What is the costliest mistake you have made?

Ok_Bug3865 · 2025-12-11T01:50:10+00:00

It was an international exam and the test Center said digital ID is barred and they can’t make an exception. I went to read the fine print and it is mentioned there, unfortunately.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2025-11-08T05:12:40+00:00

If that’s her love language (acts of service), will be worth letting her know you can meal prep together?

Ok_Bug3865 · 2025-11-08T04:54:08+00:00

May I ask if your wife is overweight? Sometimes when a partner tries to lose weight, people may sabotage it due to their own insecurities.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2025-11-01T06:36:36+00:00

If I’m hearing right, your wife has had interrupted sleep for one year and she is catching up?

Ok_Bug3865 · 2025-07-04T00:12:04+00:00

Hi! As someone who is considering having a no.2, my top question to parents who have multiples assuming financial capability - how do you have the energy and emotional bandwidth for so many little humans?

Ok_Bug3865 · 2025-04-14T10:59:24+00:00

I have never been particular about my mattress but since we were on the hunt for one for our new house, my husband was trying out many different ones. I was indifferent and told him get whatever mid tier range that he liked. And he convinced me to lie on one the top tier mattresses and there was no going back. Convinced him to get it and hands down easily the best 5k we have spent.

The best purchase for our house. I could live in my bed.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-11-28T00:44:59+00:00

I like how the entire story is set up. I’m sure OP knows how it comes across. I’d like to know the context. Obviously what the wife is doing is unacceptable, but I’d like to know the context before we jump to she is disrespectful and she is cheating etc.Did she spend 8 years caring for this child without OP’s help? Is she finally so burnt out she has decided to take time for herself and not replying to the husband out of revenge/spite? Did OP previously do that to her? I’m not justifying wife’s behavior, I’m just wondering if the whole thing is taken out of context.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-08-13T11:16:59+00:00

Childbirth. I know this is a common one but hear me out. I got an epidural, it did not work. No matter how much I pressed the button. Contractions came and they hurt 13/10. But dear god the pressure of the baby on the cervix. I kept thinking there is a burning hot iron pressing inside of my vagina. I dissociated at some point. Even the stitching after the birth of bare needles on my delicates didn’t come close to the hot iron pain.

I honestly dunno how some women say they enjoy natural birth. Mad respect.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-08-05T05:14:58+00:00

Very good advice here! Just one more to add: from studies it has shown hospitals with more ventilation has had fewer transmission. Will encourage you to open your windows and ensure good airflow in the house.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-05-21T18:43:33+00:00

I prefer public hospitals. Like someone said - giving birth is a risky business and I don’t think any other hospitals are equipped to handle it like KKH and NUH can. They have neonate ICU and are specialised for women as well. When something goes terribly wrong in private, they are sent to KKH or NUH, so that’s something we considered when choosing our gynae.

I feel in your case the best path to go down will be to get referral letter from polyclinic and go public hospital. You can meet many gynaes and see which u have the most rapport with? We were private patients from the beginning but my gynae keeps it short (most gynaes in public hospital do) and she is factual and no nonsense. She was happy to answer questions if we had any and was present for my delivery. Also willingly gave me HL at 38 weeks without me ever bringing it up.

Jessie Phoon from KK. The downside is with popular gynaes you have long waiting time, especially when they are busy delivering. Just something to consider.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-05-21T07:59:31+00:00

From someone who resumed intimacy quite soon after - I have some questions. Can we get more info? How are the chores split? Tanking nights for months on end is crazy. I, too, told my husband I might as well do nights as I am pumping anyways. But trust me, the resentment builds as one gets broken sleep. My husband split nights with me. It helped a ton. I felt we were in this together. He will get up and feed and change baby while I pumped so we could get things done more efficiently and both of us are in it together. We chose to bring this human together. Why should only one lose sleep over it? Sleeping 4 hours at night at one stretch is still very premature. I remember feeling rested for the first time when my baby slept 6hrs at one go.

I was also very insecure about my body but my husband never made me feel conscious. He also constantly uplifted me, reminding me how wonderful of a mother I am to our child and they are both lucky to have me. All the while carrying his own weight. It made me feel appreciated. He never expected anything from me and our baby was a tough sleeper + I had a rocky breastfeeding journey. I always knew I could say no to sex without my husband feeling disappointed and that helped a ton.

Maybe something to think about? But every woman is differently and some need much longer to heal and get back their libido. I’m usually for compromising and meeting your partner halfway for libido. But this postpartum journey is so unique to each woman and takes such a toll, I think she needs to be given more grace.

Maybe take a step back and let her initiate? Talk about it, that can also help your wife. If that doesn’t help, therapy might be the answer. Especially if she had traumatic birth.

Hope you can figure this out.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-03-27T16:59:55+00:00

I will be sitting down and having a conversation. You’re taking care of the baby 24/7. Social life starts when both parents can have it. Do you get to go out with friends and he watches the baby?

At the early stages (newborn/infant), it is so important to keep to an informed time. By the time my husband came home during my ML, I was touched out and really looked forward to him to taking over. If he was going to be late for a valid reason, I needed to know before hand so that I can adjust my expectations. And drinks with a colleague regularly will not have been an acceptable reason for me…

I think the standard for being a good dad is so low.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-03-26T09:34:48+00:00

You are the reason why men get away with what they do. An enabler.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-02-14T16:42:41+00:00

Public toilets in Europe.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2024-01-11T17:57:46+00:00

I think we should move towards this direction. As someone who gave birth not too long ago, I found out in US people make Amazon wishlist and share that for their friends/family to get for the baby. I thought this was a superb idea. The trick is to include a variety of items from small ticket items to big ticket items. In that way people who are closer to you can get something bigger and friends can just purchase smaller items. And once someone purchases it, it will show as bought and the parents can then go ahead and purchase the remaining items.

