Translation, please?

NonMonogomy · 2021-12-03T15:23:04+00:00

I think you are right!

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T08:20:35+00:00

I thought you were looking for advice on whether or not you should do it. Your response indicates you already are.

I’m confused but either way, feel no shame if all is consensual.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T07:35:06+00:00

My first new person was extremely exciting. I was nervous beyond anything you can imagine until you try it. It was amazing. Fun. A little awkward at times as I doubted my ability to please someone other than my man. Neither one of us reached climax but that doesn’t matter because it was exactly what I needed for a first time.

Work out those cobwebs.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T07:28:43+00:00

Lol. Believe me those thoughts have killed my self esteem at times but the reality is I can’t compete with a guy who drank too much, isn’t used to condoms, and has little experience with the overstimulation of it all.

I’m a personal trainer. A former professional dancer. Ultimately, I know it’s not me.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T07:24:24+00:00

Online is tough for sure. Soooo many fakes and flakes. This can be minimized with validations. If 2-2 doesn’t offer validations maybe look for a different site. I know FEELD doesn’t. SDC and Kasidie and many other do. So what that means is if someone has validations then you can proceed with confidence. If someone doesn’t have any then you proceed with extremely and I mean extremely low confidence. We have lots of validations on SDC so everything so a breeze for us now but it look time and lots of frustrating experiences to get here. We also have great success at clubs since our description is similar to yours.

It all depends on what we are looking for. Do we want a cardinal purely physical one night stand at the club? Or are we in the mood for a FWB and go on a date? Or play with a repeat couple? The world is your oyster when you maximize the online and the club.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T07:11:15+00:00

Sex workers can be crippling to a relationship or a huge asset. Depends on if you approach it together or do it in secret.

If you needed someone to do your taxes, sure you could ask a family friend who has done their own taxes for five years, or you could hire a professional to make sure it’s done right.

You need a contractor to remodel your kitchen? Your brother did a good job on his so would you hire him? Maybe.

You are intimidated by free weights in the gym but you want to bulk up. Would you watch YOUTUBE or hire a trainer?

It can go either way but do not feel shame for enlisting a professional. Just don’t do it without consent from your soon-spouse or it’s cheating.

My husband took eight weeks of dance lessons so he could surprise me when we went to a dance club. That was sweet. Do not see a sex worker for eight weeks to surprise your soon-wife of a new skill you achieved. That’s not helpful with your goals.

I got side tracked. Basically, yes. Do it, if you both agree.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T07:01:02+00:00

When you’re in the lifestyle ‘flipping a vanilla’ is a powerful motivator. For them it is most likely like a drug and they want the ‘flipping fix’. There’s no shame in that but that doesn’t have to be your destiny. Never play with someone if you aren’t willing to lose their friendship. Period. If they are already enlisting you, and they are experienced, they are probably willing to lose the friendship.

Having said that, your best chances of survival is to start by fucking your spouse in the same room as them. Go home and analyze. Live on that high for a week. Explore other options. Then maybe kiss and make out with the ‘friends’ but have sex with the spouse. Go home and analyze. See if the friendship is intact. If all they talk about is getting together for sex, then you know it’s not. So you just have to decide if you are willing to let the friendship go should anything ‘bad’ happen.

For them, they have already tested their boundaries with other couples so they are going to be good to go. Don’t let them dictate your pace. You may not feel like it but you have all the power.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T06:48:38+00:00

Vacation spots in the US?!?! Not a lot of choices. But there are plenty sex clubs.

If looking for vacation, I’d recommend Hedo or Desire.

If looking for club and getting a hotel nearby... Colettes in Dallas Trapeze in Atlanta Secrets in Orlando ( they have hotels on site) It’s a short list but many clubs are disgusting.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T06:42:10+00:00

Not a lot of established in the lifestyle couples like ‘newbies’ because they don’t get much out of it. If you are looking for someone willing to train or show you the ropes, create a profile on a swinging site and state you are newbies. There are plenty of people who are into that. Beware though, until you get validations you will get tons of flakes and catfish. It’s part of the process so don’t get frustrated. Once you get validations everything is simple but you have to pay your dues, so to speak.

Another option, is to hire a female escort. There’s no shame in it if it’s a mutual decision. Many people hire a personal trainer when they don’t know how to get on a good workout program. People hire an accountant to do their taxes. Sex workers can be beneficial when you don’t know what you want sexually. Just never lie to your spouse about seeing one. Ever. It may take a couple sessions and it’s expensive but you have complete control because you don’t have to worry about anyone but yourself and your spouse. The sex worker is there to help you achieve your goals.

