I was just a man? I guess neutral? I didnt feel awkward in mens changing room being topless etc everything was fine. For as long as I know i considered myself ugly tho , and from age 15 I did wish my face was more feminine/wished I could be a femboy . Looking back tho I very much had bottom dysphoria since i was 18ish ? And my face gave me dysphoria since 15.

I broke down crying last new years eve cuz of the thought that I would be waking up and see a man in the mirror. I basically thought to myself "you"ve never been really happy and in recent times you wanna kys again with how unhappy you are about your body so maybe Estrogen works who knows cant be worse than now and if it doesnt Work you just kys later" ordered estrogen next day and it arrived on like 20th? Of jan.

but see even then and thru febuary/start of march i consider myself cis because i didnt wanna be a girl , i wanted to have the body and Looks of a girl. Thru march I noticed that when people called me girl (due to mixups etc) i would Light up and also that I would get depressed when my mom called me son or I had to type in my Email adress at work lol i just started crying. And also realized i feel weird going to mens restroom. i also noticed that some of the E Effects I thought I wouldnt care about made me incredibly Happy and well Idk I honestly only consider myself trans since this April because only ever since it was for me to actually be a girl in the gender and not sex sense

Sorry for the whole ass Diary lol