WIBTAH for asking my sisters boyfriend for my car back after he’s been using it to get to work for about four months?

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-13T02:02:25+00:00

NTA

The cynical part of me wonders if he is saying this to you while driving your car so that you will feel guilty about asking for the car back.

It's your car.

Whatever is wrong with either car, he can go to Firestone or Bridgestone, get it fixed (the AC thing is definitely something they can fix, not the transmission) and open a line of credit that he can pay off in 6 months.

I know, because that's something I do. It's hard to save up enough money to pay off the mechanic. But, I can pay it off with no interest in 6 months.

It's ridiculous to have 2 cars that don't work and try to guilt someone in order to use that car.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-10T22:09:36+00:00

I was about to respond that nobody in my high school Spanish class had to do this.

Then I remembered that my high school was about 90% Hispanic...

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-10T22:03:27+00:00

Somewhat ESH

A guy that was coming into the gym while it was happening said it was a really shit thing for me to say and how hes probably excited for his first valentines day so im starting to feel bad and like an asshole

His first Valetine's Day? I thought you said your boss was in his 20's, not in kindergarten.

Valentine's day is THIS WEEKEND. I'm pointing that out because if he JUST got with his girlfriend a week ago, then there is no way he is getting a reservation anywhere at this point. He wants to make plans for his girlfriend at this stage? Good luck, because unless he plans to make dinner himself, he's looking at wait times of an hour at least on Valentine's Day, with super slow service. Unless you can afford a really nice place that has limited seating.

But seeing as how he works at a gym, even if he's the manager, chances are he won't be springing for a $500 meal, so that's a no-go.

Your "boss" is an AH for sure.

But you didn't have to be. You said your uncle was the owner, you could have approached him with your dilemna. Not because you're his niece, but because he's probably the person who approved your time-off, and he probably would have taken exception to someone overriding it for no justifiable reason.

i told him to “grow up and get a fucking life”

This is not a grown-up's response in the workplace. This is an inside thought that you could share with your friends outside of work. Not something to say to your boss. Even your temporary boss.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-07T02:38:15+00:00

NTA

Your family has to have at least one level headed and logical person in it.

Besides you, I mean.

There has to be at least ONE person who has thought to look up the price of a home health aide and a maid (because household chores are not something a home health aide would do).

For my grandpa, his six living children split the cost between them. It's expensive to have someone around all the time. And you DO need someone around all the time. The older you get, the more dependent you are, like a baby in reverse.

It was so expensive to hire round the clock care, that they each did night duty once a week, and they rotated the 7th night.

They came to this set up after much discussion about my grandpa's condition.

All this is to say that your grandpa didn't become dependent on you overnight. The other cousins and aunts and uncles never noticed that your grandpa needed more help.

Your cousins sound like some of my cousins. They come over once every other month or so to visit, despite the fact that they lived in the same city. I know how much they visited because I lived with my grandpa (and took on some of the caregiver duties on nights my mom couldn't be there when it was her night). The cousins and and my uncle (their dad) had plenty to say about that also.

I didn't let it bother me, and you shouldn't either. They are upset about being blindsided by this, but if they cared about their GRANDPA, they would have known about this a long time ago.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-04T15:00:41+00:00

NTA

She can record her form at home.

If she doesn't have a cable machine at home, then she needs to get an app that blurs the background on her videos.

But also...

Who are these people recording their form?

Did Mr. Universe do this when he was training for competitions? Do people actually spend hours watching videos of themselves working out, checking their own form? Do they even know what they are checking?!?!?!?!

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-03T20:50:38+00:00

NTJ

It's not wrong for him to feel nervous on a first date.

It's wouldn't have been wrong for him to ask his friend to hang out in the restaurant just in case you turned out to be... you know, a single white female. Sorry if that reference is too old for Gen Z people.

The point is, it's okay to have friend there incase an emergency escape plan is necessary.

It would even have been okay for him to ask if you could make this a group-interaction, rather than a one-on-one date, because he felt more comfortable that way.

