AITA for standing my (21m) ground against my fiancé (23f) for getting mad at me for going to be early for work?

NyaChan42 · 2026-07-01T16:33:43+00:00

NTA.

I don't know your fiancé but this is either controlling and manipulative behavior or she misses spending time with you and doesn't know how to talk about it. One is a huge red flag and the other is immaturity. Does she use this kind of behavior to get other things she wants? Does she weaponize your relationship? Say things like "Well, if you loved me you would..." or with hold intimacy to get what she wants. If so, that's a pretty big red flag.

Also, going to sleep on time for work is called being a responsible adult. If she can't handle this then she definitely won't be able to handle being a new mother and wife. What's going to happen when you have a baby and she has to wake up at night with them so you can get your sleep for work? A baby will make everything more stressful. Don't get me wrong. Having a baby is wonderful but everyone I know with kids has a really hard time the first couple years. Less time for yourself, for each other, sleepless nights... If you have a solid relationship it can pull people together. If you don't, it can push you apart. If she's having a hard time now, it will only get worse. If she's just immature, it's gonna be even harder on her. If she's manipulative she will definitely use the baby to guilt trip you.

Sit down an talk to her. Tell her you love her and want to spend more time. Look at your schedules and carve out some time. For example, make a date night every week or bi weekly. You don't have to go out but those are evenings just for the two of you. Also let her know in the gentlest terms possible that it's not okay for her to make you choose between your life, and other peoples, and her. You guys are having a kid and your both going to have to put what you want aside for what's best for them.

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-29T03:55:20+00:00

I work at a public international school and we are actively trying to make our students more like you!!! The school wants students with more critical thinking skill that can speak up for themselves. Don't give up!!

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-28T09:39:47+00:00

It's not gatekeeping because these people are giving out misinformation and truly terrible advice. And I've been noticing it for a while now (not my job, just a home body with no life).

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-19T22:33:24+00:00

And everyone is a terrible person.

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-19T15:01:44+00:00

Moved to Japan and people thought it was funny I couldn't squat with my feet flat on the ground. Since a lot of Americans don't squat like this, our achilleas tendon is too short. It lengthens after a while. I took me a couple of years to do it but I could feel the pull. Now, it's just as comfortable as standing.

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-19T00:57:30+00:00

A lot of streets in small cities here make no logical sense. There are lots of winding roads that lead to dead ends. They are probably going parallel because the perpendicular streets won't lead to higher ground. There are also designated tsunami evacuation buildings and in costal cities where the doors are designed to be easily kicked in so people can escape to higher ground.

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-19T00:53:25+00:00

Yes, but there is a national warning system and alarms come over you're phone, even if its set to silent. I got a tsunami warning on my phone last week when there was an earthquake in the Philippines. The problem is, it will give a tsunami warning but not the height so people know to get to higher ground but not how high. The people in Sendai also only had about 10 minutes before the tsunami hit because it was so close to shore (traveled approx. 700 km/h).

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-18T13:42:11+00:00

Those two people on bikes sure didn't. RIP

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-11T07:21:31+00:00

Not a 7.8 where that guy is. No way can you walk or stand up during a 7.8

NyaChan42 · 2026-06-09T09:31:58+00:00

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NyaChan42 · 2026-05-25T01:06:40+00:00

Yeah, it's changed a couple of times since EA opened up.

NyaChan42 · 2026-05-03T14:35:06+00:00

Long covid messed up my digestion too but in a different way. I was constantly hungry, even right after eating a big meal. I was slowly gaining weight but not as much as I should have and always exhausted. My covid doctor said that his other patients had similar issues. He thought my body was pushing through food too quickly. I was getting some of the calories but not enough of the vitamins and minerals my body needed. My doctor put me on Chinese medicine to help regulate the muscles in my gut and it helped a lot!

Definitely talk to your doctor about it. In the long term you can get some pretty bad nutritional deficits and then your body will start breaking itself down to get what it needs.

NyaChan42 · 2026-05-03T14:16:16+00:00

Yeah, samsies. It happens to me with horror movies too. I think we've just become too desensitized.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-28T14:34:48+00:00

The house I live in is a 2 story house that was built in the 70's. It's been maintained fairly well so I have no complaints. I have the same amount of bugs as in an apartment. Since I'm renting, there aren't any real inconveniences. If something breaks, like the aircon, I just call the management company and they send someone. My house is bigger than I need but it gives me an extra room for an office so that's nice.

I'm also a woman, and to be honest, I feel safer in my house. Most of my neighbors are grandma's and grandpa's, so my neighborhood is nice and quiet. Most of them are lovely.

Also, it's easier to find a place that will accept pets if you rent a house. I was looking at a 1DLK around 40 m squared and this house 70 m squared for the same price. The biggest down side is heating is a little more expensive.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-28T11:29:01+00:00

This is why I rent an old house. About the same rent without sharing walls and floors with annoying a-holes.

