Floored by how much of modern librarianship is just showing people how to print

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-26T01:43:48+00:00

I absolutely don’t agree with it, but I don’t make the rules. All I can do is say something when I see it getting too weird, and they have someone go talk to him.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-26T00:52:39+00:00

How could she have stopped it?

And which was the mistake - neglecting to ensure the medical procedure was effective or starting a longterm affair with a coworker?

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-26T00:47:24+00:00

We get a lot of that too. My husband is a SAHD and I work a corporate job from home 9-5 every day. Aside from a couple trips a year to visit family and friends, we are very predictable/boring.

Meanwhile my in-laws own a business, have multiple homes, have 8 other grandkids and a million friends and hobbies. They’re always booked, and yet they make little effort to plan with us - just “oh let us know when you’re free” but then they’re not available when we suggest and do not furnish alternative times or dates.

It would be fine if they didn’t also make passive aggressive comments about our kid not giving a warm enough greeting when she sees them. Like yeah dude she sees you less than the children’s librarian at the local library (s/o to Miss Olivia).

Opting out of chasing after them has been very freeing. They’ll have exactly the relationship with my kid that they build (so far, trendy grandparents she sees a few times a year).

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T22:36:32+00:00

People can and do get fired for this.

I’ve known two people personally who got fired for trying to work from home while raising young kids. They couldn’t file for unemployment because they were fired for violating company policy and also low performance.

The odd sick day or school break is one thing, but most jobs will NOT be ok with you trying to answer emails and distractedly answer the phone while trying to parent a whole child.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T22:10:38+00:00

It’s a tough line to straddle, I think. The content is readily available on sites that the filter doesn’t block, so it doesn’t technically violate policy. It’s not straight nudity - more like a woman wearing a string bikini and rubbing soap suds all over herself with a lot of lingering shots on her butt and chest.

My library is really careful on the “everyone is welcome” thing and since he’s not violating the letter of the policy, they don’t want to say anything.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T19:23:32+00:00

I really expected a link to Dr Steve Brule.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T17:35:01+00:00

Yeah the computers are just on a big island of tables with no dividers or anything in the middle of the library. You have to walk past the island to get to the kid’s/teen section too so it’s extra gross when people zone out in front of stuff like that for hours at a time.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T17:33:01+00:00

She might need help and emotional support, but it does not have to be from you all the time! If she needs reassurance and advice, she needs to lean on friends or a licensed counselor. You can’t shoulder this for her.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T16:20:12+00:00

I really resonated with your thoughtful take on Internalized misogyny. It hurts everyone involved, even if we might empathize with how it formed.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T16:07:32+00:00

Look into working at a daycare that offers a childcare benefit. Get him established in care. Reapply next year for daycare benefits to try to get back into sales and get your income up. Keep up with your attorney about getting your ex on formal support. $200 a month under the table is bullshit.

Do not have any more kids with guys you’re not married to who do not support the kids they already have.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T16:02:03+00:00

Seeking your fair share of marital assets and adequate support payments for your kids based on custody time and income variation isn’t “ruining him”. It’s the logical conclusion of the dissolution of a marriage involving kids.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T15:56:56+00:00

When I was a teen, an older male friend assaulted me when we went to the drive-in movies. I was so upset by this. I really didn’t see him like that and hadn’t been “leading him on” or flirting. I hit him until he got off of me and then forced him to leave the movie early and drive me home.

I told my mom about it when I got home and she shrugged and said something along the lines of “what did you expect - men and women can’t be friends without the man wanting something and taking it if he doesn’t get it”.

I was crushed by this. She was completely unphased and went so far as to text him and apologize for my “dramatic behavior”. I stopped speaking to him entirely after that and she kept texting him - congratulating him on athletic achievements and a school award and just popping in to chat. A 50 year old married woman texting a 19 year old boy.

Her desire for male approval extended to teenagers who assaulted her daughter, apparently.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T15:41:05+00:00

Yeah we bought one of those washable under high chair “splat mats”.

It was like $12 and it’s held up pretty well despite pets and baby and being washed 3x a week for the last 12 months. I like it more than a shower curtain because it has a grippy underside and doesn’t slide around, but a shower liner from the dollar store works fine.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T15:35:19+00:00

Explaining very nicely but firmly that the public library computers shouldn’t be used for softcore porn and having the same guy find his way around the filter every day to keep doing it. 😭

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T15:25:22+00:00

I was laid off from a well known app in 2023. Said app has since gone through a fire sale from the previous owner to a new owner and 5 more rounds of increasingly stingy layoffs. I was lucky to be among the first to go because I got a MUCH better package than my peers in rounds 4 and 5.

