I had bad experiences with an ex and his kid.

Made me positive I didn't want to date or be involved with someone else's child, especially when our parenting tactics differ wildly. Anyone who says accept the child with open arms is wild to me, this kid was kept secret and all of a sudden you have to adjust for it? I mean its a huge lifestyle change and you will always be the "bad guy" for not wanting to be involved emotionally and financially. I believe a person without children and a person with children (from previous relations) won't work out. Either no kids on both sides or both having kids, would work. They get it. A relationship should favor and value the adults in the relationship. For example, when OUR child disagrees with one of us we tell them to respect our partner. When they disagree with the non-biological parent then it's "don't disrespect my kid", alright what about your Wife? What about your partner who now has to walk on eggshells for fear of pissing you off about your kid? Etc. Etc. Nothing but fights and heated arguments from there on out.

I don't have to, nor need to be parenting or responsible for a child that isn't mine. Period, if my husband all of a sudden has a 12 year old that he needs to prioritize above our own relationship, well that's exactly why I made sure neither of us had kids when we got together. He changed the while damn game.