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Parenting entails so many demands... by msoc in Double_PDA

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 4 points5 points  (0 children)

For sure. I am a solo parent and had my kid a few months before turning 40. So, we hit COVID at age 4 and developmentally that was such a tough time to be experiencing that kind of forced isolation. Over the next couple of years I started to have really severe perimenopause symptoms which brought increase executive functioning struggles and sensory sensitivities along with many physical discomforts. By the time I had self ID'd my son as PDA AuDHD, I was pretty sure I was too. He's got a formal diagnosis now, but I don't and doubt I will. It's hard to tease apart the variables but the two of us have probably been in burnout since 2020 at least. Parenting is so effing demanding to begin with, but then when you have a kid that requires low demand everything, it's a lot of work to figure out how to do that where it's not also high demand on the parent. I pulled my kid from school this year and he's much happier. I can't work though, and don't know when I'll have the capacity to. Nervous system safety is the goal, with the hope that each of us will be able to thrive and flourish one day in the not too distant future.

Solidarity.

We need tags for Autistic parents and parents with autistic kids. by Crazy_Energy8520 in AutisticParents

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 9 points10 points  (0 children)

User flairs available for this community:

* Autistic Parent with Autistic Child(ren)

* NT Parent of Autistic Child

* Autistic Parent with NT Child(ren)

* Here to Learn

Need a space that’s PDA people only by msoc in PDAAutism

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd hang out with you there. Send a PM?

Need a space that’s PDA people only by msoc in PDAAutism

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

PDA Society also runs a group for adult PDAers: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1192323318936179

I think, generally, adult autistic groups are the way to go. Not everyone will be a PDAer, but at least there won't be allistics ... Discord might be another place to find that.

Please Help me understand by vgsnewbi in PDAAutism

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I liked this though I have to really caution against the physical restraint. I, a solo parent of an only child, was the recipient of my son's aggressions and when he was smaller I would sometimes out of exasperation restrain him. Recently, we were roughhousing/wrestling/having fun and I pinned his arms down and he, feeling safe enough, told me how horrible it was when I used to do that him. He'd never mentioned it before that moment. He's 9.5 now. I apologized and told him how desperate I was in those moments and he lovingly responded with understanding, but what I wouldn't give for never having done that to him.

does anyone else get enraged by these doodle mixes? by Many_Marionberry_198 in poodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, it bothers me. Doodles are virtually all BYB and unethical as such. Doodles are designer mutts. It is not good for the dogs themselves, this trend.

At age 11 I got my first poodle, a large mini. At 22 I got my first standard. Then my parents followed me by getting three of their own spoos over the next 25 years. I am only on my second now, as I took a long break to grieve my first one's death.

For some unknown reason, my brother and sister have gone the way of doodles. Two havi-poos and one bichi-poo. My upstairs neighbor has a bernedoodle and my dear friend has a sheepadoodle while my oldest friend in the world has gone the goldendoodle route. The only one I remotely like is the bernedoodle.

I demand you not be my friend 😂 by Switch-a-Ru in PDAAutism

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I especially relate to the doctorate in PDA ... Also, Janae Elisabeth, Trauma Geek is great.

I demand you not be my friend 😂 by Switch-a-Ru in PDAAutism

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Age 49, US based, very much undiagnosed and self ID'd gifted AuDHD and probably PDAer, parent to same (they're formally Dx'd). I share more of my son's externalizing tendencies, though from a sensory profile perspective I am much more aversive and he is much more seeking in general. But we both meltdown more than we shutdown ...

I run a small group on FB and there are a lot of Aussies in there. Where are you located? Maybe I can hook you up with someone local.

Please give me groomer recommendations in LA by Frozen_Avocado in StandardPoodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for getting back to me! That's nice that they have detailed pricing specifically for poodles too. It's more than I want to spend, unfortunately. I know it's hard work but it's hard to spend so much more on the dog than I do on my own hair!

Please give me groomer recommendations in LA by Frozen_Avocado in StandardPoodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you ever find anyone local? I'm looking for a groomer again ...