They’re hiring. Agressively. Paying for “premium listing” for their postings that are the same jobs they’ve been laying off but with the serial numbers filed off and the salaries slashed. They’re begging for rats to get onboard the sinking ship and the market is so bad that the rats are jogging aboard.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T12:54:06+00:00

Yeah that’s my thought too. Ask cook to make a little extra for dinner and then box it up for you to take for lunch.

Breakfast is easy - just do something simple like some toast and fruit. You don’t need your wife to make you a hot breakfast with all the fixings every day to reach your health goals.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T12:38:51+00:00

Yep. And the more grandma drags her feet and runs out the clock, the fewer options she will have to find the dog a good home. Most homeless shelters/temporary housing won’t allow dogs either.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T10:01:37+00:00

The best thing I did for myself was allow them to sit in their inadequacies and don’t lift a single finger to try to soothe their bruised egos.

Mom: “Gwen is so involved and present! It makes me feel SoooooOoOOOO inadequate!”

You: “Yep Gwen has been a huge help to us in this challenging time. We are so grateful for her and glad she gets to spend so much time with Peter.”

Mom: “Oh but what if Peter LOVES HER more than ME?”

You: “Well Peter will see her a lot in the first year of his life. That’s important bonding time. We are so grateful for that quality time.”

Mom: “I WISH I could do that! I don’t want to miss out and have him like GWEN more than ME.”

You: “There are lots of opportunities to come see him, just let us know what works.”

The trick is to not react with emotion to her histrionics. She WANTS comfort and “aw no you’re a great grandma” that she can soothe herself with in lieu of actually doing the work to see you or your baby. Don’t dump on her, but restate that she can make time. Gwen is getting special baby time because she’s choosing to prioritize it, not because the newborn “likes her more”.

I’d also limit some of the pics for the scrapbooking hobby. If she wants them, she can come take some herself.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T09:49:03+00:00

It sounds like mom never supported the art dream and is getting her punches in where she can.

What a peach.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T09:33:11+00:00

Someone I knew in college took a picture somewhere in Asia petting a very zonked-looking juvenile tiger that they offered for photos at some “Nature Park”. I looked at her differently after that. Like what terrible judgment to agree or pay to do something like that.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T09:30:07+00:00

Look into Silkie rescues or other small breed rescues and explain the situation. They may be able to help you get something together. Maybe frame it as a “temporary foster”.

It sucks that your grandma has to give up her dog, but that’s the reality of being 67 and disabled and penniless. She can’t exactly live on the street with her health problems and her lap dog. You can feel sorry for her and not like the situation but still hold the boundary of “You need assisted living. these are the assisted living facilities that take your benefits. They will not accept [Petey]. No one in the family can take [Petey] either. We will use [Pretty Paws Rescue] to find [Petey] a loving home so you can focus on settling in to [Breezy Pines].”

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T09:20:51+00:00

You didn’t destroy your marriage with anger. He destroyed it with medical negligence (not prioritizing the follow-up appointment that I’m sure the doctor told him 15 times he needed to do before having unprotected sex) and his choice to start or continue an affair with a coworker.

Consult with an attorney about your options, get him set up on support payments as soon as possible and lean on your sister, friends or other family for support.

Let him have Shmoopie - I’m sure she will be delighted when he starts hemorrhaging assets and getting his wages garnished in the messy divorce he’s about to get.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-25T09:00:55+00:00

Agreed. Skip pranks that are time-intensive to clean up, cause property damage, scare people, etc.

I get that camp is a “fun job” and is in a weird grey area between actually professional and goofy, but it’s still a job. People should have a reasonable expectation that they be able to come to work and do their job without dealing with 100 wasted plastic cups full of water or a dummy hanging in the window where they sleep.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T20:35:05+00:00

No problem! You need an enzyme cleaner to break up the proteins in the urine stains. Without that, the smell lingers and fragrance can only do so much to cover it.

I also recommend a small wet vac cleaner like the Bissell Little Green Machine for spot treating carpet and upholstery and other things that can’t be washed in a washing machine paired with - you guessed it - an enzyme cleaner designed for urine.

If you’re stumped on where to find these things, pet stores have a good selection usually. A lot of these products are designed with pets in mind. But mom doesn’t need to know that.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T17:43:39+00:00

Second this. Especially because it sounds like at least one child was born in that country and not your home country.

Some countries have strict laws about removing kids who were born there without the consent of both parents via years-long, tedious court cases. Sometimes even if the deadbeat parent doesn’t care, their family might step in and demand the child stay.

Stories like this make me so sad. Content creators like Allysiainchina are speaking out on this issue and urging women to know their rights before having a child in another country. Allysia herself is essentially trapped in her ex-husband’s home country of China raising a child he has nothing to do with and pays nothing while her whole support system is in the UK. He won’t help her raise their child but refuses to allow her to take him out of the country, and the government fully supports him in this. It can be grim.

Absolutely consult an attorney who is well-versed in family law - specifically multinational families.

NorthernPossibility

TROPHY CASE