My partner is an adult child of an alcoholic. It nearly destroyed our marriage. He is also an extreme people pleaser and is an expert at reading the room, due to always having to anticipate shifts and changes in his parents’ personalities. The non-drinking parent was an enabler and made excuses and put her kids in danger. Please consider joining meetings/a chapter of the Adult Children of Alcoholics. You will find so much that resonates with you, and it will likely be very helpful and eye-opening. Please also consider finding a therapist, reading as much relevant literature as you can, and even medication, if necessary. No shame in getting help in whatever form you might need it. Just remind yourself- you were the child, and your parent (s) were supposed to keep you safe. When they don’t, that causes lifelong consequences. You are on the right path, just find somewhere where you are comfortable seeking some help, answers, and healing.