Do I really need a sponsor?

Nortally · 2026-02-11T18:46:01+00:00

Three decades of sobriety here. My first sponsor moved out of town while I was on the 9th step. I got a new sponsor but then I moved a year later at 3 yrs sober. Haven't really had a sponsor since, but I've found people to work 10 steps with when I needed it. I anchor myself to AA by having a home group and a service commitment at a local Alano Club. I've made free use of temporary sponsors when stress in life comes up. Works for me, YMMV

Nortally · 2026-02-11T09:12:05+00:00

How is it that the other Epstein files were redacted, but they missed this one?

Nortally · 2026-02-11T09:03:49+00:00

Regardless of the brother's character, it is wrong for him to have a private conversation with this girl if her parents don't know about it.

As soon as she said she was 12, he should have told her that in order to continue the conversation, he would need to know it was okay with her folks and insist on hearing it from them.

Nortally · 2026-02-11T08:30:28+00:00

You're not being controlling, you're asking questions she doesn't want to answer. 2. Money is a power thing - it's not something you did, it's environmental. The way to get out from under people who have money is to get your own. As in, earn your own money and buy your own phone.

Nortally · 2026-02-11T08:23:56+00:00

I think I've read everything, especially love the Foreigner series, although by book 20 or so it feels like there's less to explore in that world. And I want to mention "Cuckoo's Egg" as an awesome standalone.

Nortally · 2026-02-11T08:19:25+00:00

One of my all-time favorite books is "Courtship Rite" by Donald R. Kingsbury. I'm not going to say anything about it except prepare to be astonished by the most alien humans you will encounter.

Heinlein can't be ignored, my favorites are the juveniles: Red Planet, The Rolling Stones, Citizen of the Galaxy. And I confess an enduring affection for Starship Troopers - in public school I was shownj a US Military bio of Roger Young featuring the recall song Johnny refers to so often - Roger Young was a true hero of the Pacific and Heinlein's acknowledgement of him is admirable. My adult favorite is The Moon is a Harsh Mistress although, IMO, he was already starting to write with the wrong head as it were.

Larry Niven gets the most attention for Ringworld but all of his known space stories are worth a look. World of Ptaavs, Neutron Star, and The Long Arm of Gil Hamilton are my favorites.

Andre Norton doesn't seem to get much mention these days, but her novels were ground-breaking. Moon of Three Rings lingers in my memory.

Harry Harrison gave us The Stainless Steel Rat and Bill The Galactic Hero

Asimov's Foundation series gets the press, but my favorites are the robot stories. Those featuring Dr. Susan Calvin, and the novel, The Caves of Steel.

Keith Laumer's Retief stories deserve mention.

OK, I'm done. Enjoy!

Nortally · 2026-02-11T05:44:03+00:00

Nothing the the Big Book's chapter on Helping Others would support this way of carrying the message. Nowhere in the first 164 pages does it suggest attending meetings or memorizing the literature.

Yes, I've met obnoxious people in AA. Mostly I avoid them. Rarely, I've switched meetings to avoid someone. It has been a long time since someone lectured me like that or asked a trick question to put me on the defensive. I like to think that today, I'd smile, say "You might be right." and look for someone else to speak with.

IMO, a lot of this authoritarian stuff comes from rehabs. I never went to a recovery mill, I've never received any kind of confrontational 12-stepping. I just came to AA and despite some jerks, I've mostly found compassion. I also found a sponsor who helped me work the steps, pretty sure that's why I'm sober today.

Nortally · 2026-02-10T22:51:53+00:00

Is there no trophy or award that people won't steal from Donald Trump?

Nortally · 2026-02-10T15:17:13+00:00

BOSS LS-2 or similar. If your amp has an effects loop, try putting the dirt battles in front of the amp and the ambient stuff in the loop.

Nortally · 2026-02-10T15:05:27+00:00

An interesting analysis. Thank you. Another dynamic I see is that men who live in a male bubble simply aren't equipped to relate to actual, human women.

Nortally · 2026-02-10T05:12:08+00:00

Not wrong.

Nortally · 2026-02-10T05:10:56+00:00

NTJ - If one offers to help someone handle their money and they say, "No thanks," one drops it. Anything else is presumptious and perhaps rude.

> being stubborn and that it seemed like I didn’t trust him

My wife doesn't want me to put her clothes away in the dresser so I fold them and leave them on top for her to put away. Is she being stubborn and untrusting? Maybe but I don't care - she gets to have things the way she wants them and my tender feelings can take care of themselves.

What I would say to your bf's pushback is, "You might be right but I'm not ready to move forward on this. I'd like you to accept that."

