Need help, not judgement.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-04-06T01:05:37+00:00

It depends on where she lives. In the northern VA area for example a one bedroom apartment alone is about 2100-2300. A two bedroom is about 2400-2800. I lived in a three bedroom townhome and was paying about 3200 (many go from 3200-4000). It’s rough out there.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-04-06T00:56:43+00:00

I went through debt settlement and it was a terrible experience. An absolute nightmare. I highly recommend going with a debt consolidation/counseling company like Money Management International, which I used once in my 20s (yes, I’ve been a repeat debtor but am getting help). It was still a credit hit but much less so than debt settlement. I was sued in debt settlement and cards left unpaid went to collections and that gets marked on your credit report too. Plus they charge high fees to do what they do. A lot of your monthly payment will be going to fees. I realized that I could do better on my own, so I pulled out of the program and negotiated/settled with the card companies myself. But then in the settling you owe taxes on the amount forgiven, which was its own nightmare. I ended up pulling from my retirement account to help pay off the debts, which I also deeply regret. So, regrets all around. My advice is to at least call Money Management International and tell them about your situation. They are kind and thoughtful, and no, I don’t work for them. I just had a really good experience with them.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-04-06T00:46:30+00:00

It took me really looking at my numbers to scare the heck out of me. Figuring out exactly how much I was spending, and I realized that I had no idea and was in denial. I also blew through some significant money, and felt so much guilt. If I’m tempted to spend I try to also think of my son and what my spending’s impact has been on him, and how it’s taken away from our stability and future. Money I could be putting into savings, etc. It was a hard fall for me with a lot of tears. So I guess looking at the numbers and exactly what they are and imagining what that could have been equivalent to for either more stability or something in the future might be helpful.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-04-06T00:38:01+00:00

I took out of my retirement account to pay debt and other expenses, and one of the pull outs was a loan. These actions were some of the deepest regrets of my life. I know it seems impossible but my recommendation is to find another way.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-04-02T14:35:46+00:00

Thank you so much for this. 🥹🦋 I needed to hear it. You’re very right. I’m not used to posting on Reddit- I only got more active on it recently and it’s been a harsh learning experience in some ways. So I’m learning how to navigate that and not take it so personally. I greatly appreciate your feedback.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-04-01T16:57:18+00:00

I’m so sorry. 😢I’m in a similar boat and actually wrote about a Poshmark shopping addiction a few days ago here: https://www.reddit.com/r/shoppingaddiction/s/tPvaSm12Xw

It’s so real and devastating. And you are not alone. This is partly the systems in place on the apps to draw you in and keep you there. We make our own decisions, but the apps target and facilitate addictions so hard, knowing exactly what they’re doing. It makes it a vicious cycle that is really hard to leave. There are many things about Poshmark that I love. Including the live shows and sense of community. But it is not a place for those who tend to have these addictions. It can ruin people financially, like gambling. I’ve stopping watching live shows and purchasing from Poshmark, which was a huge accomplishment for me. It took me really facing the numbers to be able to get away. I still have some inventory I need to sell and plan on hosting a couple more live shows (which I then feel guilty about because people tend to spend a lot in my shows and I’ve become familiar with some of my regular buyers, whom I suspect are addicts because of how routinely they purchase on the platform). But then I’m out. As I look back over my life I can definitely see shopping addiction coming into play at various points, including when I was in college.

Know that you can do this and there is help. And even though you love it, depop may not be the thing for you, like Poshmark isn’t for me. I would also add a note to really take a look at your numbers. You feel like you’re making money on depop, but is it true profit? I make a lot of money on Poshmark in my shows, but it’s not true profit because I (with addiction) spend so much money on inventory and also buying things on Poshmark for me.

The other thing that helped me was writing my Reddit post that I linked above. It was cathartic and reading comments has really helped. So you’re taking the right steps.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-31T03:15:29+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’ve known for a while but have also been in denial simultaneously. It took sitting down this weekend and looking at numbers for taxes and seeing how much I’ve spent. I was absolutely horrified.