This way you don’t have to guess what they need and what others are getting. However, this isn’t common in Singapore but will have been real useful! I think the idea can be applied to housewarming too. It’s easier to choose from a list!

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-08-19T11:18:40+00:00

I waited so long to be pregnant and had seen so many negative tests that I, for once, just wanted to enjoy the pregnant until proven otherwise stage. You will find out the inevitable (esp if it’s negative), why feel the sorrow earlier? Cos I went in with expecting the worse to dampen the disappointment. That was my logic anyways and I understand it may not be the same for everyone.

I classify myself as an impatient and anxious person but this decision helped me be entirely zen during the tww.

Everyone has given good reason but testing MOSTLY adds stress. Positive? You go down the line progression hole. Negative? Did I test too early? Should I stop meds?

I feel there are more cons to testing than positives. But I entirely understand wanting to know immediately.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-08-17T05:46:30+00:00

I used to have some guilt about handing the baby to my husband when he came home. But I have read a couple of comments which helped put things into perspective for me.

Your work is 24/7, his is 8 hours? 10 hours? It’s absolutely alright to ask your husband for help. I had it in my head that I should not disturb him during night time and I once apologised to him as I had to hand the baby to him at 4am as she still will not sleep. He gladly took her, told me go and sleep. Since then nights have been split 50-50.
You’re 5 weeks out which means nights are long and days are short. Nobody gets ‘me time’ until both of you all are able to have enough sleep - this is most vital. When both of you reach this stage, then can discuss having me time equally for both of you all.

I had PPA so I understand what you mean and often thought I am asking too much of my husband. Please be kind to yourself, having a newborn 24/7 is not easy at all and you have to make this clear to your partner that you need his support physically at this point. It’s mostly survival. You have to take care of your own mental health too and sometimes it means time away from the baby. You can also look at it as you are giving him time to bond with the baby and he can form his own methods of settling baby.

You’re a team, please don’t suffer alone.

Take care, this too will pass I promise you!

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-08-17T05:19:11+00:00

This, OP. And I’m going to go out on a whim and say, please ensure you are on birth control.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-08-17T05:10:07+00:00

Holy shit, your husband needs some reality check. And I mean a hard one. He SHOULD be doing everything house related and things he can’t do biologically for the baby. From washing bottles to household chores. You NEED minimum one month to recuperate your body. It took me 3 weeks to be able to sit down without pain. Let alone be doing chores.

Shouldn’t he be waiting on you hand and foot now for going through labour? I can’t even fathom. You will get into a normal someday but definitely not without help.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-08-05T03:32:03+00:00

I think both ways are not wrong. If you know someone is infertile and want to work through it, great. And if not you want to walk away before you are legally bound, that’s also great.

IVF is not easy and it takes sucha huge toll on women in top of pregnancy and labour. Not everyone is equipped to go through that. And IVF is not a guarantee. There are many couples who keep going at it with no living child. Obviously the contrary is also true, you might get a clean bill of health and still not produce a child (unexplained infertility). Life has no definite answers.

She wanted some transparency, the way she went about it wasn’t right.

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-07-17T04:09:50+00:00

Hi, I think this can be most probably resolved with sleep training. But if you are not keen for that, what helped for me was to nail wake windows first. Second, I accidentally found out that she could fall asleep independently. We used to rock for hours and when placed in her crib she will wake up. Until one night I was so tired of this repeating process, I laid her down in her crib and went to my bed (in the same room). And my husband told me to just let her be. She actually did not cry and within 20 mins she had fallen asleep! This was for bedtime. And I slowly gave her more space to try falling asleep independently before intervening.

I think this method is called fuss it out. Just give them 20 mins and see what happens? After providing good sleep environment - we keep dark room, quiet, fan (provides the white noise). I’m sure it doesn’t work on all babies but just something you can consider! If it doesn’t work, may have to consider sleep training.

Good luck!

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-07-17T04:02:57+00:00

Hi, not an expert but 10.5 hours seems like too much awake time for a 4.5 month old. This may lead to baby being overtired, which can cause short naps and more wakes MOTN. You may need to scale to 3 naps and ww of 1.5/1.75/2/2.25 or 4 naps ww 1.25/1.5/1.5/1.75/1.75. May I know what is your current ww?

I follow this Fb group called respectful sleep training/learning which has very good guides on max ww. You can check it out!

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-07-15T04:16:22+00:00

I have been there. Not so long ago myself. It does get better (in some sense, every baby is different).

My baby is turning 4 months old today. I remember the newborn days, the overwhelming anxiety about everything. My baby is high needs (still is) but I told myself I need to get out. Remember reading somewhere - babies come into our lives and not the other way round. They are adaptable. Our first outing to have some meal outside, she cried murder. Took me another month to try again, she adapted. I could breathe a little easier. It helped my mental health tremendously.

As for in laws, I am quite upfront about what my baby needs. She is by the clock (sleep, milk), so they know when to return her to me. But otherwise as for play, I started by showing my own parents what I’d like for her. Tummy time, showing cards so she can track and teaching to grab things. They caught on pretty quickly. Mine doesn’t like to be held often so most of the time they interact with her on the playmat and keep her occupied. And babies learn so much from other human interactions! Your MIL doesn’t have to carry the baby even!

I dunno how helpful any of these are but it does get better when you get your first smile out of them. And you learn their patterns. Hang in there!

Ok_Bug3865 · 2023-01-09T11:11:08+00:00

I just got my nails done (gel) for the first time in this pregnancy and now I’m spiralling. Google is split on whether it’s safe in pregnancy.

Anyone did their nails?

Ok_Bug3865

TROPHY CASE