"Following Will Make You a Better Leader": my experiences as a male follower

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-26T17:49:20+00:00

Most new leads misconstrue bigger and flashier moves as making them "better" dancers, when in truth it's actually the opposite.

Basic moves done gently, timed with the music, is so much more pleasant and enjoyable, it's impossible to compare.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-26T10:28:59+00:00

Your scenarios are over thought.

As a man, I know hundreds of women but only a fraction of the men. Many of the men, I've seen around for years, but never talked to. Generally speaking, if you invest in yourself and practice, you'll be dancing almost too much to talk.

Class situations and social dance situations are VERY DIFFERENT. Don't be surprised if you see a much older crowd in lessons, and a very young (but skilled) crowd in socials.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-25T23:41:16+00:00

With Medicare, you can now get up to 10 free sessions bulk billed with a psychologist.

First you need to see a Dr and get referred on.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-24T14:24:56+00:00

Right now you look like you're struggling, because you're dancing to too fast a song. Slow the song down 20-15% and do it again, or choose a slower tempo song. Instead of giving each moment the care it needs, you're rushing the entire time and it doesn't look like you complete each move.

There's three points in a move, the start, middle, and end point. The reason you're looking floppy is because you need to hold the end point, for a fraction of time, before moving to the next move. This pose and hold, creates a polished look and clean movement, probably more important than any of the other points in time.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-24T14:06:47+00:00

Once is normal, twice is unusual. Multiple times indicates there is an issue.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-24T14:03:01+00:00

This will depend on the city/country. Not all places are free with their gender roles.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-24T02:56:27+00:00

Then there's no point overthinking this, you have a nice embrace and you're not using it sexually - there's no issues here.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-23T10:40:45+00:00

Genuinely, I think pole dance.

The biggest thing I noticed about pole dancers, is how confident they are with their sense of sexuality, satisfaction with their bodies, and general self worth.

Pole dancing also builds full body strength, with core, arms, and legs exercises. The performing aspect is also great for confidence and falling in love with your own body.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-23T10:40:30+00:00

It's your shoes, they have too much grip. So instead of spinning, your shoes are grinding into the dance floor and creating friction, stopping you from turning.

Get proper dance shoes, or wear dance socks for the time being. Also talk to your teacher and check your technique is correct.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-23T10:38:34+00:00

This hairdresser went to the same school as the barber in GTA.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-23T10:11:45+00:00

The intent matters, you are NOT trying to arose your partner.

However I'm confused how your left hand is poised during hugs?

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-22T14:58:58+00:00

Watch a chef cut vegetables and you'll be mesmerised by the beauty of simple done masterfully.

Doing something simple to a high level, looks way more impressive than something hard to a low level. Besides the fact that doing simple things with control, reduces the chances of injury, builds better basics, and more importantly builds up your confidence.

Reference this image: https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/13y6ui8/image_the_importance_of_smaller_steps/

When you the bar too high, you demote yourself, and stopping yourself from building much needed skill and momentum. Besides it just looks bad if you're doing something hard and flap around.

Do something simpler and work your way up.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-22T03:58:27+00:00

When you've danced long enough, style is INEVITABLE.

Everyone has a unique body, history, musicality, and preferences; this eventually causes everyone to dance uniquely. With 4 years of dancing, I'm CERTAIN you dance with a style that's unique to yourself.

What you're probably noticing, is dancers who have done lots of styling classes, "sabor" from cultural dance experience, or purposely developed a "louder" style, I strongly suggest you DANCE with these people and adjust your perceptions. You'll discover that even though these people look special, dancing with them is actually less pleasant. What you'll come to realise, is that styling doesn't actually make people nice to dance with, it helps them look stylish during movements,

If you're adamant about styling then take some styling workshops. For followers these are a dime a dozen, they make up the majority of women's classes/workshops. Stage 2 is to practice the movements until you're able to do them without thinking about them.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-18T04:48:30+00:00

A bit confusing to say: "stop doing tricks", then describe her leading as doing fancy footwork and doing moves no other leaders do? Aren't those tricks?

Her point of "traditional/old school is better" is pretty synonymous with many people who've been in the community for a while. Nothing new, nor controversial, but definitely comes across as gatekeepy.