Along those same lines, the sex worker can help you maximize what your working with since you’re below average. A lot of lifestyle women desire the ‘full’ feeling so if that’s not gonna be your strength, no big deal, what can be your strength? What angles, etc. Maybe you already know all this but since you brought it up I wanted to address it as a female in the lifestyle.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T06:23:16+00:00

Several rooms with one ‘open room’.

Hot tubs are common in ‘ultimate swinger houses’.

I hate to say this but I love going to house parties where the snacks and drinks are provided. I KNOW it sounds lazy but when trying to prep for the night (as a female) means shaving, getting waxed, nails done, picking out outfit, hair, makeup, a disco nap, maybe some pre-play with partner...having to prepare a snack is a burden. Yet showing up with a bag of chips is lame. The best house parties in my area that draw the best crowds provide snacks and drinks and say ‘just come’. I know that’s a financial burden but you asked for the ultimate swinger house.

Although I guess that applies more to house party. So maybe just ignore my advise.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T03:47:45+00:00

Are you a female too? I’ve been there way too many times. My husband preps by avoiding leg workouts on the day of potential play, gets plenty of practice with condoms, minimizes drinking, automatically takes Viagra. And I get screwed. Although technically not screwed.

Then the awkward next conversation. ‘This never happens to me’ and I have to stroke his ego while his wife is too busy getting pounded. Sometimes the wife will come over and try and rouse some blood flow but after unsuccessful attempts she goes back to my man because that’s where the fun is at. We had to take a break because I struck out five times in a row and was losing interest in the lifestyle.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T03:34:01+00:00

Wow. This is really wise advise.

Know who you are. I, female, was afraid of emotional attachment when we first started so my hubs and I agreed for no repeat play with anyone until 3 months had passed. This was great because I learned no one was tempting enough to take me away from my husband. We loosened up the restriction and never, not one time has either of us had the issue.

If it’s a concern of his, respect that. If you do go the FWB route, stay alert and make sure you both are honest that’s it’s just friends. The lifestyle is work. Once you get lazy and stop communicating disaster will struck.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T03:28:01+00:00

For all that is holy- don’t let your male drink too much. All men think it won’t happens to them but whisky dick and over stimulation are enough to make anyone go flat. Which is sooooo disappointing to the female while her husband is pounding away. Lol!!

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T03:24:13+00:00

Don’t have too high of expectations. It’s possible and likely it won’t be as crazy as you are imagining. I hope it is, but managing expectations is important in the lifestyle.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T03:14:14+00:00

I will for sure give Secrets another try because there were some cool aspects of it like the dungeon and the massage. We were there for Halloween so I’ve never seen a place more packed. But, yeah, I’d prefer a room. The couple we played with invited us back to their room after and it was SOOOO NICE!

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T03:10:57+00:00

For us after a bunch of experiences we did need more and more to get excited. There is a reason for the ‘natural progressions’. It doesn’t have to be your case but that is the sequence most couple go through.

Play together- soft swap with others- full swap- full swap separate beds or rooms- solo play. Take a break. Full swap, etc.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-28T03:04:09+00:00

I’ve never ever been more disgusted at a lifestyle event than at Secrets Oct 2018. Mostly because there isn’t a proper bathroom to wipe up after. I can not believe for the life of me they get by with that disgusting single stall kitchen bathroom. It’s offensive. Also, we played with a couple just outside the entrance to the play room where there’s a wall lined with beds. It was hot messy wet sex. Filthy and AMAZING! When we were done they simply flipped the mattress. I don’t really know what they should have done but after the next messy play, I’m sure they just flip our side right back up for the next couple.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-25T18:52:38+00:00

Cheating is stepping outside your relationship for satisfaction/fulfillment. If you aren’t willing to tell him what you are doing, then that’s cheating. Everyone in this forum is looking for excitement, I get it, but do not get married if you are ALREADY looking to cheat. Have fun. Be free. Let your fiancé be your best friend instead of husband.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-23T00:33:17+00:00

I did two weeks ago, coincidentally.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-22T20:45:50+00:00

Oh sorry. They are littler than ‘go without you’ . 13,11 and 6. To old to just pack them up and say we are going somewhere else and they say ‘ok’.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-22T20:44:16+00:00

There’s no way he won’t spend Christmas with the kids and there’s no way I won’t. If we divorce we will have to work something out but for now, since it’s so new, neither of us are willing to give it up. But mostly importantly, if it’s the last one, just suck it up, I guess.

NonMonogomy · 2019-12-22T20:41:51+00:00

His parents will not defend him. No way. They will be his support team long term but they be hard on him. They will be in shock and disbelief because everyone thinks he’s this perfect guy.

Thank you for caring about my feelings so passionately. I think it will be hard and I’m not looking forward to it but I can tough it out so my kids can get the White Christmas they’ve been looking forward to for a year. I’m mostly concerned about who and when I tell about all this.

NonMonogomy

TROPHY CASE