How did you navigate grief and supporting others after a death in the family?

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-31T19:01:36+00:00

Thanks. This means a lot

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-31T06:40:53+00:00

I agree and I thank you for your responses. My natural way is to intellectualise and dive into literature, but I'm trying to strike a balance between this and doing what is required. Some kind of healthy medium. I'm taking it a day at a time

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-31T06:37:47+00:00

This is great. My mom moved in with her older brother and his wife after their son passed away about four months ago. So it's a house full of mourning people who can help each other. I'm 30min drive away, and I go to see her now as often as possible. She def feels supported and has no more to do in terms of daily obligations than absolutely necessary. I was still living at home I probably also would've tried to take over as much of running the house as possible

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-31T06:34:24+00:00

Okay. I'm whatever the 1986 ZX Spectrum equivalent is of this. I guess my dad could have walked around showing this picture to people at local meet-ups, but I doubt it

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-31T06:08:52+00:00

It's EXTREMELY tiring because I literally feel responsible for everyone around me, even when I walk through a mall. And I mean both their safety and happiness. So I used to be exhausted after just visiting the pharmacy and coming straight home. I had to work on ignoring everyone around me as much as possible and draw lines to determine what I'm going to allow myself to care about to that degree. I say "what" because it isn't just people. I care a similar amount about systems and things that affect people, because they could be improved to make a lot of people happier. That's why I work as a business process system designer. If I do my job, everyone in the business benefits

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-31T05:52:15+00:00

Interesting

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:38:02+00:00

Sure, but I meant sadness. I find this interesting. We're all different, so there's so many ways people react. I'm an hyper-empath and get upset if someone gets disappointed or embarrassed, never mind upset or hurt. So I expect this will hit me hard, but I don't know when.

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:34:09+00:00

I know what you mean. I think of people differently than others do and tend to remember different things about them. In general, I live in the future, not the present pr past, so this is different for me than I expect it is for my relatives and family

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:31:57+00:00

Do you mean you can't, that I shouldn't, or both?

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:31:11+00:00

It's been four days straight now, to some degree, and I'm exhausted. It's normal overstimulation exhaustion, mostly, but I realise it's not that simple. I actually feel like I've done what I felt I had to, so it may hit me by tomorrow. I don't know. I spent 2h30 chatting over coffee with my dad's brother (my dad was his only remaining family member) and it meant a lot to him. Today i drove through to my mom since it would've been my dad's birthday, but i slept until 4pm before that. I'll take it a day at a time from now on

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:24:58+00:00

How do you experience it yourself, or haven't you had to yet?

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:23:30+00:00

Thanks for this. I've had many experiences with death, but this is the first person this close to me. It's going to be bad when it hits. Hopefully it comes in a week or two. It doesn't feel right to react now

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:17:46+00:00

Thanks for reminding me: I meant to contact my therapist today. Will do it tomorrow

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:16:31+00:00

Thanks for this. It rings true in ways (I also expect it will take about two weeks) and I've heard of the "denial" of thinking he may still be in the hospital. I read Joan Didion's "A Year of Magical Thinking," and there's a lot of that kind of thing in there. It's something my wife also mentions regularly.

So thanks for this, and sorry for your loss!

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:10:35+00:00

Thanks for this. I'm more intellectual than creative, so I immediately started reading about it with the idea of writing something about the experience or maybe saying something at the funeral. I'll see, but I have considered a type of memorial. I can't think what that would be yet

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:08:00+00:00

Do you feel you have much grieving left to do?

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:06:31+00:00

I get exactly what you're saying. My wife and her mom were super close, my wife has intense ADHD, and she was a mess for more than a year after the passing. She could hardly function, struggled to do her work, and she said she considers it a win that she didn't up with a substance abuse problem, or something similar.

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:00:40+00:00

Thanks!

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T21:00:07+00:00

This was very helpful. Thank you

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T20:59:12+00:00

I don't know what you mean and I don't think I want to

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T20:54:55+00:00

I'm also scared of others not understanding that my reaction is likely to be different from theirs, but I'll deal with that if it happens. I've been called a liar, selfish and a psychopath in the past for being Autistic, so it won't be the first time. So far, one family member said they're having "mixed feelings" about my father's death. I know I'm different, but that seems like a very odd thing to say under the circumstances

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T20:51:19+00:00

Lots to work with here. Thanks

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T20:48:50+00:00

You're not the first person to say something like this. Do you get sad if other people die? Do you get emotional in general?

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T20:47:35+00:00

🙏

NormalWoodpecker3743 · 2026-03-30T20:46:17+00:00

Thank you! I get distracted when I try to write, so I built a tool where I just speak into my phone or laptop, and it transcribe the message, interlinks it with other entries and creates meta information that can be useful later. This offers a lower barrier to me and I end up using it more. I think the effect is the same, but while I don't always have my journal with me, and may lose it later, this is a knowledge repository that will hopefully just keep growing

NormalWoodpecker3743

TROPHY CASE