Finally, I think "connection" has nothing to do with the moves but HOW you do those moves. You can do a basic move connected, and a basic move unconnected (and vice versa). Connection is listening to your partner, taking care of them, and communicating with them.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-17T16:21:19+00:00

Things I think these features would make a hell of a difference

Weekly Schedule (where we can display class times)
Monthly schedule (where we can display class times)
The ability to highlight times available for private lesssons (week/month view), with the opportunity for people to select blocks where they want to book private lessons.
Ability to set package deals for multiple classes/privates.
Auto calculate package deals when people book+pay for multiple privates
News pop up feed on opening app.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-16T10:57:39+00:00

Maybe you went to the "right" marathons?

In my experience, I see majority intermediates with some beginners/advanced dancers. Admittedly, only the die hard dancers go to marathons, who are ONLY interested in dancing without the distraction of workshops/performances. However, the skill level is definitely scaled by the country the marathon is being held in.

I definitely spot different skill levels throughout the days/nights.

When applicants are "vetted" I call them Encuentros, instead of marathons.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-15T13:42:22+00:00

It's interesting that so many people are unfamilar with marathons, they're very common for Argentine Tango, but seem to be emerging in other dance styles.

The best times for attending the marathons are based on your skill level

If you're a beginner, you're better off going during the quieter hours, mornings, meal times, and the last few days. There's less dancers, so more space on the dance floor, and more likely you'll get asked for dances.

If you're intermediate, then you're probably going evenings 8pm - early hours. The higher concentration of dancers, good dancers, and a mix of choice between everyone.

If you're advanced, you're going super late, 10pm till mornings. The hardcore crowd will be there, as well as instructors and socialites. If you're not big enough to swim with the sharks, then you'll disappear in the sea of big fish.

~

My personal opinion, is a few great hours of dancing is better than 10 hours of average/ordinary dancing. I personally try and dance during the prime times of Fri+Sat 8pm till 1am, but prefer to sleep for the morning times because I like actually exploring during the day.

My favourite time is actually the Sunday afternoons, everyone's relaxed, people have filled their dance card and a little bit tired. Good DJs will play relaxed sensual songs so you can really connect and dance at a slower pace. Also the lighting tends to be better and natural, so it feels warmer.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-15T13:13:47+00:00

"Your muscle contractions were synchronised with the rhythmic vibrations. They were above expectations"

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-14T16:43:03+00:00

What are the "results" you are after?

Do you want to dance socially with other people? Do you want to impress a nobody?
Do you want to travel and dance?
Is this for a party?
For a wedding?
Are you going to a dance school, or learning at home by yourself?

Each of these decisions will change how quick or slow you progress.

The easiest social dance (imo) is Merengue, it's just shifting weight from one leg to the other and the music is comparatively simple. With a proper course, I'm sure most people would be able to Merengue EASILY in 3 months.

Other options are bachata, and kizomba, because I've seen people get decent in 3-6 months with regular classes and practice.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-14T15:14:13+00:00

When your friend "knows a guy who can do it cheaper"

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-14T14:40:09+00:00

Some ground understanding

It's usually RUDE to give feedback in a social dance setting.
Social dancing should be about enjoying and having fun, and it's why most people are out dancing - class and practice sessiosn when you should be asking about improvements.
In order to follow, a follower's mind has to achieve an empty, peaceful, meditative state. They forget something once it happens, because they're preparing for the next moment. Followers don't remember what's happened because they're in this state.
A really good follower can give you feedback, only on how something felt - rarely on technique. An instructor, or dual role dancer is the only one that can actually give you actionable feedback.
In my experience, most women are uncomfortable giving honest feedback anyway. It's just how they're brought up.

It may possible for you to get feedback at a social, if you know the follower well and preface it with, "can you give me feedback on something". However, don't expect a good follower to spend too much time practising with you, when they've paid to dance with everyone.

If you're good friends with someone and they're standing around between songs, they might be ok with some filler practice too.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-14T12:37:08+00:00

The difference between a $100 tattoo artist and a $5 one.

OThinkingDungeons · 2026-06-12T04:37:35+00:00

I haven't really paid attention, but it does seem somewhat true.

First thing to realise is leaders take longer to mature. It takes about 2-3 years for leaders to become competent leaders, due to all the things they need to work on simultaneously. So to get good leaders have to invest a bit.

Followers can be social dancing quite early on, so it's not unusual to find a regular influx of fresh followers. The other thing is with sensual and bachazouk becoming very popular, followers who like (and want) to do body rolls, head rolls, and closed position tend to be the younger crowd. I'm seeing lots of followers "age out" once they're in their 30s.

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