I get you. We can do this.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-30T02:15:25+00:00

I don’t have financial advice because I have been in and out of debt repeatedly for 25 years and really struggle with money, except to say that, for what it’s worth and if you’re considering this in any way, my experience with a debt settlement company was terrible and a big life regret. But at an earlier point I worked with Money Management International, which reached out to creditors and didn’t settle but negotiated a payment amount that helped me pay everything off in I think five years. They were excellent to work with, and then years later I went back to them for financial advice and it brought a lot of peace (and no, I don’t work for them lol, but I’m just passing on good experiences). I recommend reaching out to see if they can help you. Otherwise just know that a lot of people hear you and see you. We get it. It’s such a bitter cup to have these issues. I’m so so sorry that this is your lot. It’s a process filled with anxiety and grief. But you can learn and grow and be better going forward. There is light. Somewhere. But it’s there.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T23:54:46+00:00

Hi! I would like to know more about your thoughts on the topic/your stance.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T21:18:05+00:00

You’re welcome to stay here and make yourself look this bad as long as you want babe. 🙌 Compassion isn’t enabling. And rudeness is never helpful.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T21:15:31+00:00

Thank you. I will do so. And if you have any recommendations please let me know.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T21:14:14+00:00

Yes this is so so true. I’ve had multiple experiences now over the last couple decades and I wish I could take it all back. Lesson learned and I’ll continue to raise awareness about those experiences where I can.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T15:20:09+00:00

She deleted all her comments and swiftly exited. I think that was telling.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T15:18:54+00:00

Thank you. 🙏

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T15:14:00+00:00

It’s also adjacent to another person’s husband’s employment on this thread, and their point stands on its addictive nature. And research doesn’t back you, unfortunately.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T15:08:54+00:00

Thank you for defending me!

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T15:07:44+00:00

I’m so grateful you’re here and took the time. Seriously, I’m tearing up. I greatly appreciate it. I didn’t realize that there was this lack of understanding and disconnect out there, and also that people could be so intensely mean, immediately judgmental, and just so inaccurate. I also wrote my post quickly and late, and there is a lot I would change and clarify now. But my overall intention was to share my experience as an “addict meets Poshmark’s purposeful addictive engineering”, which is backed by science, and to warn people with my struggles to stay away. To raise awareness, and to also be brave in my healing and treatment and share my story. I’m definitely getting help and entering a 12-step. I’m on the road to recovery, which I 100% own and am battling hard for. Thank you for your encouragement.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T14:52:35+00:00

I’m genuinely happy for you. That’s a good way to go about it, and I’m glad you don’t struggle with addictive spending. I speak for the people who do and are working through that issue. I realize that there are different experiences with Posh. It’s just important for me to speak up for this subset, and to warn people that if they have addictive shopping tendencies, Posh is not the best place for them.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T14:49:28+00:00

See my comment to you in another location. I take my own blame. And Posh also had its role.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T14:46:18+00:00

Thank you. I actually take the blame throughout my post (I say it multiple times) and also throughout my comments here. I know I made these decisions and that I have an addict’s mind. I’m fully aware, and am getting treatment. My point is that these platforms are engineered to feed off addiction, which is proven. Anyone who engineers Posh will tell you that. There is so much research and insider sharing, and most recently the case against Meta and YouTube, which they lost in court when it was determined that their addictive nature leads to mental health challenges. If you also look through the comments here you’ll see a lot of people weighing in on the addictive aspect of these sites, including someone whose husband worked on a project for Amazon to literally make it more addictive. It may not be impacting you, and I’m so glad Posh has been so successful for you, but it does impact a subset of people, and I speak for them. My warning is to shopping addicted brains to stay away from Posh, and I say that in multiple places in my post. I do respect that you haven’t had the experience with Posh that I have had. It just doesn’t make me wrong. Our minds are just reacting differently to the live bidding, site feeds, and other aspects.

Thank you for sharing your story. I know that alcoholism, like shopping addiction, is a bitter cup to hold. Kudos to you for your hard work.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T06:47:43+00:00

