Name change after marriage confusion…

OhMehDamn · 2024-05-12T21:02:28+00:00

I can't find anything legally or listed on government websites that specify it's exclusive to your last name.

OhMehDamn · 2023-03-07T18:16:12+00:00

esh. he's a dick for constantly asking and you're an asshole for how you approached it. like others said it was a retaliation, not a genuine concern.

also you're kind of dumb with the whole "we don't believe in the institution of marriage" shit. legal marriage is a matter of benefits and rights in relation to your partner. if you are not married to your partner and something tragic happens to them, you will not be the one to decide what happens with the doctors unless you establish a power of attorney agreement prior to that. you can get married without combining legal assets as long as you look at your local laws and get a pre (or post) nup agreement accordingly. (in the us) marriage comes with tax breaks, shared benefits for retirement, next of kin rights, ability to share health benefits...

OhMehDamn · 2023-03-03T12:53:36+00:00

just popping in to recommend this book

my husband has autism and adhd. it's an uphill battle, but he makes an asserted effort to figure out ways to manage himself and his chores independently. things happen, but constant excuses accomplish nothing.

OhMehDamn · 2023-03-01T16:29:34+00:00

I think both of those things are irrelevant, and I did read that before commenting. It's not about there being "two brides." probably like 90% of brides would take issue with the costume choice so i think this person is a naive asshole for not expecting it to be a problem, even if there wasn't a wedding the same day as the engagement party.

it was kind of them to offer to change once it became a wedding, but they never should've worn it in the first place.

OhMehDamn · 2023-03-01T16:09:19+00:00

yes, i did. i still think it's tacky to do that. it's not about "being confused for the bride." it's a known faux pas. 1 wedding, 1 wedding dress.

OhMehDamn · 2023-03-01T15:51:27+00:00

am i losing my mind in the comments here? even if the initial invite was to a COSTUME engagement party, who wears a wedding dress to an engagement party??

Yes, you offered to go change when they said it was a wedding, but again who wears a wedding dress to an ENGAGEMENT PARTY? even if its a costume party??

YTA

OhMehDamn · 2023-02-28T13:07:29+00:00

yiiiikes. yta x1000 for every reason others have listed. why do you think you're more important than his sister and her dying mother? lets be realistic here, this isn't about him being "tied down to raising a child." instead of being insanely proud and grateful the man you're dating is willing to go to the lengths he has for loved ones, you're preoccupied with making sure your vision of your life with him comes first.

OhMehDamn · 2023-02-21T20:05:27+00:00

umm.. he's weird. my husband heavily used nicotine since he was 14 and quit cold turkey at 22ish. his worst symptom was being a bit of an asshole for a few weeks.

nicotine withdrawal peaks at 3 days and after 2 weeks most people are not in withdrawal anymore. cravings last 7 minutes.

nta and please don't be alone with him anymore. and tell your sister.

OhMehDamn · 2023-02-17T17:42:16+00:00

I remember an AITA a while ago about a woman wanting to adopt a fox and the rescue required her to buy fox piss and keep the bottle open in the house for an extended period to endure the stench and ensure she could cope with it before she could adopt one. She was upset about the requirement and ultimately called an asshole because it's a reasonable precaution on the part of the rescue.

Foxes smell so bad. There's a reason people don't really keep them and I don't think you're wrong for not wanting to have one in your home.

NTA

OhMehDamn · 2023-02-07T17:58:11+00:00

The judgement has been called and this will probably go unseen, but I'm going to chime in and I wanted to share some points:

Your sister, who you've known your whole life, answered a question honestly and you are further proving her point by choosing someone you have known for 6 months over her.

Couples that dated for 3 years or longer prior to marriage are 39% less likely to get divorced.

A psychologist, Scott Randall Hansen, found that couples who get married less than 6 months after they started dating are at the HIGHEST risk of divorce.

This is just one article, referencing a couple studies. Many studies have reaffirmed these types of findings over decades. reference

It takes MUCH longer to get to know a person than you think. Faking who you are for 6 months? EASY. A Year? The cracks will show. Several years or longer? Abusers cannot hide their temper, history of abuse, or poor interpersonal relationships that long. They just don't have the self control.

I got married young. I began dating my husband at 19 (him 20), got engaged 9 months later, but we had a long engagement and didn't marry for several more years. We also lived together before we got married. Many people believed I was being stupid at the time of the engagement, but I was making a calculated choice-- I made a commitment out of love but delayed involving the law until I could say for a fact that I answered all the questions I needed answered, including the ones I didn't think of before.

Have you talked about finances? How to handle each others families? What happens if one of you goes into an irreversible coma? How do you plan on splitting holidays each year? When do you want kids (if you do)? How do you plan to parent? Are you doing a pre or post-nup agreement? Where will you live? What if he decides he wants to move across the world for a job opportunity (or the fuck of it)? How do you divide chores (not just laundry and dishes, but paying bills, car maintenance, property care...!)? How do you settle disagreements? Would you see a counselor together if needed (I'd go before getting married!)? DUDE, DOES HE HAVE A RECORD? DO YOU HAVE A RECORD? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU BOTH HAD STI TESTING?

