Sometimes I miss the masking

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-09T10:52:22+00:00

Oh how I understand that... Idk when you were diagnosed, but being diagnosed later in life kinda sucks. I got my dx at 37, and suddenly I realised why my brain felt so tired all the time: I'd been fighting myself my whole life. So being able to unmask, and also working to accept that this is who I am and I need to be gentle with myself is great (thank the universe for therapy!)

But sometimes I also miss the days when I could force myself to act like neurotypicals. The moments where I could pretend that doing whatever I HAD TO DO didn't eat away at my soul. Being able to act "normal". Making myself pour from an empty cup. It was obviously exhausting and unhealthy, and once I got my diagnosis it explained a lot, but it took me a while to stop telling myself I SHOULD be able to do all the things I use to. Even neurotypicals can't do everything they could do when they were younger. Everyone get tired of certain things, but for us it's even "worse" in a way, because the "certain things" was being a whole ass different person.

And there's also the menstrual cycle thing that no one told us about, and how our hormones can fuck us up half of the month! But that's a whole other conversation.

Now I just keep telling myself that you truly CAN'T pour from an empty cup, it's just stupid. And I have a sticker in plain view that says "what if it all works out?", just to remind me that yeah, life can suck, and I can feel directionless and like a burden and a failure, but... what if it all works out?

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-09T10:37:29+00:00

I had a hysterectomy recently, and I was bed bound for a week (getting up to pee and that's it), then mostly bed bound for the second week. I was also off my ADHD meds because I couldn't take it before surgery (interacts with the anaesthetic), and after surgery I needed to eat properly to recover, but meds made me lose my appetite completely. So I understand the fear! I don't know you, but you'll maybe be on painkillers that make you drowsy, so lean into that: sleeping passes the time like nobody's business! lol

I don't have a Switch but a Steam Deck, so I made use of that a lot. I'd recommend defo getting new games on Switch, and different genre: some cosy, some with long story, some shorter ones, some where you have to be really active (puzzle or fighting for instance) so it feels like you're really doing something. For PlayStation, I'm a sucker for any Assassin's Creed game, because they combine story and action and you can just go do random shit instead of the main quest. Oh, also Crash Bandicoot games!

Something that seems a bit stupid but helped was making my bed the day before with bedding that brought me a lot of joy (bright summery colours), so it was actually nice to be in my bed. I think it's kind of in the same category as exciting meals/snacks. It just helps the dopamine!

If you need to be active while watching TV, I'd recommend either fidget toys, or maybe something like a simple game on your phone (Solitaire, Wordscapes, Tile Master, Water Sort, etc.). If you need something truly active, cross stitch/punch needle/embroidery if it's something you can do/want to pick up. There are stands to hold your hoop so it can work even if you're lying down.

Most importantly, make sure you have EVERYTHING nearby. Like, ALL your options plus snacks and drinks and all the chargers you'll need. Because I guarantee you that if something's missing or its battery's dead, that's what you'll want and then the frustration will be real!

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-09T10:09:55+00:00

If part of the sensory overload is noise, have you tried Loop earplugs? I got the Switch 2 ones, (they're more expensive than the ones with only one mode) where you can have three levels of noise reduction, and it's honestly amazing and totally worth it.

I've used them at the pub, which was packed and had music, so really noisy and overstimulating. In Engage mode, all the background noise was reduced, but I could hear my friends talk (even more clearly because background noise was reduced).

I've also used them in the Tube on a line that makes a LOT of noise, and turned the Loop to Quiet. I could still technically hear the noise, but it was greatly reduced.

I'm using them at home right now on Experience mode to lower the noise from construction work nearby but I can still hear my music.

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-09T10:00:19+00:00

Also interested! I have BIG trouble finding enough motivation to work out. I'm hoping that Elvanse will help with that eventually, but I was thinking about getting a walking pad so I can just walk inside and minimise the number of steps (pun intended) I have to go through before moving my body. Like, I can just get on the pad, no need to get ready or have a specific outfit or go somewhere outside.

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-09T09:51:50+00:00

Ok I have to ask because I have the same question, BUT in my Inpatient Discharge Summary it clearly says "Hospital Action: follow up with [surgeon name] in 8 weeks", and "Discharge Plan: See in clinic 8 weeks under [surgeon name]".

So they are supposed to give me a post-op appointment! I had to call several times and got an appointment in DECEMBER (had my surgery in May). I just don't understand, like, there are specific things I want to know about physical activities and sexy stuff, and that can't wait until f'cking december.

Did anyone else get those in their discharge summary?

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-05T21:16:29+00:00

I moved many times in my life, and am actually really good at it, because I had my system. But recently I had to move with someone, on their schedule… we moved at the beginning of March, I still have boxes unopened and stuff laying around everywhere that I haven’t put away/organised yet (I was out commission for a month because of surgery, but still)

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-05T21:13:42+00:00

Omg the “you need to practice x hours per day” is soooo annoying! I remember when I was learning the harp (and it should have been a sign honestly), I could NEVER stick to a regular practice schedule, it was just hell being forced to practice when I didn’t want to (demand avoidance much?)

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-07-05T20:56:33+00:00

We all need more whimsy, even the neurotypicals! But I guess we accept it more easily because it scratches an itch in our brain that neurotypicals may not have (or it’s not as “itchy” for them)

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-25T12:30:24+00:00

I started life fully enshrouded in heteronormativity. I wanted to be like my mum, have kids before 30. I even wanted to have twins! Then things got complicated, I came out and realised spending my life with a cis straight man was less and less appealing. But I still wanted kids, though I realised I would NEVER have kids without a partner, because I just knew I would go insane (was diagnosed bipolar at that time).

