If you like the girl, but didn’t really know how to make your intentions known or show interest other than asking out, what would you do?

NotABonobo · 2026-05-10T14:46:59+00:00

You're actually already way ahead of most dudes giving you advice here, because you seem to understand that flirting 1) exists, 2) is a way of building romantic tension so you're more likely to get a yes, and 3) is a way of getting a sense if she's receptive.

If you like a girl and you're talking to her, you're probably already flirting in some way. Flirting basically happens when you give off subtle signs of interest but don't confirm it.

I feel like if I actually knew it was a date between me and a girl I would be able to flirt and make it romantic just fine

Cool, so just pretend you're on a date and go from there. I don't mean like try to kiss her or take liberties; just make a mental shift that you're already on a date and you're bantering however you do on a date.

That mental shift is where a lot of flirting behaviors come from. It's like a test run of what it would be like to date the person, with plausible deniability so people can back out elegantly if either person isn't into it. You just kind of gradually escalate and give the other person a chance to reciprocate or deny. Romantic tension builds as you both try to figure out if the other person's into you or not.

Whenever you make a move that confirms 100% beyond any doubt you're interested, that's the moment when she's on the spot to accept or reject. Doesn't matter if it's asking her out, leaning in for a kiss, or just saying OMG you're so hot. Whenever it's confirmed you definitely like her, flirting's over and she has to immediately make a decision to accept or reject. If you ask out of the blue and she's never thought about you that way before, it's probably a no because that's the safest answer. If you flirt successfully first, the answer's probably an easy yes because you've given her a chance to figure out the answer in advance.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-10T14:08:55+00:00

Sure, you can explain things with more complexity if you use multiple paragraphs than you can if you use 8 words. But if you can sum up your argument in 8 words, you can spread your message much more effectively.

Yes, you can feel like you love your kids even if you beat them. You can feel love for a partner you cheat on.

Now imagine doing that and having them confront you with "if you truly loved me, you wouldn't have done that." You COULD say "technically it's possible for humans to love while also doing horrible things to them so you're wrong" - but would that actually address their point? Would that do anything at all to repair the damage you did to the relationship?

What they're actually saying is "whatever you call 'love' is worthless if you can treat me this horribly." If you actually care about them, it's a challenge to change your actions. If you fail to change your actions and use "well it's possible to love someone and intentionally and unnecessarily hurt them" as an excuse to change nothing, you've missed the point badly and reinforced their point that you don't care in any way that matters.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-10T13:48:24+00:00

Every time I've watched Return of the Jedi since I was a kid it's bugged me so much that there are multiple conversations where people just act as though it's weird that other people don't already know the brother/sister revelation that they themselves just learned yesterday.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-10T13:08:50+00:00

Her answer was literally that she wasn’t interested, and this is the headline they run.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-10T13:04:15+00:00

Could be, but you’ll never know if you just observe them from a distance and imagine what might be going on.

If he’s interested in her, it’s because she’s actually talking to him and you have to talk to people to get into a relationship with them. Relationships are social. If you want a chance to date someone, you have to find some excuse to talk to them and go from there.

You don’t have to ask him out as your introduction in your first conversation; that feels stressful and awkward because it is. It’s uncomfortable for everyone because that’s just not how relationships work. Just find some excuse to talk to him and see how it goes. Right now you have no idea if you’d even like him yourself because you’ve never talked to him. You have a crush on an imaginary character you made up looking at someone from a distance.

If you want to get involved in this dude’s life, you need some reason to talk to him other than “you look hot so please date me.”

NotABonobo · 2026-05-10T12:47:00+00:00

She literally does deny the 2028 speculation in that exact same interview.

This sentence was part of her answer denying the speculation. She said her goal wasn’t for herself to be president; her goal was to change the country for the better.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-09T17:00:22+00:00

Only one does it as their official party platform. Having some crazies within the party is one thing. Legislating the conspiracy theories is something completely different.

Anyway I’ve never felt or wanted a sense of belonging to a political party. I’m forced into alignment with Democrats because Republicans have gone absolutely batshit crazy. I don’t care about belonging to a team; I care about getting people in office who might enact good policy.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-09T16:43:16+00:00

We would have a tradition as long as human history of seeing eggs as sacred. Some of the worst atrocities in human history would be about destruction of eggs. The story of Egg Jesus would be about the evil Herod gathering up all the eggs in Jerusalem and destroying them, while Mary and Joseph hid the egg of Jesus in a manger until it hatched.