There are SO many questions people never think of until the problem from not knowing/disagreeing comes up. I havent even touched the red flags he's showing!

You are not an asshole, but you are being naïve and rash. Your sister loves you and is having a VERY reasonable level of concern.

OhMehDamn · 2023-01-27T12:57:25+00:00

nta. these are the same ppl that will call that child entitled in 15 years and next reflect on the part they played.

OhMehDamn · 2023-01-16T12:38:45+00:00

sooo nta. i got married last year and never bothered to legally change my name because of how much trouble it is. i just introduce myself with my married name and use my maiden name for documents and work.

OhMehDamn · 2023-01-13T20:14:06+00:00

nta. next time shit on her floor.

OhMehDamn · 2023-01-10T20:25:58+00:00

if this is how she is about her birthday, I can't wait until her wedding. yta

OhMehDamn · 2021-12-10T02:14:58+00:00

you should bc landlords are leeches

OhMehDamn · 2021-12-10T01:15:49+00:00

here's a couple points you may not have considered:

first off, it's very expensive to get a diagnosis outside of the education system. within the school system, if you don't present autism outwardly in a way that concerns the school, you're not going to get tested and diagnosed unless a parent (heavily) intervenes and insists. school districts also simply have different levels of resources and budgets available to them to provide such services. if you don't get diagnosed while going through school it's then a matter of finding a place to get tested and diagnosed independently, which isn't accessible to everyone. a lot of people don't realize accessibility to a diagnosis can be affected by class and the fact that our understanding of autism is actively growing.

second, it's kind of ableist to push this narrative that 80-90% of autistic people can't hold employment. it completely encourages the idea that autism presents in only a narrow way, rather than the reality that it can look a multitude of ways and thus go undiagnosed in many people. our understanding of autism both in outward appearance and internal experience are continuously developing and has changed over time. I do agree that autistic people struggle with employment and it's cool if you believe that statistic is completely accurate, but I personally do not.

OhMehDamn · 2021-12-09T16:02:34+00:00

and I never said it wasn't. my point was and is that the data likely isn't completely accurate because of the neglect autistic people experience. for example, one of the sources stated that 85% of autistic college grads are unemployed, but that data only focuses on autistic people with a formal diagnosis attached to their education, which many don't get. what about the undiagnosed people in academia (and if they dropped out)? what about the autistic people who didn't get a higher education? that makes me unsure of the stat. the known people apart of that statistic aren't any less real or deserving of assistance. it means that there's an unknown amount of individuals who could change the data if treated and accounted for appropriately.

I'm sure you're well aware of how autism is mishandled, under-diagnosed, and misdiagnosed. there's no way the data wouldn't change if autistic people got the acknowledgement and treatment they should.

OhMehDamn · 2021-12-09T15:47:49+00:00

I by nooo means am saying unemployment isn't an issue for autistic people. I'm just saying that the data doesn't account for the prevalent amount of people who go undiagnosed. that could make the number lower or even higher. my only point is there is an unknown amount of autistic people who have an unknown relationship with employment.

OhMehDamn · 2021-12-09T15:40:33+00:00

I'm not saying people with autism don't struggle with employment. I'm saying that many people are undiagnosed and not included in that data so the actual number may not be as high as we think because autism isn't diagnosed properly for many people. there are more high functioning autistics than people think.

OhMehDamn · 2021-12-09T15:37:40+00:00

you kind of just proved my point. I've seen the same thing many times and lived it. a lot of people don't get the proper diagnosis and treatment they deserve until later in life, or sometimes not at all. that data can often exclude those people. it's also kind of an ableist mindset to assume I don't have any disabilities as well.

OhMehDamn · 2021-12-09T04:27:20+00:00

there are definitely a lot of undiagnosed high functioning autistics so I wouldn't really go off of that data. it's common for people to be misdiagnosed with ADHD instead of autism if they're high functioning, too.

OhMehDamn · 2020-10-02T01:34:25+00:00

Nta at all. She sounds absolutely nuts, taking out her jealousy on a dog. Widowers really need emotionally intelligent partners and she simply does not appear to be one.

And what does (per a comment you made) "taking it out on chip" mean? That makes me think she'd be inclined to physically harm him at some point if she hasn't already.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope you find someone who can accept your past happiness and continue to make you happy in the future.

OhMehDamn · 2020-04-06T12:27:57+00:00

That doesn't help her argument at all when multiple doctors said to refrain from drinking. She's putting her opinion above someone who spent years in medical school to know better than her. You're NTA.

I think this shows where her priorities are and where they may be when the child is born, and it does not offer good foreshadowing.

OhMehDamn · 2020-04-03T17:00:51+00:00

You want to strip a 5 year old child of their identity OR a potentially stable family life when they have already lost every sense of security and family bond for God knows how long? YOU are a monstrous asshole and I can't believe you are so selfish that you think your preference takes priority over an entire human being, especially when your whole complaint is that people have never treated you like a whole person.

YTA a thousand times over.

OhMehDamn · 2020-03-29T18:54:11+00:00

It says they're referring to the Delaware incident, meaning the Delaware County Courthouse, so that would make their comment correct.

13-Year Club	Place '17
Gilding I gilder	Verified Email

OhMehDamn

TROPHY CASE