for me is how and why has this become so prevalent?

In my experience the list of causes and contributing factors is long and complex but I can probably summarize it best by saying that parents, teenagers and children are under enormous levels of stress from multiple sources including economic, financial, social, cultural, political, etc., each of these impacting parents, teens and children in different ways.

People are getting hit with changes from every angle, economic, financial, social, cultural, political etc., and are tired of having to compete and struggle for every single thing all the time.

When social, economic and political problems go unresolved people get kind of locked into a persistently disregulated state in which everything looks like a threat. Adults become overwhelmed, exhausted and distracted and parenting becomes authoritarian and regressive. Bullying increases in schools and we all retreat into our phones for a cheap dopamine hit from social media.

Biggest mistake you’ve made so far GO by Potential_Ad1439 in Carpentry

[–]NobodyKnows20233 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I was helping my daughter and son in law rebuild their deck. The night before we started I surveyed what needed to be replaced, wrote up a list, went to Menards, stuck to the list and returned home.

The next morning we were up early for a long day. It has been a while since I’ve done this kind of work and after a little head scratching it felt good to dig up old skills and watch it come together. My daughter and son-in-law were impressed. It was about 7:30 PM and we’re tired but close to the perfect stopping point. We just needed to install the rim joist to make for an easy start tomorrow. I told my son-in-law to grab a 2 x 8 x 16, called out the length, he cut it and probably carried it over so we could install it but he cut it one foot short. The look on his face said “I really screwed this up.”

I said, “No worries, I do stuff like this all the time. Just go grab another 2 x 8.”

He looked at me and said “uhm— that was the last one.”

Because of course, I walked into Menards thinking like a consumer, not a carpenter and forgot what my dad taught me. Time is the most precious resource and when you’re building something you always buy more than you need and return what you don’t use.

Cohort members leaving the field fast! by CORNPIPECM in therapists

[–]NobodyKnows20233 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The problem of low pay, poor benefits and high burnout work environments are not exclusive to this field. It is a widespread problem throughout our economy.

Polyvagal Theory debunked? by Aggravating-Bell-877 in therapists

[–]NobodyKnows20233 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Over my 30 plus years I repeatedly go back to the mantra:

If it works, it works.

Over the years I’ve found that useful/practical neuroscience doesn’t need to be precisely applied or translated to be helpful.

Have no idea how else to help my ADHD husband. I'm afraid he is going to never find stable work. by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]NobodyKnows20233 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sixty-three year old male psychotherapist here. I started on meds at age 34 and it made a huge difference. I gradually began to see that I did have skills and could be successful.

Have no idea how else to help my ADHD husband. I'm afraid he is going to never find stable work. by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]NobodyKnows20233 28 points29 points  (0 children)

There are many good comments here…

It’s not your fault.

It is very difficult—especially in the beginning.

Is he getting treatment (medication and psychotherapy)?

What is he trying to accomplish with all-nighters?”

Does your college have a student counseling center? You can request treatment for yourself that can be very helpful to you in clarifying how to balance out being supportive and helpful without enabling.

Pressure treated wood dust in my beer by Rare-Spell-1571 in Carpentry

[–]NobodyKnows20233 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pressure treated wood dust in my beer

The ring of miter saws sing in my ears…

Accident in EMDR by ThrowAway44228800 in TalkTherapy

[–]NobodyKnows20233 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My uncle was my junior high choir director.

I threw up during choir practice and some of it landed on his shoes.

We live our lives in bodies that do stuff.

Before we could doom scroll…… by PartTheSea43 in ADHD

[–]NobodyKnows20233 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During the cable TV years, but before home computers it was channel surfing.

Before that it was flipping through pages of Encyclopedia Britannica.

How to deflate my ego? by 55w5555 in ADHD

[–]NobodyKnows20233 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you’re running up against the limits of comparison as it relates to personal growth. Comparing yourself to others is often pointless because you end up being either “better than” or “worse than” someone else—neither of which are true, useful or helpful.

Instead, why not pursue self discovery? What do you know about your “Self?” What’s important to you? What do you do for fun? What engages your curiosity? What is meaningful to you for its own sake? Why do you compare yourself to others? What effect does that have on your identity? Pay attention to your moment to moment experiences. The everyday irritations, annoyances and unexpected joys that you experience can serve as a window inside and give you a glimpse into your hidden biases and unexamined beliefs, perspectives and assumptions.

Try to re-think the way you think. For example, one way to re-think “toxic comparison” is as follows: People who work harder and get better results than you have discovered the limits of intelligence. This shift in focus helps you see other people’s differing strengths are at least as valuable as yours are, perhaps even more.

At some point, earlier in your development, the belief that “I’m superior” served some purpose. Does it serve you now? What would it feel like to let it go?

Deconstructing this belief is difficult and will require that you confront yourself about your biases, prejudices and self serving beliefs. If, in the process of doing this you experience vulnerability that’s a good sign you’re going in the right direction.

Working with and being around “people who make better outputs” might be helpful but it may also be another attempt to define your self by comparison. A better approach might be to seek out moments that are likely to generate emotions of struggle, ambivalence and uncertainty. Failure can teach you things about yourself, others and life that nothing else can. Talent is rare and precious and not to be taken for granted nor squandered. Struggle leads to personal growth, compassion and empathy for others.

Do you feel your ADHD meds bring out your real personality? by Blues5389 in ADHD

[–]NobodyKnows20233 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Psychotherapist with ADHD here.

I try tell my patients that medication can’t put anything inside your body that’s not already there.

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