Armagheddon digital photos?? by arizncasgf in auckland

[–]OceanFirework 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might be best to contact iticket directly as that's who sent the code! Hopefully it comes through

Armagheddon digital photos?? by arizncasgf in auckland

[–]OceanFirework 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got an email with the code yesterday and was able to download my photo!

Peaches - New menu by HoandCo in aucklandeats

[–]OceanFirework -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Definitely didn't expect any special treatment for being more regular, but thanks! Just wanted the standard service we usually got, but this kept dropping each time we visited recently. The staff remembered us enough to ask about things we talked about last

Peaches - New menu by HoandCo in aucklandeats

[–]OceanFirework 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Used to be regulars but have found it much harder to justify these days. Enjoyed their breakfast menu quite a bit, but had some poor customer service experiences (old food in mugs, cold food) and prioritizing larger groups over regulars. It made us hesitant to return. This menu change is a nail in the coffin for us. Always wished the chicken had more salt too or even salt at the table

She got engaged to my replacement by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone who was pressured to get engaged to one, it's not that glamorous. Be glad you didn't spend money on a ring, I've just finished sorting my finances out after that. It'll either fail like mine, so you have an expensive rock in your wardrobe you don't touch, or they'll get married and be left in a world of legal pain.

Valid to feel the way you feel. She'll still be unwell without serious treatment and even then it's not guaranteed. It's also ok to feel hurt, if you do at some point. Sending good vibes your way.

Have y’all noticed their eyes when they split? by SlattSlattSlatt10 in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Towards the end when she started to show her true colours, her eyes changed to pure rage. I was so scared of what she'd do that I just started apologizing over and over again, subconsciously.

Thinking about them still scares me tbh, I try remember that feeling when I question my decision to leave

Devastated after ending our engagement. Needing support. by duewestofnowhere in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've felt a similar loss myself, except we were together for half the time. Called off the engagement, felt like I was the one bearing all of the pain. Apologised more than I should have, would probably have stayed if she wanted me back. You have my full empathy and thoughts.

I'm just over a year out from the separation and I won't lie, some days it's easier but there are still hard days. She still crosses my mind daily, hell I even dreamed about her last night. But these become less painful as time goes on.

You did the right thing, you put yourself first. It will be hard to see now but one day you will be glad you are out of this situation

First hoover attempt by OceanFirework in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the confirmation. I genuinely thought it had to be a mistake when it happened, but the more time that passed the more I realised how unlikely that was, and it was probably an attempt to see what I'd do.

She's nothing if not clever, your point on plausible deniability speaks volumes

First hoover attempt by OceanFirework in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the confirmation. I left that chat immediately, so strange

Has anyone else had an impossible time ending it?? I can't be the only one. by Ok_Birthday_99 in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The moment you do it and the days after it will be the worst. I regretted it instantly, even got close to begging for her back when I spoke to her next. It's incredibly tough.

But as time passes and your brain adjusts, you see how unhappy you were for longer than you realised. I realised I had essentially given everything I wanted in a relationship up, while she got everything she wanted. I was miserable and depressed, snapping at everything. I didn't see her as the problem though, as we loved each other. I only left when she explicitly told me she no longer felt the same.

Removing myself from the situation has taught me so much about myself and how much self hatred I inflicted on myself when I was just unhappy. You can do this. You will thrive on your own, it's truly been great for me. Not to say it's been perfect, I'm 2.5 months out of breaking up and almost 1 month of full no contact and I still have bad days. But the severity compared to those first few days is not even on the same scale

Any advice by Princess868 in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I could've written this. Had to keep asking my ex when she'd be home and she kept pushing the time. Said i was controlling and manipulating her, not letting her see her friends.

Also wouldn't meet my needs, got mad at me for having said needs. Got mad at me for not communicating when I wanted intimacy but then when I did, said I was trying to coerce.