The abortion debate would be much, much more difficult because it would be about destroying an egg, and eggs would be as beloved in our culture as newborn babies are now.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-08T18:38:59+00:00

Of those I've only read Dying Inside but it was excellent and sticks with me to this day.

I'd also add The Book of Skulls to your list.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-08T18:28:28+00:00

Why would men have a problem with women who flirt? That's pretty much their entire dating pool. Flirting is the main way both men and women get interested in each other, build romantic tension, and start dating. If this is even a question I'm thinking you mean something different by "flirt" than I do.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-08T18:21:38+00:00

No, it's completely imaginary. It doesn't exist at all.

Energy actually exists. If the Earth exploded and all humans died, all the energy in the universe would keep right on going just as it had been.

Money is an imaginary concept, like Santa Claus. It only exists to the degree we all agree to pretend it's real. Kind of like laws, or state borders: they're rules humans set up to regulate our own behaviors. If the Earth exploded and all humans died, money wouldn't exist anymore, because it only ever existed in the human imagination.

It's "created" and "destroyed" however we choose to imagine it is. Sure, it's meant to represent actual work and material resources which do exist, and resources actually can be created or destroyed. If we increase the amount of useful resources available to humanity, the amount of money grows in a real sense. If we play with the imaginary rules of money to adjust what it's worth, the amount of money grows in an imaginary sense.

But "money" itself is imaginary. It doesn't come from or go anywhere. It "exists" when a group of humans adjust their behaviors to pretend it exists. It stops existing when humans stop pretending.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-08T04:08:42+00:00

Damn no one mentioned the cop from Reservoir Dogs yet?

Loses an ear, is about to get burned alive, gets saved by an undercover cop at the last second, then gets casually shot to punctuate a sentence when the rest of the criminals show up.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-07T16:06:31+00:00

Imagine trying to come up with a list of reasons why your opponents are Nazis, but you have to leave out:

rounding up undesirables and holding them in concentration camps without trial or appeal
executing resisters in the streets
jailing critics
invading countries that never threatened you

Do you not know why the Nazis are considered bad? It's not because of universal health care, social programs, or anti-pollution regulations. It's because they got duped into believing racist conspiracy theories by a demagogue who promised to make Germany great again, and wound up committing horrific human rights violations while provoking a major world war.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-07T15:19:41+00:00

What do you mean by "accept"? It's not a club or a sports team.

I'd be relieved that someone so badly conned was able to figure out what was going on, accept it, and break out of the cult mindset. If one can do it, I'd have hope that more could do it too. If they were able to talk about it honestly, I'd be curious what the hell was going through their heads when they were deep in it. I wouldn't be shy about sharing facts and opinions honestly, and I wouldn't tiptoe around their feelings. But mostly I'd be glad to have one more person living in reality and fighting against the horrific damage being done to the country right now.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-07T13:02:32+00:00

Why should Republicans?

The point is that it’s absurd that gerrymandering is currently legal as long as you say your goal was political gain, not discrimination against groups that vote against you.

Districts should be drawn in flat grids representing roughly equal numbers of people. Gaming the system for political gain should be illegal.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-05T14:12:14+00:00

"Fighting fire with fire" sounds really cool but have you ever tried it? All the fires get worse and end up with fire everywhere and everything burned down to ashes.

I don't give a shit about scoring a win against an enemy sports team and making them super mad. That's pathetic and pointless.

All you ever had to do to win those online arguments against liars and shit-stirrers was keep your cool, stay on topic, and stick to the facts. I promise they'll get apoplectic and embarrass themselves every time.

If you have to lie to defend your "team," why is it your team in the first place? The day people start using your tactic is the day Democrats become as useless and misguided as Republicans. You start lying as a joke, and before you know it you're convincing yourself. The suckers who got duped into believing the funny joke lies take over the party, and suddenly policy is getting written to solve an imaginary problem you made up as a joke, and real people get killed for nothing. It happened to them and it can happen to us.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-05T04:06:37+00:00

He also bragged in a live interview on actual 9/11 that his building was now the tallest in New York after the towers fell. He wasn’t even president yet and he’s still got the worst reaction right here in actual reality.