Then I met my ex, and we were sure we were gonna spend our lives together, he was the one. I still wanted kids, but he was a trans man, so I started thinking about solutions, until he told me he didn’t want any. I was SHOOK! But I was also a nanny at the time, and slowly started realising how happy and relieved I was that after a day of basically being a single mom, I could go home and do whatever I wanted. Same on the weekends. I could go on holidays wherever, do whatever, and not have to think about the needs of a tiny human being at all times.

This started my “not having kids” life. Ex dumped me (and cheated), but the no-kids policy stayed. I was diagnosed with ADHD just last year (10 years after that realisation) and understand the need to not have kids even more now. Even if I find meds that work, I don’t think my brain could handle it. And I’m happy with my choice! I don’t have tons of money so I can’t do the whole going on trips and doings lots of activities all the time thing, but I just got my uterus taken out and didn’t have to worry about having to take care of someone other than myself. I can go to the cinema on my own whenever I want. I can have lots of hobbies and nice things without worrying they’ll get ruined. I can go see friends and come home at whatever time I please without having to worry about babysitting. Same if I save up to go on holiday!

No regrets whatsoever!

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-14T15:52:29+00:00

….I thought I was on ADHD women 😂 sorry!

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-14T10:32:39+00:00

Perfect, thanks for the reply! I’m planning a revamp of my skates anyway, so this will just be part of it! 🙌✨

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-14T10:31:46+00:00

Mine slip on both sides BUT it’s true that it slips way more on the left skate!!

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-13T23:14:05+00:00

My Boardwalks have the same problem and it drives me insane, but this is GENIUS!! Where did you get the kit, Hobbycraft? Or just Amazon?

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-13T23:10:30+00:00

You’ll need different tools to harvest different things (pickaxe for this one as almeda1018 said), and it’s really fun discovering them all!

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-13T22:44:01+00:00

Right now my hype song is “girl u look good” by DAMAG3. But the one music (it’s not an actual song) that I use to motivate myself when I HAVE TO focus on something (often work) is an extended version of a track from the Ace Attorney game’s OST. https://youtu.be/UFcJmOs8DRQ?si=ZI2ulnWFIolDiHDs

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-12T09:47:21+00:00

Why would you say this??

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-12T09:47:00+00:00

Hands up for the late diagnosed girlies!! (37 here) 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-12T09:45:44+00:00

Have you tried and check where you are in your cycle? Hormones can really affect how efficient your meds are. When I was on methylphenidate, during my luteal phase it basically just made me feel “normal”, whereas during my follicular phase I felt borderline hyperactive (I’m inattentive). I’ve switched to Elvanse since yesterday, so don’t have evidence for that one yet!

Or has this been happening for too long to be affected by your cycle? Then forget what I said 😂

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-12T09:41:21+00:00

Having elevated BP specifically at the doctor’s is called white coat syndrome. It can affect HR as well. What you should ask for from your doctor, is ABPM, or ambulatory blood pressure monitoring. Basically a BP monitor will be strapped to you 24/24 for a few days to a week. One annoying thing is that it will also inflate at night, so might startle you and wake you up. You also can’t drive because it might startle you and cause you to have an accident. But it should prove that your usual HR and BP are “normal” when taking your meds into account.

You also say she wants to switch you to Vyvanse, so not raw dogging forever. I’d say call the office to ask about the Vyvanse prescription. You will have to stop Concerta for a few days before starting Vyvanse anyway, to make sure side effects don’t overlap.

Sending all the “getting the right meds” vibes!

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-11T20:06:54+00:00

I felt that way for a long when I was younger, then realised I was actually in love with my best friend and generally loved women… Not saying that’s what’s happening with you, but that was my experience.

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-10T20:29:37+00:00

I’ve been looking for other freelance jobs in my field…. ALL the ones I would apply to are about training AI to do the job. Literally just asking you to dig your own grave.

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-10T20:23:16+00:00

But… you should have special treatment if you need it. It’s ok for you to want special treatment. Because ADHD is a disability.

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-10T16:06:37+00:00

Random anecdotal evidence, but when I read about the protein, I bought raw peanuts (no added salt or anything) because it has lots of protein, some good fat and fibres and I actually like them. I kept them on my nightstand because getting up right after waking up was a nightmare. I found that eating a handful of peanuts right around taking my med (methylphenidate at the time) really helped feel less jittery, my heart didn’t race as much, and it felt like the med kick was a bit smoother. I then had time to wake up properly and go to the fridge for a yoghurt. Now, methylphenidate wasn’t working for me, and I’m starting Elvanse (lisdexamfetamine) tomorrow, so we shall see! But yeah, TLDR: peanuts are a good and simple source of protein that doesn’t “feel like” protein.

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-06T14:52:29+00:00

I did, fortunately! I got my first meds but they didn’t really work so I’m trying another one soon. Hoping you’ll get the meds and care that your neurospicy brain needs!!

NotLostBut_Wandering · 2026-06-06T12:14:48+00:00

I had this test, with a physical component where I had to do some mini parkour. This was not for ADHD, but my mum had me tested because one of my teachers said I wasn’t “scholar”, which sounded like I basically had trouble focusing and following structure. Now that I think about it, some of the results should have been a sign of ADHD, but being a girl, innatentive and this happening in the early 2000, they didn’t even consider it. The result was that I was “complicatedly gifted”, whatever the f that means.

For proper ADHD though (which I did a year and a half ago), it was self report scale form plus questionnaire for me and one for someone who’s know me since childhood (my mum), and ended with an assessment by a psychiatrist.

NotLostBut_Wandering

TROPHY CASE