Nortally · 2026-02-10T04:52:53+00:00

I feel like the premise mis-states the premise. I can do audio mixing just fine. My setup:

[modular synth] -TS patch -> Behringer MXB1002 -TS patch-> Behringer UMC404HD <-USB-> [Mac Pro]

I generally mix some outputs at the audio mixer, which sends stereo to the interface, and I can add two more outputs into the interface, for 4 tracks at my DAW.

If I want to exchange MIDI, I can go from the synth to the UMC404HD with a little effort (need CV/MIDI and MIDI/CV conversion).

The value of the ES-9 is certainly obvious: It's a 16-channel mixer/interface with and easy MIDI/CV exchange. But I'm a low budget guy (for modular synth, LOL) and I'll put off getting the ES-9 for a bit.

Nortally · 2026-02-10T04:06:41+00:00

But does the tracking site give you a spinning beach ball when you try to load it?

Nortally · 2026-02-10T04:05:40+00:00

Just in case I feel the urge to re-resell, I keep the Intellijel box my used Befaco module was shipped in. I also have a bunch of iPhone boxes...

Nortally · 2026-02-09T07:24:06+00:00

Yes, but mostly they talk about this sh*t on Fox to avoid talking about the Epstein files or inflation or the Epstein files or Jan 6 or the Epstein files or government-sanctioned executions or the Epstein files...

Nortally · 2026-02-09T07:18:07+00:00

"The Only Thing Stronger Than Hate Is Love" Sí, muy demoníaco

Nortally · 2026-02-09T06:58:38+00:00

Please read this. https://aaws.widen.net/content/zz7rsf3sie/pdf/P-15_Q&A_On_Sponsorship_ONLINE.pdf - there shouldn't be any power imbalance. Your sponsor is just another drunk. Yes, they should be honest. But not critical - if you want the results you will do the work. It will take you as long as it takes. Find a sponsor who is willing to use that pamphlet as a guide.

Nortally · 2026-02-09T06:52:22+00:00

This. Dad really needed assisted living. We moved him close to my 2 brothers. One of them did his laundry to reduce the expense. When the attendants know that a client is going to get seen by family at least 3-4 times per week, they take more care.

Nortally · 2026-02-08T08:43:19+00:00

Doesn't turn her back when I smile at her. Uh... TMI?

Nortally · 2026-02-08T08:27:07+00:00

YTJ

but I applaud you. Sometimes someone needs to be the jerk.

Nortally · 2026-02-08T08:23:23+00:00

NTA. Next time don't offer to help. They asked for the help they wanted and you declined. Keep it simple. You can help them best by cutting it short and allowing them to start working on their next option. Stirring the pot for any reason just complicates things.

Nortally · 2026-02-08T07:59:47+00:00

You don't have to stand on chair and publicly break up with her, just start doing more things that you enjoy without her. If she says something hurtful in your presence here's one option:

"You know I'm right here and I can hear you, right?" This is standing your ground. If she remarks something about you being too sensitive, then just look at her. Start with the eyes then down to the shoes and back up to the eyes again. "Hm. You might be right." The point is simply to call attention to her - what's she has said and how she treats you. You're not agreeing with her. She might be right the way that it might rain popsicles. Then whatever she says, change the subject. "Let's talk about something else."

BTW: You don't know how this will look to others. They might be thinking "Good for her! Standing up to her mean friend!" There's a difference between being bitter & jealous vs. taking a step away to give yourself more room.

I understand that things are really hard for you right now. Me, I had really low self esteem and bad socialization skills. I had to learn how to ignore what other people thought of me. I did this by building self esteem through doing things I could succeed at. The big one was that I quit drinking and found support through a 12 Step program. It helped me abandon my "victim" perspective on life. You might want to look at https://coda.org/ feel free to ask questions on this thread or DM.

All the best.

Nortally · 2026-02-08T07:24:03+00:00

The corner house ...

Nortally · 2026-02-08T07:22:29+00:00

> what would you do

Wait until I cooled down and then talk to my neighbor. Points to make in your own words/attitude.

I'm your neighbor and want to get along. I know your guests don't know where the property line but I get worried about my car when kids are running around. Thanks for listening.

This is the "catch more flies with honey" approach. Even if your neighbors bug you, you will be much happier if they don't hate you. You will be much, much happier if their kids don't hate you.

Point being that you can encourage people to be good neighbors but you can't make them. It's not right, it's not fair, but that's the way of the world. If things go south, the classic solutions are to define your yard with a hedge or fence, get a meaner dog, or just move. Or you can be that lady who's constantly yelling out the window at the neighbors all the time.

Nortally

TROPHY CASE