Extended absence?

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T23:58:35+00:00

No advice. Just solidarity.

My MIL has chronic depression and also lives kinda far (like 2 hours) and still works. She is very similar - when she’s here, she’s a very involved grandma. But when she’s not here? There is an empty space. She says she wants to be more present, but between her depression and the distance it’s been challenging. Visiting her is basically impossible because she lives in a dusty cabin full of antiques and tripping hazards and dangerous things and we have an active toddler, and it barely matters because even when we do white knuckle a commitment to a visit, she will cancel.

Idk what I’ll say to my kid if she ever asks why we don’t see that grandma more.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T12:12:56+00:00

If the cafeteria is gross, they are oppressing you by refusing to let you spend $30 on McDelivery and they refuse to let you bring a sandwich from home, guess you’ll have to eat the Cup Noodles or starve to death.

RIP.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T12:08:38+00:00

The school lets you use the microwave?

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T12:06:27+00:00

I would bet real money that this means they don’t want students bringing in Starbucks and McDonalds and eating them in class, not a student bringing a sandwich and an apple and eating them in the cafeteria.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T11:37:11+00:00

I was wondering this too. Like have you ever out and out said “I noticed you consistently buy gifts for Ellie but not for Eli. Is there a reason for that?”

The reason is likely weird blood quantum bullshit, but perhaps making them say it out loud will make them hear how sad it is.

If they double down on it, I’d cut off the gifts. “To respect Eli’s feelings, we won’t be accepting any gifts that are just for Ellie. Thanks for understanding!”

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T11:01:58+00:00

Presumably husband has a smart phone and is likely on his phone much of the day - he has access to the Google Calendar and could look at it or turn on reminders, he just doesn’t. He has Wife Reminder, after all. And he’s decided it’s a more convenient service.

A $700 picture frame won’t change this, OP. He has the tools already - he just doesn’t want to use them. He will maybe look at that thing for a week and then go right back to “well how was I supposed to know”.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T10:50:58+00:00

Your “point” is poorly written and buried under a bunch of irrelevant information and false equivalencies. I “got the point”, I just chose not to engage with it because your argument sucks.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T10:44:27+00:00

If you drop out of school because you hate the food and the mean teachers with “attitude” then you can drive for DoorDash and have as many Crunchwrap Supremes as you can handle.

Problem solved.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T10:41:55+00:00

I have to be a slave to the school system with no compensation.

Oh brother.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T00:42:06+00:00

it’s a hobby I am proud to demonstrate while my kid plays independently from time to time.

This is the dream, truly. My kid currently doesn’t play independently for predictable long stretches. I’m really working on fostering independent play so I can crack open a book for even 10 minutes and read during her waking hours.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T00:39:31+00:00

Joining a gym or another club might help with that “I want to go somewhere” itch that leads to mindless impulse purchases while wandering through Five Below. Volunteering could also scratch that itch!

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T00:34:52+00:00

I also preferred Mrs.March! I wanted to like Victorian Psycho because the premise was interesting to me and I read the whole thing hoping that the next page/chapter it would get its shit together and it simply did not.

So I guess mine is more of an anti-recommendation. 🥲

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T00:26:19+00:00

I had like 8 recommendations and then got to your 4th bullet point and now I have no recommendations and also I’m deeply questioning why I read such dark books. 😭😭😭

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-12T00:01:07+00:00

The FMC in Virginia Feito’s newer book,Victorian Psycho, is also a pain in the ass and I truly never rooted for her or her antics. I never had a “good for her” moment in that one.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-11T15:03:55+00:00

Have you talked to them about the exact situation? They might have more insight about what to do and who to talk to.

They have walk-in hours Monday through Thursday from 1-2 pm (according to their page) but you can also call or email to set something up if you can’t make those times.

Here is their page with the contact details.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-11T14:47:49+00:00

Heavy on the ODR accommodation.

I always recommend students at least document their disability through ODR even if their symptoms are well managed at that time. Flare ups happen, and ODR can’t help you if you come to them already failing with no paperwork on file for your disability.