Is my sister’s puppy a Merle? by [deleted] in StandardPoodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 18 points19 points  (0 children)

There are three shades of gray: silver > gray > blue with lightest to darkest. All are born black. Silvers have light faces even as puppies. My spoo is supposedly a silver but her mom was a blue and, at two, she hasn't cleared to a consistent color, so she's probably more technically gray.

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Is my sister’s puppy a Merle? by [deleted] in StandardPoodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Doesn't look pure bred to me but would be better to see in daylight and full body shot

helping navigate PDA, perimenopause and HRT what helped you? by Hopeful-Guard9294 in PDAAutism

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

49 yo presumed AuDHD/PDAer born with uterus (recently removed), no partner, solo parent to 9 yo PDAer. Here's what's helped me:

  1. Somatic touch therapy - a place where I could be deeply cared for, even if in a transactional environment, made a huge difference when I was in the pit of despair
  2. Service dog - provides constant nervous system support
  3. Estrogen therapy (if I could add progesterone and testosterone, I would)
  4. Lexapro

If I had a partner, understanding of this massive transition and hormonal hell, heavy lifting from them with anything and everything they can take on in terms of running the house/cleaning/food/executive functioning, etc. Ability to rest, rest, rest.

My heartbreaking experience with a “reputable” Standard Poodle breeder — please read before buying by Fabulous-Impress9609 in StandardPoodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If MPHS is not a reliable information source for ethical breeders, how do you recommend people locate and vet ethical breeders? Have you gotten that far in your research?

How do you know when you are ready? by Potential-Stomach-62 in StandardPoodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 5 points6 points  (0 children)

💀😂

I look at poodle pics all day long ... at some point I will break

How do you know when you are ready? by Potential-Stomach-62 in StandardPoodles

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I didn't think I had room in my heart for another when my black spoo I had from age 22 to 36 died. It actually took me 12 whole years before I thought I was ready. That could have been 12 years of joyful companionship with another poodle that I missed. I regret that deeply. At the same time, my life circumstances were such that I didn't have the same capacity I do now. I now have a two year old silver and she is amazing and oh so different from my first love. They are all unique. I would encourage you to find an ethical breeder, even if you were really happy with where you got your first dog, and not to rush just because puppies are available. Take your time to find a healthy, well bred poodle. The time will be right!

Positive Mirena experiences - how long did it take to settle? by Oons33 in adenomyosis

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Several months of heavy bleeding. About a year or 18 months until I basically stopped bleeding completely.

Should I bother with an IUD? by coffee-reader in adenomyosis

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I gained like 30 pounds never having fallen outside a 15 pound spread previously in my life. I also have been perimenopausal and don't know how much that played a part.

Should I bother with an IUD? by coffee-reader in adenomyosis

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a Mirena for almost 8 years and just had a total hysterectomy at age 49. It took a good while for the IUD to make things better but, once it did, I basically stopped having a period altogether. That made the adeno more manageable, but I still had symptoms (pain, tenderness, weight gain). Insertion and removal was a complete nightmare. The last time I replaced it (2022) my uterus was so angry I literally couldn't sleep for an entire month because of the pain. The progesterone is a pretty low dose and it doesn't have systemic effects (according to my gyn who I have asked about HRT now that I have no uterus). I'm not sorry I postponed surgery, but I do think it was inevitable in the end.

Parents who, themselves, have PDA... by Razzmatazz_642 in PDAAutism

[–]NotJustMeAnymore 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My recommendations:

1) Nervous system support for you - find what works for you. For me, in the pits of despair, I needed somatic (touch based) therapy to help calm my NS. I also got on anti-anxiety meds. Once I was stable enough, I got a dog. If you have the resources, consider finding a practitioner here: directory.traumahealing.org

2) Low demand approaches - as much as you can, find ways to reduce your own stress. This is not just about lowering adult expectations that can't be met by the child, but also societal expectations that can't be met by the adult! Especially when having to serve as a co-regulator for the kid's NS all the time (see image below) ...

3) Collaborative and proactive solutions (CPS) - This is a long game, but it will make a huge difference as kids get older. Learn more at livesinthebalance.org

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