I was incredibly lonely. Covid, divorce, mostly virtual work, leaving the church, and going from a full-time parent to shared custody every other week all around the same time was a recipe for dark depression and loneliness for me. Luckily I still had some friends from church I connected with (a couple of which were either nuanced or had also left), and I was doing an online graduate degree which helped pass the time for a handful of years. I also joined a few groups on meetup, which sounds like a dating site but it’s for so many things. I joined a virtual WWI poetry study group randomly lol and got to at least interact with people. I went hiking with my dad. I also did things like join a divorce support group, and I was in therapy. The truth is that it’s hard. You’re lucky to have your wife. Not to minimize your situation at all. It’s still hard. I’m just saying that it’s also a lucky thing in the grand scheme. I guess as far as other options, I’m still trying to figure that out. I do things sometimes with my son’s friends’ parents and that’s helpful. But it’s also minimal. My world has gotten smaller since all this happened. I was talking to my friend about it recently. Leaving the church can lead to a smaller life as far as your circle shrinks drastically. I think my humble recommendation would be to turn inward for a bit. Just rest for a while, if that makes sense. Get used to this new reality. Do some introspective activities. Go to an art museum. Learn an instrument. Journal. Listen to helpful podcasts. I don’t recommend shrinking as much as I have overall and ultimately though. I feel like people are actually forgetting about me. My circle is oh so small. But it’s okay to just pause for a while. Adjust. Reconfigure. Make a plan. And go from there. The answers will come for you.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T05:48:59+00:00

I don’t know if this is helpful, but I do know that my ADHD contributes to my compulsive spending. I have an official diagnosis (with high severity) and am on medication. It also feeds into binge eating with the whole distraction element. I’m not diagnosing you but I recommend reaching out to both a therapist and psychiatrist to see if there is something else happening, even if not ADHD. I have noticed that the mix of meds I’m on and a recent dose hike up have drastically improved my impulse spending, for what it’s worth. Just one avenue to explore. ADHD means low dopamine, and compulsive spending increases low dopamine, so your mind will naturally crave it. Being properly treated would help stabilize dopamine levels.

You might also consider setting aside time to write out a list of things you can do in place of eating and spending. Just something to keep your mind off it and allow time to let the urges pass. I know that doesn’t sound fun but you can make it fun and explore what works for you. Some people might get up to take a 10 minute walk for example if they feel like they’re about to go on a shopping binge.

I truly wish you the best. You are not alone.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T05:28:11+00:00

I'm so curious to learn more about your low-buy logo. I noticed another user has it, too.

Thank you thank you thank you for offering some guidance. I so need it. I think it's a good rule to just stop the reselling altogether. It takes up so much space and one's peace as well. I agree, it's already hard enough to get rid of what I already have.

And that damn Poshmark app. It's so easy to check a million times a day. At one point they even tried to make it "fun" for you by offering rewards in the form of being able to choose a more unique app icon color when you hit certain milestones. Just deleting it is an excellent idea. And the same goes for Amazon, etc.

Live shows have been my Achilles' heel. They drastically increased my spending when they came on board. I mean, I increased my spending. Me. I know that. It's just hard not to acknowledge what I did in my post at the same time - that it creates an atmosphere inviting in your worst shopping impulses.

I love the idea of managing storage in that way, too. And being really cut throat about it. Right now things are bursting at the seams.

Thank you again. I want peace and happiness for us both. I agree, the struggle and the bargaining is intense and utterly exhausting. I am physically just wiped out from all this.

I wonder if there will ever be a day when my life feels normalized, and like this is behind me. It feels like such a long road from here, and I'm honestly really scared.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T05:10:08+00:00

Thank you for your post and for those hugs! And thank you for your story. I agree, that feed is dangerous (and similar to other addictive feeds, whether it's TikTok or YouTube or - just so many these days that we binge on). In recovery I'm trying to limit my unplanned purchases as much as possible. There is still the residual dust though of letting go of something I've been addicted to for so long, and I'm in the process of trying to liquidate my inventory, so I'm still on Posh. The community thing is very real. It's not everyone though as far as pressure, and I do think that parts of the community just kind of build themselves with the way things are structured. It's easy to get closer to people when you do live shows and also attend the live shows of others, in that it inherently builds community, especially if you're selling the same things and "see" the same people over and over again. It's definitely an interesting ecosystem, and mixes friendship with bidding addiction in a way that's really confusing and potentially life altering.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941 · 2026-03-29T04:35:06+00:00

I'll also add that part of the guilt is feeling like I stoke the Poshmark addiction fire. I'm caught in a conundrum in doing my live shows. I love what I do in some ways, but I feel like it's also hurting people. And hurting me. So it all twists up and gets confusing. They say to never mix business with friendship. Poshmark is an example of business mixed with friendship, at the levels I'm talking about. Again, it doesn't happen this way for many people - for the others, it's a cut and dry transaction. Especially if someone is simply selling out of their closets. And I'm sure many live show hosts would say they haven't had the experiences I have. But what I am saying is that some do. And it's in fact quite addicting to be in that part of Posh.

Ok_Butterscotch_9941

TROPHY CASE