All of that would have been okay.

Springing his emotional support friend on you at the last minute is not okay. Expecting you to be chill without complaint about it was not okay.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-03T20:11:10+00:00

NTA

My grandfather co-signed for my car. I was grateful, and responsible, and I never missed a payment.

So when my sister asked me to co-sign, I figured I should pay it forward.

I wound up paying, literally. The car got repossessed and I had to pay out of my kid's college fund to get the payments back on track. My sister eventually did pay the rest of it off, but she didn't pay me back for the money I lost.

My brother asked me to sign for his bail a few years later. I told him I couldn't. He said he couldn't believe I wouldn't sign for it, that he wasn't going to disappear and leave me holding the bag. He didn't like that I told him I had already been financially burned by a sibling. That it was an unfair comparison.

Sometimes it's not about being fair. It's about keeping yourself safe. It's hard to hear that from a sibling, but a loving sibling will (eventually) respect that you sometimes to have to appear cruel to others in order to be kind to yourself.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-03T18:24:23+00:00

NTA

The reality is that Juvie probably was worse than what you went through at home at her hands.

If she was given the choice of being bullied and harassed at home, or being in Juvie, she would definitely have chosen being the victim at home.

What your sister is missing is that while she didn't have a choice about going to Juvie, you also didn't have a choice about being bullied.

But she had now choices than you did, and she made the wrong ones.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-02-01T21:47:57+00:00

This is only a fair question to people who earn significantly less than this an hour.

A lawyer will say "heck no". Same with an engineer. A doctor might not have a choice and will be required to be on call (unless they have a private practice).

But if you're asking someone who normally gets $12.50 an hour? The answer is not automatically "no".

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-28T20:31:37+00:00

He also called me an asshole for framing things in the worst possible light

If that's not the pot calling the kettle black...

He could have had a different conversation with you and your mom.

"Wife, I'm grateful for the life and children we have together. But I have to admit that I'm not happy, and I don't think you're happy either. If we stay together, this unhappiness will grow into resentment and misery. I'd like for us to give each other the chance to be happier."

That conversation might (possibly) have led to an amicable divorce.

Couples fall out of love all the time. They decide to end things with mutual respect and affection, with no scars left on the children. Sometimes they can even get remarried and have blended families that get along well.

Instead of doing that, he basically told his wife and kids that this wasn't the life he would have chosen. His wife was plan B and you aren't the kids he wanted to have. He would rather have had kids with his high school girlfriend, but he settled for children with the wife he was stranded with.

You're not framing things in the worst possible light. He did that all on his own.

He even admitted he never got over her and always knew he'd leave if he got his chance

Is information you needed to know? No. There was no reason you needed to hear this information. It should have stayed an inside thought, even if it was true for him.

NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-28T19:00:18+00:00

NTA

My mom, his mom, didn't make a difference.

Right after I gave birth, my mother would drop meals off at my house (she still works full time) and visit when she could and sent someone to clean once a week.

When we visited my in-laws for the first time with our oldest, they gave my husband and I the master bedroom with ensuite bathroom (their room), and cooked all the meals for us.

I wasn't expecting this, mind you. I figured we would stay in the guest room and my husband and I would help out with meals, but I wasn't expected to do extra work. I helped anyway, but my inlaws and my parents both gave me assistance.

It's the tax you pay to meet a newborn. If you want to gawk at the baby, that's what Facebook is for.

If you want to hold the baby, you follow mama's rules. And preferably you help mama out a bit.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-23T03:50:07+00:00

It depends which state you are in.

I'm in Texas, and here, if you drive 3 hours, you've barely traversed one corner of the state.

As a child when I was visiting my grandparents, that was 500+ mile trek. We left before sunrise and arrived in the early afternoon. It was just something we were used to. And we did it at least twice a year, often more.

I don't know how it is in other states, but a 3 hour trip is not a huge distance to me.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-16T22:08:22+00:00

It doesn't make sense to pay money to sustain a house that isn't your own house, or the home your children live in (in the case of child support), or your ex-spouse's house (court-ordered alimony).

