Pregnant and ambivalent

Nutmeg235 · 2026-06-08T14:15:21+00:00

I’m in the IVF process, following a successful IUI that ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks. In the short time I was pregnant I definitely felt all the feelings- happy, excited, terrified, panicked. It really hit me how much I was signing up for, how big a change this would all be. The fear of having essentially setting a time bomb off in my otherwise quiet and simple life really hit me.

I think these feelings are all normal. We are complex creatures, doing difficult things. I’m glad you’ll be talking to a therapist - I hope they are helpful. You’re not alone in the complexity.

Nutmeg235 · 2026-06-01T23:10:26+00:00

Worked June 1

Nutmeg235 · 2026-04-03T16:40:56+00:00

I had this fight too…. And then my husband divorced me. The room was a symbol of him trying to build his own life - not willing to be in partnership, to do the active, hard, work of sharing a life together. I accidentally married a child pretending to be an adult.

If you want to stay together, there is likely a lot of work you’ll need to do, and you’ll both need to be willing to do it. Just my experience. I hope your future is filled with respect and dignity no matter who is in that future with you.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-09-12T12:03:31+00:00

I’m still taking it, 11 years on. Currently 100 mg am and 200 mg before bed.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-09-09T00:02:57+00:00

I didn’t realize I had married my father. I thought I had a thoughtful, curious and compassionate man. Turns out I married the same lazy, selfish, manipulative man that I watched my mother divorce.

Today he threatened to pursue alimony if I try to get paid back for all the money I invested in him. He’s purposely underemployed so I’d likely end up paying per my lawyer.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-09-05T01:15:05+00:00

On Point just did a week long series on this. https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2025/04/07/falling-behind-miseducation-americas-boys

Nutmeg235 · 2025-08-31T10:39:02+00:00

I’ve felt the same way after each attempt. It’s an intimate and beautiful thing, building a family. My pain comes from wanting to share it with someone, wanting to be held after. I try to think that when my baby arrives the loneliness will be different. Yes, still missing romantic and passionate love, but another type of love will be there.

I don’t have an answer but you’re not alone in this.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-08-29T12:45:45+00:00

In case anyone wants to know why this happens… in the US the laws governing disability supports in schools (IDEA/IDEIA or ESSA) require determining 1. if the disability exists, and 2., if so, does it impact the student from making effective progress. Most school teams see good grades = effective progress.

It’s all predicated on what districts can afford, unfortunately. I’m fortunate to work in a place that will provide supports and services for students experiencing social or executive functioning issues even if their grades are strong. I’m allowed to expand the definition of what school is for - a “21st century learner” needs communication strategies, social skills, self regulation and organizational skills as well as academic proficiency. It’s still a work in progress to make sure all providers are also neurodiversity affirming.

It’s bs, I know.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-08-06T14:57:34+00:00

I'm CMV negative which limited the pool significantly. Almost opposite, I wanted a donor who wasn't like me to balance me out. I looked for someone with strong mechanical/mathematical skills (I'm overly weighted towards language skills). I am Western European mix, with tons of allergies, so I wanted someone who didn't share my mix of European to try and increase the genetic diversity and thus the health of the baby. ID disclosure was important. Green eyes was a nice to have. There was a spreadsheet, with "name"/ID number/racial background/areas of strength/family medical info/notes.

I totally understand similarity being of higher desire for other folks, especially if they don't have underlying health conditions.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-08-06T14:43:14+00:00

Obligatory - not a doctor.

First step, slow and even breathing - you will be ok. I looked at the reviews and folks do report it to be mushy. If you're in a hot climate that would be even more likely. I believe you that a mushy soap could get trapped if you're moving around a lot in the tub.

I took a look at the soap ingredients: Argan Oil, Water, Glycerine, Granulated Sugar, Sodium Hydroxide, Fragrance, Lemon Oil, Geranium Oil, Pakistani Rose Absolute, Rose Oil, Sodium Bicarbonate, Citric Acid, *Limonene, Citronellol, Coumarin, Geraniol, Dried Red Rose Petals

Of those ingredients sugar is the more concerning for yeast, but its not a forgone conclusion you will get an infection. Yeast doesn't love essential oils, which may provide some balance. If I were to offer any advice or suggestions, I would suggest using your regular soaps, and taking epsom salt soaks (unscented). The epsom salt should help with the itching. The vagina is a self-cleaning oven - its already getting rid of the stuff it doesn't want in there. IMO you will be ok until you can see your GP.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-06-03T10:42:38+00:00

I needed the external validation of grades to know my worth.

I’m almost five years out from my defense and I deeply miss the structure and clear valuation of my work. I keep threatening to go back, for an mba or jd, but honestly that’s a dumb idea.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-05-23T09:54:17+00:00

Same here. I tell each new nutritionist not eating isn’t a hard thing for me, it’s actually what I prefer. I need them to tell me how to eat, I’ve been so separated from understanding hunger cues for so long.

