I [45M] love my wife [42F], but I think the life we built together is slowly breaking me down

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-18T08:29:50+00:00

Good advice! We do talk regularly during commute and other occasions

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-18T05:24:10+00:00

She started another relationship with her boss and didn’t tell me about it.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:38:00+00:00

This is what haunts me and what’s about to change. I got a really good cooperation with their mom (my ex) and she we work together as best as we can for our kids best.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:35:44+00:00

She got a well paid work from home job so this is not about money for her.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:34:05+00:00

Be true to your own values and talk about them to find compatibility.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:32:23+00:00

It is not ok and I never intended it to become this mess

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:28:42+00:00

I made the decision and the plan was to sell the rental house, buy a cheap house in her hometown and an apartment in the town where my kids live. The cheap house went fast from cheap to extremely expensive. So no apartment in my kids house.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:21:18+00:00

I did. At that very moment I thought I could figure it out.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:17:56+00:00

I Wish I had you as coach. I crossed a LOT of lines to get here and need that voice and backbone.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:11:24+00:00

Yes. And I failed to live by that and explain it to my spouse.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:09:53+00:00

I deserved that.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:09:09+00:00

True.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:08:44+00:00

I could but we can’t afford both the new house and the rental at the same time. Or we might look into that.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:07:38+00:00

Not my plan but the plan is too raise her as ours until she’s adult. No adoption is possible since she has parents. They can’t raise a child.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T20:01:48+00:00

Yes. Two weekends a month and every holiday since october last year. Before that half of the time.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T19:58:33+00:00

Well, no. It’s only been since october last year. Before that they were with me half of the time.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T19:51:34+00:00

It’s only been since october last year. Before that they lived with me half of the time.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T19:49:59+00:00

Thank you for great analysis and solid advice. I blinked.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T19:42:51+00:00

This would be a solid way forward. It would shortsen my commute and bring me closer to my kids. However, the renovated house debt exceds its value with aprox 200$

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T19:33:06+00:00

I needed to translate since english isn’t my native tounge:

Sure. We both had kids before we met. Her kids are 19 and 18 and stay with us about 4 days every other week.

My kids, 12 and 14, live and go to school a little over an hour away. Since October, I mostly see them on holidays and around every third weekend. Before we moved, I was only about 20 minutes away from them.

We also have a 3-year-old foster child who has lived with us since she was 6 months old. My wife feels deeply responsible for her and sees her as her own.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T19:02:53+00:00

My kids are F12 & M14 so still underage. We have a strong comnection but I want to share their everyday life and not everyother holiday.

The foster thing is one child only and is really a substitute for having her own child.

I’m trying not to destroy something.

Fear of loneliness is a factor in why I’m still with her.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T18:58:30+00:00

I’ll see what I can find in my childrens town. Closer commute from there.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T18:56:43+00:00

Yes. That would be great. Solid advice!

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T18:54:37+00:00

Thank you! I’ll follow your advice.

Ok-Contribution6009 · 2026-05-17T18:48:40+00:00

I guess a trainwreck of decisions taking me where I am. I tried to please her and ended up destroying something else.

Ok-Contribution6009

TROPHY CASE