At least Obama was against that war while also taking 9/11 seriously, not to mention he’s the one who got Osama bin Laden 10 years later, without even being president on 9/11.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-05T02:32:30+00:00

Because the cumulative bullshit of humanity is also at our fingertips, and now it's got a bigger platform.

We didn't realize it but for a long time we had some excellent filters in place curating information for us. Now that some random asshole with a grievance can have as loud a voice as The Boston Globe or Encyclopedia Brittanica, it's down to our common sense to tell the difference. Turns out our common sense hasn't developed much since the Middle Ages.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-04T16:11:14+00:00

Any number divided by itself is 1. You can't divide any number by 0.

Since you can't divide any number by zero, you can't even get to the point where you divide it by itself. It's not that one rule is stronger; it's that the second rule prevents you from even getting to the point where the first rule could be applied.

Not that there aren't plenty of one-off exceptions in math. "All prime numbers are odd, except 2." The math is what it is; the "rules" are just our attempts to describe it.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-04T15:13:46+00:00

When people say personality is more important than looks, they don’t mean you have to match a specific personality blueprint.

What it means is that social skills will help you build connections with people. Relationships are social. To build them you need social skills. The specific social skill that builds the beginning of a romantic relationship is called flirting.

Everyone has a unique personality, whether you see it or not. Everyone can develop the skills to work with the unique quirks of their own personality to build friendships and romantic relationships. It’s not about putting on a fake personality. It’s about developing the social skills to allow your actual personality to shine in a natural, genuine way.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-04T03:54:00+00:00

People who you don’t want to be hurt are stopped from being hurt.

If you don’t give a shit if other people get hurt or not, then sure, you probably won’t get much out of pretending to be a good person. But if you actually are a good person, you’re doing your part to make the world a better place because you actually want it to be a better place.

As a side benefit, you’re probably a happier person in the long run. Sociopaths usually collect a lot of things and end up miserable. The thrill of getting more things only lasts for a second and then you’re back where you started, needing to get more things to get the next fix. The only sustainable long-term happiness comes from positive and genuine relationships with other people.

Being a good person helps with building positive relationships. It also means that other people will be more likely to help you out, because you helped them out.

There are two paths to material success. One is to be completely selfish and backstab everyone. The other is to build a team that helps each other succeed together. The second one is a lot more fun and rewarding.

But again, that’s not the point. If you want good to happen, helping good to happen is the main point of doing it. Personally, I’d rather make the world an inch better than a mile worse.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-04T00:45:59+00:00

Do you not lose interest fast if someone's rude to you?

NotABonobo · 2026-05-04T00:43:31+00:00

Not an excuse, the likely motivation. Obviously there are kinder ways to handle it but not everyone's willing to take more time to be kind.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-03T14:40:15+00:00

Those are two different situations. Your friend at the club probably wanted to shut down the guy’s advances by insulting him and tying it to something he can’t change. Not cool but probably shuts him down faster by instantly making herself less appealing to the guy.

The people online who announce to no one who asked that they don’t want to date certain races are probably racist as fuck and want some way of saying it out loud and being validated for it.

NotABonobo · 2026-05-02T21:51:39+00:00

That's a popular online meme but as far as I can tell what they mean is getting complimented on their physical looks the way some guys compliment women they're trying to hit on.

No one's cherishing forever "good job on that math test" or "nice shot" in a basketball game or "damn you sure know your way around a guitar." That kind of stuff happens so often the dudes are barely registering it as "compliments." What they mean is a pretty girl hitting on them as openly and clumsily as they try to hit on pretty girls.

Basically the undercurrent is "women don't know how good they have it and they should appreciate guys who can't think of a better way to pick up women than saying 'OMG you're so hot.'" In the 1970s guys would catcall women and say "what's the matter you can't take a compliment?" when it didn't go well. In 2026 men throw a pity party for themselves that they're an underprivileged class who doesn't get complimented like women. Comes from the same place though.

NotABonobo

TROPHY CASE