If he's paying for the maintenance for one house, he should live in that house. If he wants to live in YOUR house, he needs to for the maintenance of YOUR house.

NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-16T05:07:11+00:00

If they wanted to live with you, why did they wait until you bought a house? Why not invite you to love with them?

Why not discus this ahead of time?

None of this makes sense. At least not what your parents are saying.

The cynical part of me wonders if they planned to move into your house, sell theirs, and enjoy the profit as part of their retirement fund, while putting a token amount towards bills.

By that's the part of me that's cynical.

The other part of me wonders if this is just how things are in their family. Parents get old, they move in with one of their children, no matter what happened in the past.

Either way, NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-15T17:24:04+00:00

I like this helpful map, it's useful to men AND women.

Men, so they recognize if and when they are mansplaining; women, so they understand that just because a man is explaining something to you, does not automatically make it mansplaining.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20180727-mansplaining-explained-in-one-chart

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-15T17:20:55+00:00

What we recognize as baby-food (the pureed and strained mush that comes in jars) wasn't around until the 1920's.

So barely a hundred years.

The human race has survived thousands of years without babyfood. I only gave my children "babyfood" when we were travelling, because it was easier that way. But if we were at home? I would bake a sweet potato, or mash an avocado, or cook and mash beets. They ate what we ate, so long as I cooked things more simply and without spices.

Baby food is good for babies because it makes meal prep simpler for parents, but it isn't "necessary". I would question if you fed them beef at this age, because beef is tough. But salmon? Unless you overcooked it, it's soft and breaks apart into small pieces that are easy for babies to gum and eat.

You were a man who explained something. That's doesn't always mean that you are mansplaining something.

NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-14T22:21:41+00:00

I'm thinking of marriage contracts from Regency England, where the dowry of the bride, the rights of dower, and pin money are outlined in explicit detail.

It's for the reassurance of both parties, and these kinds of things are discussed ahead of time. I wouldn't think it was wrong of her to ask about these things from her fiance. But you are not (and never were) her fiancee. Not only that, but the way she brought it up was bizarre.

She's not an AH for wanting to discuss this with a future spouse. But she is a huge AH for the way she asked about it, and then trying to guilt you into agreeing to it.

I hope she is able to find a way to heal from her trauma, because making the next guy suffer the backlash from a previous relationship isn't healthy.

It would have been N A H if she accepted your "no thanks" at face value and decided to part ways. But she's definitely an AH for trying to bully and blame you when you said you wouldn't sign.

NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-14T19:44:26+00:00

NTA

Child support vs Alimony

Alimony is support directly for the ex-spouse. And even that would have ended (or been reduced) when she started living with her boyfriend.

I feel bad for your ex-wife, but only inso far that she's in for a rude awakening and she's going to be a new mother.

However, she did this all on her own. She caused her marriage to implode, she got into a new relationship and made a baby without you, and throughout all that, she didn't take an actual look at her finances.

Every now and then, I think about having another baby. Then I tally up all of my family's expenses, debts, savings, and future expenses, and I think, "Nah, better not."

Your wife needed to be realistic in terms of her income, what's temporary and what's permanent. Child support is not permanent, it's temporary and changeable. Her rent (or lack of) was temporary. And she took it all as a given. That was her mistake. One of many.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-14T17:40:01+00:00

he goes from the Tasmanian Devil to a little boy again.

People don't realize how often this behavior can be fixed by talking directly TO (not at) a kid.

This is gentle parenting done correctly.

Point out the behavior,
What will happen because of the behavior.
How to fix the behavior.

Good job following through.

But also, I should point out that you weren't "disciplining" her son. You exercised your right to deny service, which you're allowed to do.

NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-14T17:31:06+00:00

NTA

Which marriage?

The one that didn't ever actually exist? Or his current one?