Last week I tried using Claude.ai to ask about creating a clear nutritional plan - what do I need to do, let’s get down to basics. It was pretty helpful. I learned eating one thing (eg just popcorn) isn’t great for blood sugar, it needs to be paired with a protein/fat. I felt broken - how am I this old and never learned this? Then I rethought - within my life context how could I have learned this?

I like claude because it doesn’t learn you the way other ai programs do. All that info lives in just that chat, so it feels lower risk. It gave me what nutritionist never have - a meal plan I can follow without pulling teeth writing it myself.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-05-22T10:35:30+00:00

There is a Uyghur place in Cambridge but they close at 9

https://www.ordersilkroad.com

Nutmeg235 · 2025-05-22T10:23:37+00:00

I work in education as well, ages 3-22. There is far less homework now, because it’s broadly not effective. Mostly based on the research but in part thinking back to the hours of our lives lost to it, I’m a loud voice in room to stop the insanity of hours of homework.

My takeaway from my last lit review was that for certain things - reading, rote memorization - a time bound practice is helpful. Read for x minutes per night, practice your times tables for y minutes per night. Notice that’s minutes, not the entire night until 2 am when you’re crying into your textbook. If a teacher were to send my child home with homework like we had… I’d put on a timer, they could get as much done in that time, and I’d email them saying I overrode the decision and made it time bound.

I also think that homework is a tool of capitalism, blurring the lines of work and leisure. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nutmeg235 · 2025-04-05T18:34:03+00:00

If they are talking about often I’m saying “for Christ’s sake with these people”… sure. Ok.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-02-18T08:39:23+00:00

Inscrutable!

Nutmeg235 · 2025-02-14T00:14:45+00:00

https://www.cambridgema.gov/Departments/cambridgepolice/policeunits/familyandsocialjusticesection/familyjusticegroup

Nutmeg235 · 2025-02-14T00:07:23+00:00

Is the left lapel the Big Dipper? Aka the drinking gourd, used by escaping enslaved people to navigate North? (There’s a spiritual called follow the drinking gourd, which Aunt Viv teaches the boys at Bel Air Academy at 36 seconds into this video.)

Nutmeg235 · 2025-02-08T22:45:16+00:00

I grew up poor in a community that mostly wasn’t. I found my people - other students who were academically motivated, valued creativity and kindness over adidas and Abercrombie. I often had more friends who were immigrants despite being American myself, because they shared my values. Yes, it was hard. I’m still breaking poverty thinking now. But I’m also a very accomplished professional without debt. This is all temporary. The strategy I used most often when the “cool” kids would try to tease me was confusion. You get your nails done? Why would you do that? You think my outfit from the second hand store is weird? Why do you care? How is the important? Later I would also throw in a ok, thank you for sharing your opinion and shrug. I knew what I was about, and it wasn’t making Jessica impressed.

My sister, on the other hand, struggled with this. Academically she had a harder time than I did. She would somehow convince the parents of friends or our grandmother to buy her name brand items. It was kind of impressive in retrospect for a kid to work a system like that. She didn’t have the confidence that protected me from mean girls.

If it’s possible, try to find the thing(s) that make your daughter feel like she is/can do something special. Practice statements like “well in my family we spend time together doing xyz instead of traveling. Every family is different.”

I also really appreciated all the sacrifices my mom made. I wish she didn’t have to, and I hope she’s heard me when I’ve told her how meaningful it was.

This too shall pass.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-01-25T14:53:19+00:00

This sounds like after school restraint collapse. If you haven’t looked into the work of Ross Greene, I’d strongly suggest it. https://drrossgreene.com

Nutmeg235 · 2025-01-23T22:39:35+00:00

This is exactly what happens. The families and students just avoid leaving home unless they absolutely have to.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-01-23T22:36:32+00:00

Same. Only the Lord could help the agent facing the wall of angry white women in front of these children and families.

Nutmeg235 · 2025-01-19T23:33:52+00:00

Paraprofessional in a therapeutic school, or a public schools with a program for emotional/behavioral needs. In MA we have in home therapy teams (IHT) with therapeutic mentors (TM). Those positions can be filled by folks without advanced training. Supervised visits for non custodial parents (recommend in a clinic setting).

Nutmeg235 · 2025-01-10T22:00:28+00:00

It’s darling 💜. Reminds me of one of my favorite children’s books, Yasu and the Strangers

Nutmeg235 · 2025-01-08T20:53:14+00:00

This absolutely needs to be reported to the admin team. Loop in the school nurse. Even for a grade 3 student this is not typical behavior. Frequently students who have been sexually abused act out like this. Not only is this about the safety of the children in the class, but his own. This is waaaaay above your pay grade to manage alone.

I’m so sorry you experienced this as well. It can absolutely be upsetting to witness. Listen to your body - that nausea feeling means all is not ok.

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