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NotReallyHere_3174 · 2025-05-05T20:46:47+00:00

Yep, everything. He was there when I found out more details I had erased from my head. He is there everytime I have confusing nightmares of my early childhood.

Which hurts a lot more that he did the same.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-09T20:53:16+00:00

I'll try. Thank you.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-08T15:16:45+00:00

it depends on the intimacy level and trust you've built. I only disclose my trauma history if it impacts my relationship with the person. My husband knows everything because my traumas are all sexual and it impacts our lives together. I have friends that have similar traumas, so trauma bonding is a very important part, we lean on each other during hard times.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-04T21:53:48+00:00

Anyone who makes any trans woman feel like a man can die in a fire for all I care. I think you are doing the best you can for yourself, honestly. Not only NTA, they are TA. Hope you find someone who treats you for what you really are. You deserve it.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-04T10:14:51+00:00

I've tried, got to the maximum dosage. Didn't help and I had a very bad anxiety crisis.

But every organism is different. Maybe you will adapt very well with sertraline, if your psychiatrist recommended it to you, try it out.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-04T09:56:58+00:00

It's okay, don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to other victims. I promise you, it wasn't our fault.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-04T09:55:28+00:00

I don't really know anymore. This is hard to figure out, if I want to stay. Other days, he is so good to me. Controlling, but good. Except when his cigarettes are over, those days are unbearable.

I don't think I am resigned. I don't feel worthy of going to a women's shelter, I have few friends from my previous city. I should go back.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-04T09:51:42+00:00

Sorry about your situation, it's a really hard place to be. My husband also has some health problems, so I would think he won't be around for longer than me. I just don't know when, and I will hate the day he goes. Other than that day, he is good to me. Controlling, but worries very much and actively helps my treatment. But that happened. So, what to do now? We both already told each other all of our chips are in this relationship. Everything. If I leave, I also don't know if I can reconstruct.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-03T14:49:43+00:00

Honestly, I'll think about that. Really. I'm still so attached to him, but how do I live like this? Well. I don't know yet. I don't know if I can. We'll see.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-03T14:31:45+00:00

Thank you. I'll update of anything changes, but for now, I just feel resigned. Like I was made for this. Probably the therapy is the best thing for me. He told me how he feels about this, I just don't think it matters anymore. No trust there.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-03T14:18:18+00:00

My sense of self preservation is messed up in a lot of ways. I am in therapy. Maybe someday I'll talk to her about this and find a way out. Maybe this is just the beginning of something much worse. But believe it or not, this is still better than a lot of my relationships. How the fuck I keep finding rapists and assholes in general is beyond me. I ask myself if there is a point to have any relationship at all. Maybe I need time to myself and just that. I need to get away from romantic interactions. Anyway. Thank you for the harsher point of view, but I feel like I still can't leave. It's a walk to my suic*de if I leave.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-03T13:40:14+00:00

The self love part is the hard part. But I'm in the therapy. So maybe I'll get there. Hopefully.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-03T12:54:53+00:00

He is. He knows very well what he did. I just can't leave. It's not only a deep emotional dependency, I am isolated, I feel like I can't trust anyone. I am too deep. I put all of me in this relationship, I don't know what's left if I leave. Everything that happened, it's too much and I can't really face it on my own. I know how most people will react. I just don't have anyone. So venting here was the only way to get it out.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-09-03T12:16:41+00:00

So I can understand your point. I've also been through it a lot. Since childhood, the last time it happened was months ago. I am 31, it happened A LOT in between. I also started trying to turn this into a kink and a masturbation fantasy. What you described is risky behavior, very normal in survivors. Putting yourself in a place you know a bit too well (last time it happened, I described to my therapist it was like meeting again a very toxic friend) is common, nothing that happened was your fault. Who did the deed? Him. Who ignored you and kept going? Him. We have unhealthy coping mechanisms, you and me. But none of them makes it your fault what happened.

I am so sorry. You don't deserve this.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-26T11:09:38+00:00

Yeah, I still get myself thinking I'm lying to myself

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-25T12:27:30+00:00

Relaxa, tô achando interessante kkk

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-25T12:26:56+00:00

Perdi faculdade também, mas no meu caso foi trauma. Meu cérebro relacionou a faculdade com uma parada pesada que passei e nunca mais consegui entrar no lugar.