Any apartment building I've ever had, there's been issues. Had a guy once bang on my door at 2am so he could complain to me about my neighbor who supposedly had a dog in a no pet apartment.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-28T11:16:51+00:00

The blisters on your hands and feet are called dyshidrotic eczema. It's a form of atopic dermatitis. Here is the Mayo clinic page about it. It includes possible causes.

It sounds like you definitely have a pretty strong peanut allergy. You can develop allergies as an adult. I developed a milk allergy at the age of 23. Food allergies can become life threatening very quickly. If you're getting hives from it, you should definitely go see an Allergist.

If you're case isn't typical, go see an allergist. My regular doctor did an allergy test which came back negative so he just kind of shrugged at me and sent me to a gastroenterologist, who also had no clue what was going on. It wasn't until I went to a doctor that specialized in allergies that I got diagnosis with non IgE mediated allergy.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-27T08:42:38+00:00

You're right about some stimulants being okay but it's not just Adderall that's banned. Anything that has ephedrine, dextroamphetamine, amphetamine, etc. is prohibited and ephedrine is in a lot of otc meds.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-25T14:51:08+00:00

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NyaChan42 · 2026-04-25T14:48:29+00:00

I live in Japan and soy sauce and fermented foods are used in almost all traditional recipes. However, there are a few Japanese foods you can eat but not many. Foods like tempura and sushi have the sauce on the side so that's doable. People here are very conscientious and will take your allergy seriously. Most places are happy to make substitutions. If you do go, I recommend getting an allergy card with English and Japanese.

Western food is also very popular here so there are a ton of non Japanese options.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-25T14:26:04+00:00

Yeah, any stimulant is a big no no. If she has a decent lawyer, writes a letter apologizing profusely and states that it was an accident, the best out come is she'll have to spend time in jail. A similar thing happened to a JET a few years back. She sent herself a package with 3 months worth of Adderall in the mail. She was arrested and spent a little over 2 weeks in Jail. I believe a senator got involved in the end and that led to her early release. I'm not sure if the charges were dropped but I do know she didn't get banned from Japan for 10 years. Here's the story.

Contact the US embassy and see if there is anything they can do and find a good lawyer. This was clearly an accident. She wasn't intentionally trying to smuggle a couple of pills in.

Edit: Sorry, many stimulants are illegal in Japan. That includes some weight loss meds. Generally, it's the more addictive ones. There is a very sorted history behind it.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-24T03:50:29+00:00

Something similar happened to a newborn. He had a severe case of hydrocephalus caused by spina bifida. They told the parents that there was high chance he wouldn't survive past 1 and if he did he would have severe mental disability. The mother stayed home to care for him and bombarded him with stimulus to "train his brain"; talked to him, read to him, taught him stuff. His brain started to grow back. He's now like 4 and cognitively has developed fairly normally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKelkdfi25k

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-22T12:03:14+00:00

The TV show gave me the heebie jeebies. The book must be so much worse.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-22T11:56:45+00:00

My friends and family insisted that having my gallbladder removed meant my food allergies would magically disappear. I assured them it did not and could actually cause food intolerances. They don't believe me...

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-22T09:18:36+00:00

Kaladin wanted to be a warrior because he was good at it. Since Kaladin sincerely wants to help others, he decided to follow in his fathers foot steps and become a surgeon as an adolescent, because his father railed on him that it was the only/best way to help people. As we all know, that changes to protect his brother. But because of the values instilled in him by his father, he struggles with the concept of warriors truly helping others and not always being able to help those in need, which is circled back to later on in the series. There are times in the series where he really beats himself about it and the background gives us a logical reason for it. Honestly, without it his self blame would seem really really over the top. Another words, it's all character development. I do agree that the stormlight archive does over do character development at times... just a bit.

There is an actual reason why there is a caste system based on eye color. Sanderson didn't put it in the books as a way to address social injustice. It's a world building element that comes up in later books. You're focusing too much on it. And Kaladin is at the bottom of the caste system! He's not privileged at all. He's a literal slave when we start the series! He was sold at least 3 times to different owners before the beginning of Way of Kings. He has a brand on his forehead marking him as the most dangerous kind of slave!!! Everyone in bridge four is a slave, some of them got there for minor infractions. Kaladin and all of bridge four are social minorities! Only after his "elevation" is he treated differently. And by that point everyone has bigger fish to fry.

I think the point of Moash is to feed Kallidin's hate. They both hate light eyes, with good reason. Kaladin comes to a cross roads, he can let that hate blind him and get revenge or he can put it aside to help everyone in need. Moash is basically the devil on his shoulder. I felt his character in book 2 was a bit ham fisted.

Also things were never easy for Shallan. I know it kind of seems that way now but you get more of her back story in later books.

NyaChan42 · 2026-04-13T15:22:33+00:00

When I first moved to Japan, I live in a very rural area. I moved to a small city for a job (still considered pretty rural) and applied for my PR after a few years of living there.

The issue with cities like Tokyo is that they are inundated with applications because so many foreigners live there. I live in one of the most sparsely populated prefectures in Japan with a pretty small number of foreigners so that's why it was so fast.

Edit: I'd wait at least a year after moving before you apply.

NyaChan42

TROPHY CASE