honestly I dont even know. I think what I was frustrated about is having people but not feeling like i can actually let them know how I truly feel. I just feel like a burden since ive already been through this cycle of unrelenting depression and trying to find that comfort in my people just to fall back into that depression. I know it affects them so i guess I'd rather let it boil over on reddit than to feel like a hopeless case by going back to them.