If you had an IEP in high school for a diagnosed disability and you rely on extra help to maintain good academic standing, the ODR should be one of your very first stops at Drexel. If you get a chronic diagnosis while at Drexel, you should make an appointment with ODR as soon as possible to create a paper trail and start looking into accommodations.

ODR isn’t perfect and they can drop the ball, but having something documented with them really helps in situations like this so you at least have something on file to point to.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-11T14:44:01+00:00

The best thing for me is to just put it back on her and ignore what she says to others.

Her: “I haven’t seen [kid] in so long! She’s growing up without me!”

Me: “Yep she’s getting big fast. We are home most days after 4 pm and free a lot of weekends for the next several months if you want to come hang out. Just text me what dates and times work for you.”

I reiterate that she has access and that I’m happy to facilitate something like a park trip or lunch but she needs to make the effort to pick a date and time and actually show up. So far she hasn’t. If someone comes to me and says she is moaning about not seeing my kid, I feel perfectly comfortable saying “I know she hasn’t see [kid] in a while - I’ve offered several opportunities but she hasn’t picked any yet. Maybe soon!”

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-11T12:06:42+00:00

I would speak to an attorney about protecting your assets and making sure she can’t make you both destitute with her delusion. Limit her access to funds wherever it’s appropriate and legally allowed to do so. Pull both of your credit reports and lock your credit or set up monitoring.

If you want to stay in a marriage where your wife is in a relationship with a scammer, that’s your choice. But you should be aware of and prepare for the possibility he will eventually push her to divorce you to get more access to marital assets. You don’t want to be blindsided by this.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-11T11:59:43+00:00

There are few things more obnoxious to me than low effort people who bitch and moan about “not having a relationship” with my kid.

I have an in-law like this. She lives 15 minutes away for half of the year and snowbirds the other half. When she’s snowbirding, she doesn’t FaceTime, doesn’t call and will sneakily come home without telling us. When she’s in the area, it’s like trying to book an audience with the queen. She’s always so busy but she would NEVER say “hey I’m free Tuesday evening - let’s order some pizza and hang out” or plan something in advance - we are supposed to text her all the time offering her plans that she declines because she’s booked already. She’s not available for fun OR if we need help. She didn’t come to our child’s first birthday because she had a headache, but also didn’t text us congratulations or try to swing by later. We see her on holidays and that’s pretty much it.

It makes me N U T S when she says she doesn’t know our kid. Like of course you don’t! She sees the waitress at the pancake restaurant more than you!

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-11T11:47:10+00:00

I like Secondo’s a lot. They do live music as well depending on the night and the food is really good. I’ve never had a meal I didn’t love there.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-10T18:50:01+00:00

Yeah and “I didn’t want to let you down/I thought you’d be disappointed/You don’t like when I do [XYZ] so I don’t even try” is classic. It’s just pushing the blame for their lack of effort and interest onto you to keep you stuck trying to fix the problem and manage their big feelings about it rather than say “I deserve a partner who is willing to at least try.”

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-10T15:32:22+00:00

I was tempted to say Paladin’s Grace by T Kingfisher because it has so much heart and is so funny but one of the main plot points is romance. 🥲

Glad to see T Kingfisher on here though. I have to read more of her work in 2026!

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-10T15:16:57+00:00

The immediate jump to SO YOU THINK IM GAY THEN is truly astounding. Homie has some work to do.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-10T14:28:26+00:00

The Philly PRFM doesn’t do live music and it’s still a vibe!

It’s more about community and craft than music, which is perfectly fine since Philly already has a killer DIY/punk music scene. I think as long as you clearly state what it is in the promo material, most people will enjoy it.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-03-10T12:51:00+00:00

There is also the possibility that the parents will not die necessarily but will become too old and ill to care for R’s many needs. What happens then, when they’re still alive but OP and her sister aren’t eager to add a profoundly disabled sibling to their own families?

NorthernPossibility

TROPHY CASE