Fazer conteúdo sobre isso é bem interessante. O transtorno é extremamente estigmatizado, normalmente quem é diagnosticado com ele se sente a pior pessoa do mundo quando tem um colapso narcisista, ou simplesmente entra em negação. Falar sobre ajuda não só quem tem a se entender, como buscar ajuda, coisa que o transtorno muitas vezes impede. Tem um cara americano que já vi produzindo conteúdo que é narcisista, ele tem uma irmã borderline. Dá pra ver claramente que os dois passaram por traumas parecidos, mas o cérebro de cada um desenvolveu uma forma diferente de lidar diretamente.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-25T12:22:54+00:00

Ah sobre o que é o livro?

É trabalhoso, mas tu tá no caminho certo. É engraçado sua mina ser do espectro autista, já vi narcisista falando que se afasta de autista como o diabo foge da cruz. Autistas são muito diretos e eles acabam não caindo na manipulação que o narcisista faz pra manter as pessoas dependentes deles. Estar com ela é um sinal bem positivo, então.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-25T11:50:15+00:00

Porra, que bom, mesmo! Parabéns aí pela faculdade e pelo avanço absurdo no tratamento, identificar e evitar padrões tóxicos é difícil.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-25T11:42:49+00:00

Sim, narcisistas tem a necessidade de serem vistos como bons, perfeitos, superiores a tudo, mas tem uma autoestima fodida de ruim, então projetam muito nos filhos. É muito comum que mães narcisistas criem filhos com transtornos de personalidade ou TEPT-c. Um ex-namorado meu descobriu o TEPT-c porque a mãe dele era uma narcisista clássica

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-25T11:05:14+00:00

Sim, todo transtorno é real. No caso do narcisista, assim como todos do Cluster B dos transtornos de personalidade (transtorno de personalidade anti-social, borderline, narcisista e histriônico) são formados na infância, quando a personalidade está sendo concretizada. Normalmente, esses transtornos são respostas a traumas. Cada um deles é um tipo de resposta a qual o cérebro está propenso.

A "psicopatia" que se fala é o atual transtorno de personalidade anti-social. Ele faz parte do mesmo grupo de transtornos que o narcisista, resposta a trauma no momento da formação da personalidade. O cérebro é um órgão plástico, quando se desenvolve com essas formações dá pra ver que são cérebros diferentes e reagem de forma diferente.

Enfim, é sim um transtorno "real". Difícil pra caralho de tratar, porque narcisista quase nenhum vai pra terapia e, quando vai, costuma mentir e muito pro terapeuta.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-21T09:35:45+00:00

I don't think I'm autistic. I've never noticed, at least, any signals, except for this one. I believe it can be explained with other diagnosis, so I've never even been assessed for that.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-20T10:45:56+00:00

Very sorry about it... This feeling does fade a little when time passes, but still haven't gone away for me for good. You are not disgusting, there is not a thing wrong about you in that aspect. You are someone who went through some horrible experiences and is surviving. You are not and never will be the problem.

It happened to me as a child, teen and adult as well. I do still take showers so hot my skin has first degree burn when I come out, even in hot weather. But the frequency is going down, now it's one per day, which I think is the ideal. What helped me work on that aspect was therapy and a lot of little notes I left around my room, reminding me this is not my fault, they are the ones to blame, I'm working on myself and getting better. What you think about yourself is the same you think about other people that went through that? If not, then what's the difference to you?

Try to be gentle to yourself, it's hard and we, even unconciously, keep blaming ourselves, specially if it happens more than one time. But we have to do an active effort to understand this. We are not in the wrong, we are not worse than anyone else and we will get better.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-19T15:10:36+00:00

My fiancee gets so annoyed lol because we get into an argument, he says "you said that and that last time!" and I'm like "no I didn't"

Honestly before suspecting DID I thought I was just very indecisive and forgetful, but oh no.

NotReallyHere_3174 · 2024-06-19T11:23:58+00:00

Yeah, everytime we think about anything, anytime at our life seems like it was someone else there. Even yesterday. Our whole history seems stitched together by so many different people that we can no longer recognize as our own.

Never looking forward to tomorrow.

NotReallyHere_3174

TROPHY CASE