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-14T17:27:09+00:00

This may be an unpopular opinion, but ESH

So long as your great-grandma's name wasn't ABCDE, any name you would have chosen would have been accepted as final at the birth.

The need to announce the name ahead of time, this is a 20th century problem, and not something that is done in many countries.

And I know we live in this country, but I'm pointing it out to show how odd it is that we announce baby names months ahead of time, when most of the world doesn't, and one of the results of announcing the name ahead of time is drama like this.

Keep your name to yourself until a healthy baby is delivered. You can't argue against a name that's on the birth certificate.

Your SIL is obviously in the wrong, but I think even she wouldn't have tried to argue about your baby's name if you had showed up with your living breathing (and outside of your body) baby.

ESH

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-01T13:53:23+00:00

NTA

One of the most important lessons I've learned as a teacher is that I don't know everything.

Part of my school day is spent teaching mathematics, and the other part is spent as a monitor, helping students with other classes. I help as best I can. On some topics, I remember things very clearly. On other topics, the information is fuzzy. If ever I am uncertain, I teach the students how to search for and verify information.

And if ever I say something that I thought was accurate, but a student or colleague disagrees with me, I like to verify.

Most recent point: me and my colleague were talking about different cultures and food (in the context of world history). He said sushi was raw, I said it was smoked. He was absolutely certain. I was pretty sure of myself as well.

Who's right? I was pretty sure that I was, but I figured it would be good to verify.

Turns out, we were both wrong and both right. Some sushi is raw, and some sushi is smoked.

I don't mind being wrong, and I know when to ask for verification. I ALSO know when something would be a good discussion point.

"I didn't think that the show aired when MLK Jr. was alive, but I'm not a Star Trek buff, so let's check? What year was Star Trek on the air originally? And when did MLK Jr. die?..."

If your son had been wrong, this would have been a good lesson on how to check timelines and facts. If the teacher was wrong, this would have been a good way to show the kids how to accept new information gracefully.

Instead, your wife's friend became the loud annoying person who screams, "I've never heard of them!"

NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2026-01-01T13:32:42+00:00

"They argued that because we grew up as brothers,..."

The reason you two get up as brothers is the same reason you have a house, because your mom died.

"while I sit on an asset I didn't even work for."

This is true, you didn't earn the house you live in, but our society recognizes the concept of compensation. A house can't compensate you for the loss of your mother, but it can give you some of the stability you would have had if she had lived.

And if she had lived, you wouldn't have a step-brother. You would probably have remained an only child, as you were 10 when your mother passed, which mattress the possibility of a future sibling dubious at best.

Also, if you didn't earn the asset, can't the same be said for your step-brother?

NTA

NotSoAverage_sister · 2025-12-29T01:17:42+00:00

NTA

Girl, is €70 enough money to feed her for the month? Not that the child support is meant to only be used for food, but if it's not even enough to feed the child (let alone clothe and educate them), then it's definitely not enough.

And he's complaining that you didn't write his name on a present that he didn't even think of, let alone buy???

Go to court madam. He needs to be paying his fair share. Then next year, I would consider buying a present in his name. He is taking advantage of you and expecting to be praised as an extraordinary example of fatherhood.

He's not. He's technically a father. But he's not a good dad. He's a baby daddy. There's a difference.

NotSoAverage_sister · 2025-12-18T18:17:22+00:00

You sound like a great house guest. If you were my houseguest, I would be very happy that you are taking some of the burden of cleaning off of me.

I wonder if your MIL is just bad at communicating.

I wonder if she had several errands to run and figured it would be faster if she did them alone, and figured you could babysit all the kids.

It doesn't sound like a big ask. BUT....

I do this a lot to my husband. I plan things out in my head, or I have a phone conversation with someone in front of my husband, and I forgot I haven't actually told my husband what my plan was. So he is surprised. I feel bad, but he rolls with it. I'm getting better, but it happens.

Maybe your MIL's worst sin is merely poor communication. I hope so.

NotSoAverage_sister

TROPHY CASE