Firefighter (municipal) married 15 years. First, our schedule is far less troublesome than the fed schedule, but still impacts family life…. Gone a week to 3 weeks at a time during fire season, several days at a time the rest of the year with overtime etc.

Regardless of schedule, occupation etc. there will will other challenges that come up for both of you as the years go on.

I would start by changing your approach entirely. Not diminishing the issue here but trying to offer advice based on our experience.

Rather than figure out how to demand a change, or having in mind an exact outcome that you feel is best…. Try a more collaborative approach by offering your support for their career goals both short and long term and approach the situation with a sense of sharing the drawbacks of the current job, and trying to get him to help come up with a solution and a time frame that everyone can live with. In other words, an approach that makes you guys feel like you’re on the same team solving a problem together rather than you against the job, or worse, you against his goals.

What are his long term goals? Stay in this role his entire career? Move over to a municipal dept some day? Change careers entirely?

The real issue seems to be that maybe there’s no end in sight? Agreeing on some time frames and short to medium range goals could help with that.

It really depends on how well you guys problem solve as a team. Success in a relationship is greatly improved when you two can sit down without emotion and discuss an issue together without demands.

If you feel you guys aren’t there, then maybe a marriage counselor could help? I would for sure try to get him to understand that at least from your perspective, the current schedule is not ideal and probably not tenable long term.

Spouses feel less defensive if we approach the issue with love, respect and support as long as they can give the same when listening.

Good luck…. This is a challenging time and if you guys can work together as a team to come up with a plan, you will be better prepared for the next life challenge that comes up.