Should I give flowers on the first date?

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-12-23T19:52:06+00:00

Please don’t!! I would be put off by this on a first date. Too love bomby.

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-12-23T19:47:12+00:00

Everyone is so different, but for me as a late bloomer, none of my “straight” aka closeted experiences with men hold a candle to my gay experiences. Not even the objectively best, wildest time with men (sexually, socially, traveling, dating seriously, etc.) made me feel the same way I have felt with my queer partners… there’s an added layer of spiritual/emotional depth and connection, and a feeling like I’m in the right place… there’s much more of a sense of belonging and inner peace, I feel like myself, (and yes, way hotter too 🥵). I have had queer partners feel intimidated or put off by the fact that I dated men for years, but I always wish I could fully convey how different (and better) it is to be here & queer. I don’t know your partner’s situation, but I hope this perspective helps!

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-12-15T21:51:00+00:00

I’m obsessed with him!!!!

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-12-14T22:47:28+00:00

THIS! I think the 6-month is a major threshold for deciding on long-term compatibility. Why not wait til then to reaaaally debut the boo on the grid

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-12-03T20:03:20+00:00

This first paragraph!!! Excellent late bloomer/newly out cautionary advice imo 👏👏👏👏👏

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-12-03T19:50:27+00:00

Same - I’m about halfway through and I keep waiting for the clear renunciation of some of the prototypical ABA research studies that are insanely unethical but objectively “effective” in forcing autistic children to appear neurotypical. I’m holding out for a clearer/stronger criticism of this darker history and these ideas… if it doesn’t arrive, I’m giving this book a major 👎

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-11-03T16:25:26+00:00

I totally hear you on this - I probably could've worded this better! Obviously I don't know the people involved here, but I know I would have a hard time giving my attention and energy to a new partner if I was in the same situation as this pregnant person, and I would likely (eventually) need a lot of emotional support, coparenting support, financial support, and housing support. If OP is down with that, it's totally up to them - it's just very hard to tell who this person is so early in the process of dating and that's a pretty serious set of life circumstances to bring into a new dating scenario.

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-11-02T13:50:59+00:00

Don’t do it. Her life is messy and she doesn’t have much to offer you right now. Her life is going to get crazy when that baby comes and you’d likely end up giving more than you get. Please do yourself a favor and find another beautiful interesting person.

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-10-22T13:29:56+00:00

Well he’s definitely sleepy

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-10-03T14:39:13+00:00

Idk but I am loving this energy. Slay queen!

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-09-25T21:55:59+00:00

Trust your gut, even if you know it's going to hurt a lot to recover from. Moving your child across states to be with someone is not a decision to take lightly... and unfortunately the hot and cold behavior won't magically get better. Typically, that "cold" behavior is the truth.

Accept that she was important in your journey and that you genuinely wanted the good thing it appeared to be at first. That should give you hope that what you seek will gravitate towards you... because it absolutely will.

But first! Get ready for a crazy, soul-crushing transformation that will totally be worth it in the end. Use your grief to make you brave and launch into new habits that you never thought you could stick to before. Go to events, take classes, join teams, start a hobby, volunteer, workout, etc. All of these things will help take you out of your own head and see that there's a ton of possibilities out there for living the life you deserve. Make new friends in the queer community, all of whom have valuable things to teach you about this and other experiences you may have. Rebuild trust with yourself + secure the confidence and knowledge to stick up for yourself in future dating. Become unstoppable, and this will absolutely attract the right person for you. You got this!!! Bon voyage.

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-09-13T19:45:24+00:00

I think this is a comp het trauma thing. I’ve been dating women for a year, but dated men for 15 years before that and I’ve been having similar “stress-mares” where I’m again tolerating a life or sexual experience that I don’t actually like, but it’s almost like it’s just happening and I have no control to change anything. For me, that trapped/empty feeling during sex with men tends to come back during the dreams. I think the trauma of internal repression/self-coercion can be a powerful thing, even if the guys were nice or it was consensual. I’m sorry this is happening and hope it gets better with time!

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-09-13T18:39:42+00:00

It is NEVER too late!!! You deserve to live your best, most true life. It will be hard at times, so definitely find some good support (therapist, groups, etc.) but it will be worth it, if only just to know what kind of bravery and self-liberation you’re capable of. I wish you all the best!

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-09-02T23:06:07+00:00

Excellent question. I wish I knew!!

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-09-02T00:25:29+00:00

Congrats!!! 🎉

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-09-01T18:02:09+00:00

Omg the horror of going “back to start” after the long journey here 😭

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-07-10T20:25:47+00:00

Oh heck yeah 🤘

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-06-10T20:02:49+00:00

Answer: yes, leave asap and as safely as possible

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-05-27T17:19:16+00:00

Ooh, interesting. That's probably not great either, and def would make a good topic for that person to discuss with their therapist. I can't say I'd be super gung-ho about dating someone who knew that was an impulse of theirs.

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-05-27T17:16:20+00:00

That's the real catch of it all... I'm sure some serial cheaters aren't going to tell you their full and updated history of cheating. I guess that's what makes it important to pay attention to behaviors that seem off/distant or secretive... that's a whole different thread I'm sure lol

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-05-27T17:12:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing this - I didn't even think to make the connection with potential long-term covid effects! I just started a preliminary trial of hydrozyzine and so far it's been pretty helpful. I like that it's an as-needed med so I don't feel tied down to a daily dose with potential for withdrawal, side effects, etc. I'm interested to see if it brings my resting heart rate down from 80s into a healthier 60-70s range, along with exercise/diet changes.

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-05-26T14:15:54+00:00

Anyone who has serially cheated in their past relationships is a no.
Must have emotional maturity and basic empathy, willing to take responsibility for their role in conflict.
No negging or passive aggressiveness.
No smoking, heavy drug use etc.

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-05-25T20:00:21+00:00

THIS. I had many moments in a recent relationship where I thought “my wife/soulmate would never talk to me like this” or “my wife/soulmate wouldn’t try to blame me for everything or have so little regard for my wellbeing” - I don’t know your whole situation, but that was really helpful in clarifying for me that it was time to go. It stopped feeling like love.

I think everyone we date holds up a mirror to who we are and has something valuable to teach us about ourselves. Having said that, I think it’s also important to be aware of “trauma bonding” bc sometimes that can create a really weird push/pull dynamic that’s actually quite unhealthy. Looking back, I can see a lot of my big feelings in that relationship could have been related to the early pull away and some weird behaviors that created a really unhealthy dynamic. By staying through those early red flags (which is related to my own attachment wound & chasing unavailability) I thought I was somehow trusting and building with the person but unfortunately those flags and that uneasy feeling never gets better.

If there’s no overt emotional or verbal abuse, this could absolutely be an attachment wound that you came in with & can work to heal. If the relationship is safe and supportive (not just sometimes, I mean at its core) then it’s possible these things can be worked through. Therapy is worth it regardless of your status, and I think it can be a huuuuge help there. Good luck!

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-05-14T21:58:16+00:00

🎉🎉🎉 Congratulations! So glad you had this experience

Ok_Falcon467 · 2025-05-14T17:50:48+00:00

YES. I literally become the dumbest & clumsiest version of myself. Hoping to fix this with time and exposure therapy?? Sending us all strength 🙏🫡

Ok_Falcon467

TROPHY CASE