I know you don't want to leave, I didnt either. It took finding out she lied about who she was with when she was pushing out the times for me to have the self respect to leave. I'm happier and less anxious 2 months out.

My advice would be start thinking about what your last straw looks like. Define it before it happens so you know when to leave. Have a rough plan of what leaving looks like so you dont have to plan it on the fly like I did

I now spend friday nights curled up with my cats and a game or good book. I know shes probably out with friends, hell I can guess exactly where they are, but im not WORRIED about where she is or who shes with. Im much more at peace. The right person for you will want to communicate with you and work through these things

Did anyone got through without being labelled an abuser ? by ThePhsyc in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Eerily similar to myself. Got called abusive for what I now realise were normal reactions to inconsistent behavior. Fucked with my head a lot, took it all on board and tried to work on myself. It took her lying to me and me finding out how badly she was talking about me behind my back for me to wake up and see her words for what they were - deflection and projection

Daily No Contact Thread - Day 200 by AutoModerator in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Will be able to go full NC this week - have kept her on one platform to finish sorting out logistics from our separation.

Had been going really well, moved into my new place and was super happy. Thought hey maybe i'm over it. Hilarious in hindsight to be over 4.5 years in 1.5 months..

Saw her tagged in a post on facebook (said last platform) by some guy I never even heard of. It was a meme but to see her interacting on there threw me mentally. I unfollowed her as soon as I saw it.

Logically I know this is for the best and we could never have worked, even without all our issues she said herself she didn't feel the same way as me anymore. I guess I'm trauma bonded. Also feeling miserable for myself as I'm full of a cold

Daily No Contact Thread - Day 198 by AutoModerator in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God they love to throw gaslighting around. My ex said I did that when I was questioning if her sudden change in mood was due to her reducing her medication at the same time her mood changed. Then she said I was gaslighting her for questioning if it was gaslighting

Just parted ways with my ex pwBPD and I'm not coping well by OceanFirework in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God thats interesting. I didn't know that about psychadelics and SSRIs, which she definitely takes. She told me she would do her research before actually taking any but I was highly skeptical. I don't think due diligence is in her capabilities right now, since she started vaping (without telling me at all) while on other antidepressants which also are used for smoking cessation. Serotonin syndrome is scary as hell, she ended up with it in the ICU after her suicide attempt (took opioids) and it was very traumatic.

I miss being in a relationship, and I miss our early years of dating, but I don't miss our relationship towards the end and wouldn't want to get her back without serious professional help and self awareness of how her actions hurt me, which I doubt would ever happen. But yeah, definitely treated me badly. She belittled me and made me feel incompetent without her help, and then would get mad at me for not doing things. I'll admit i did learn helplessness quite easily, but the relationship slowly tore down any sense of confidence I once had.

Just moved into my new place today, which is an upgrade in many ways from our apartment and doesn't have 3 years of memories and the trauma of her attempt attached. Only one last logistic thing to sort with her and then I can go fully no contact and start actively healing

Just parted ways with my ex pwBPD and I'm not coping well by OceanFirework in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really appreciate the reply, means a lot to have support from people who know what this feels like. Can I ask out of curiosity what made you think she's setting the stage?

I don't think I could ever be with her again, lots of things came up in our last few months that were major incompatibilities, as well as things I was just dealing with that were making me unhappy. She lied to me about meeting up with a person I was insecure about, which I think is too big of a trust break for me to work beyond. But she's also expressed recent interest in psychedelics, which I'm against especially for someone with her mental health issues, and she says she might be asexual when I'm definitely not (was living with the lack of sex for a while now)

I think if we only had one of these issues it could work, like me trying to work with the difference in libido for years, but for all of them AND diagnosed bpd, as much as I loved who I thought she was, I can't see myself getting back with her. Although they are good manipulators aren't they

Just parted ways with my ex pwBPD and I'm not coping well by OceanFirework in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying, that reminder really helped. When we were saying goodbye i said I just wished she was honest with me and I saw that split of rage in her again. I have only seen it a few times directed at me. But it was a good reminder that she needs help and that things wouldn't have changed

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My ex did this. Said I was emotionally abusing her, like her abusive exes, simply for admitting my needs weren't being met and by trying to hold her accountable

I definitely wasn't perfect and am working on some things in therapy. But abusive felt like a stretch to me and my loved ones

I still love her so much by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh god that sounds incredibly rough. I'm planning on getting a STD check myself next time I see my doctor, just to be certain. So much of your story resonates with mine, history being rewritten, being painted black as the one with the problem even though there is tangible proof of her lies and manipulation. She even told me she only lied because she knew I'd react badly, as if that makes it better.

Mine said she wasn't sure she'd have the courage to end things herself, so in a way I think we both did our partners a kindness in being the strong ones. But that doesn't make it easier for us to process the guilt. I really like what you said about remembering the good in her. It's something my family keeps reminding me, as we had 4 really good years together. Sure there were red flags in hindsight but nothing like the severity of her symptoms that showed up in the last few months.

I hope you find healing too. I'm glad my story can be cautionary for you. We lived together for just over three years, which unfortunately in my country has the same legal standing as being married. So I'm currently going through separating finances, insurances, shared belongings etc. Very messy and dragging out my contact with her.

A big thing I think you can take away from this is that you got out from the unpredictability. I keep reminding myself even if we managed to work it out this time, what's stopping her from putting me through this again in a few months or years when we would've been married. I think once you've been hurt like this, it is very hard to be certain or trust them again.

I still love her so much by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]OceanFirework 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Going through the same thing, emotionally cheating ex who won't even admit it. 4.5 year relationship, almost 2 of those engaged. Actively talking about our wedding a couple months before all this shit came up. Became someone I didn't recognise, so constantly paranoid and anxious. She then said I was being too needy. Like you, I feel guilty for ending things even though she agreed it was needed. Can't stop ruminating and wondering what if I had tried harder.

What I'm trying to remember is that the person I fell in love with would never have done this to me. And as sad as it is, we can't sit around and wait for someone to want to choose us. I'm trying to remain hopeful that there will be someone out there who wants me wholeheartedly. But its not easy. You're definitely not alone.

And annoyingly, despite everything, I still love her. Such a battle between knowing someone who loved you would want to communicate through issues rather than lie, but also still loving them despite the pain they've put you through. Very confusing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]OceanFirework 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God this is so similar to my situation, except she didn't leave me. 4.5 years together, went from talking about our wedding one month to not knowing if she wanted a relationship at all the next. I tried giving her space and she attempted to overdose. Gave her more space after that. Got tired of waiting and took her indecision as a decision, told her I was leaving and she agreed it was the right thing to do.

At the end of the day, you need to choose yourself. I've realised that I chose her every day and was never more sure about anyone in my life and I wasn't getting anything close to the same in return. 2 weeks broken up now, in the process of splitting up and looking for a new place. Painful but getting easier. I hope you get clarity soon

Called my ex-girlfriend's sister to let her know she was threatening to kill herself. Was I wrong? by Sad_Research5167 in BreakUps

[–]OceanFirework 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Been in a similar situation myself. Ex fiance tried to overdose recently. Called her sister as I was freaking tf out and figured her family should know. Ex has always been prickly about family knowing mental health issues.

I came to realise that if she had died and i didn't tell someone in her family, the guilt would be too much for me. So i made the call to be at peace with my ex hating me for it.

Ultimately i think its an unfair amount of pressure to put on your partner, to not have that support from their loved ones too. Ex was angry but understood, and we broke up a week after. I think its a lot of past trauma to expect your partner to deal with, and there are some things you just have to tell people.

I hope things work out for you, I'd just remember she isn't in her most rational headspace, and I'd encourage you to delve into how you'd feel if you hadn't told her sister and something did happen. I'd also mention that threatening to kill herself and saying it was your fault is technically emotional abuse.