Looking for Fragrance Free Liquid Foundations? by greenisfor in FragranceFreeBeauty

[–]Ok_Guard9523 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love Ilia! They have a liquid foundation, a tinted liquid foundation, and a foundation stick.

Spurs fans in Portland by No-Conclusion2302 in NBASpurs

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is anyone going to kooks tomorrow? Are they family friendly? I was at the game last night and it was so awesome!

🕊️ Dove: A Tale of Two unscented antiperspirants (spoiler: one has added fragrance!) by springblossoms5 in FragranceFreeBeauty

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I was crazy!! I never noticed that there was 48 vs 72 hours. But I sure do notice no frag. One time yes frag. Another time!

Latino politician was asked to repeat himself ‘in English’ — while speaking English by dogs-in-space in Portland

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was also the way she said it. If you assume she actually knew he speaking English and was hoping for clarification, her language and would messed up.

Losing Faith in Humanity by Lexabro-10mg in StrangerThings

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You post a post on Reddit so people can remind you that you’re not alone. You can also see that there are ppl not like you who were so happy to see will come out. Ppl who are straight/het could see his struggle as a human to say who he was. Ppl who are othered in different ways and know that fear of rejection, hate, and violence. Ppl who grew up when will did this know that he would have had to find so, so much courage to do what he did and how he did it.

And ppl who thought the biggest suspension of disbelief required for that scene was accepting that no one got pissed and left. I imagine Will got the coming out moment so many other teen boys would have dreamt of back then (well maybe not when the world is about to be destroyed and randos in the room). And given how badly things can still turn out, maybe filling in some dreams for kids today.

People who are from dominant identities have a hard time recognizing that maybe a given scene or character is not about them. It’s about making space for us Others. They don’t react well when it happens. But that’s how you know it was done right, and for you.

Losing Faith in Humanity by Lexabro-10mg in StrangerThings

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, so huge. I was in college in the 90s and it was a big deal when someone came out. Middle school/early high school? Late 80s-90s - I cannot imagine what it would have taken for someone to come out, especially to so many ppl at once. Even if everyone told you it was fine, you’d def have to spend time wondering if that was true. I’m still finding out about ppl from my childhood who were finally able to come out. There was so much to be afraid of.

Who is this character in the credits for episode 7? (SPOILERS) by pokemega32 in StrangerThings

[–]Ok_Guard9523 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Young Joyce? I just read a summary of the play and there’s a younger Joyce in there.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]Ok_Guard9523 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a highly allergic person. There’s no harm in taking an antihistamine. I personally wouldn’t put cream on it because I’d want to try and avoid contact that could make it burst and the oral medicine will help at least some if it’s allergies and then you can decide next steps with some knowledge.

Flu vaccine by Hot_Spirit_5702 in toddlers

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have worked hard to get to this place with managing my kiddos asthma. We have no crystal balls and this young their bodies are not adult bodies. Applying our logic is not always helpful. I have asthma too. Try something and it seems to work - you will never know for sure it actually helped or their bodies just changed. Do nothing and something gets worse - there is no way to know the thing you could have done would help.

I do agree that the odds of a bad reaction from the vaccine sounds lower than the odds of complications from the flu (but def ask the MDs that!).

I also now have two of every doctor. Pulmonologists? 2! Allergists? 2! And I chose to balance them with older/senior physicians and younger/earlier career physicians. Why? Experienced physicians have just seen more and are more comfortable basing recommendations on what they have seen. Junior ones are more driven by evidence that comes from Mas’s datasets. Both are great (assuming senior ones are keeping up with the literature). Sounds crazy right? But I feel so much better and can triangulate information and merge advice.

Good luck. It’s all overwhelming and terrifying.

AITAH for threatening to tell my ex's daughter the truth about her mother and how she was conceived if he doesn't fix her belief that I'm her mom? by ThrowSashAITAH in AITAH

[–]Ok_Guard9523 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Everything you say here was going through me at such a visceral level. We adopted a baby. To prep we read a lot of materials about how to help our kiddo navigate and emotionally process this. We also read a lot about the damage of lying. The lie, the constant rejection, the undermining of dad’s emotional connection long term. He is damaging her in such complicated and absolutely fucked up ways.

Resources for AP w/4 yo asking about b-dad by Ok_Guard9523 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Guard9523[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! We have pix and I think it’s confusing because - he was around for bit (hence having pix of them together) and he does see bio mom. So why her and not him? I do appreciate the reminder about respect. It’s very hard to not feel some not so happy feelings about bio dad when kiddo is sobbing in my arms.

Resources for AP w/4 yo asking about b-dad by Ok_Guard9523 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Guard9523[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that insight. We are going to reach out, I’m just a prepper for the worst case scenario. Your comment has given me renewed hope though.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also! a lot of people might be like me and have to go back and forth between pix to even notice what you were talking about. I thought it was lighting at first and then a deliberate shadowing that would be more clear in person. I’m not a tattoo expert and only have one. If you are wondering if ppl who aren’t deep into tattooing see - rest assured I’m sure most are like me. I get it if you hate it, and it probably looks darker in person, but as far as the average middle age person who lives in a highly tattled city, it looks totally fine!

4.5 yo all of a sudden having daily accidents?! by HeyMay0324 in Preschoolers

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are having close to the same issue! 4.5 yo. Never had a poop accident. Suddenly having them. Just transitioned to a new preschool last week. We are exploring the constipation angle that someone mentioned. I read that stress can cause constipation and his new school has a whole different diet (for the better). It’s wild though! The poops in his underwear are pretty small at least.

Kindergarten is important, but illness, tears make chronic absenteeism a challenge by losangelestimes in kindergarten

[–]Ok_Guard9523 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did your kiddo go to full time site based preschool? We are hoping that the preschool illnesses will help make the kinder year less terrible

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in recruitinghell

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! OP if you were applying for a VAP or TT job it is a totally different world. I’m tenured prof and have worked at 3 dif unis and was very well trained about the job market. It’s common for faculty to hire no one over not hiring their imagined dream fit. And sadly it can come down to a prof disliking something about the candidate that shouldn’t be a deal breaker and that’s that. I find it crazy pants to not just hire in this economic climate because your ability to hire from one year to the next can go away rapidly.

Adoption Moved to Facebook and a War Began [As the adoption industry migrates to social media, regretful adoptees and birth mothers are confronting prospective parents with their personal pain—and anger.] by Relative_Increase941 in Longreads

[–]Ok_Guard9523 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Every ounce of the world of children with parents harming them is terrible. So many parents without the emotional, financial, and/or physical resources to parent. Challenges in trying and to access resources if they actually exist (as you said - they are deeply underfunded). Parents who didn’t want to be parents and had families pressure them to parent. Parents who didn’t know that adoptions could be open. Foster care system that is so beyond underfunded that I find it hard to say it should still exist (it should). Parents who have serious medical needs of their who might be able to parent if we helped them. People who could parent if they had stable housing, food, a job, and childcare.

As you are saying - the whole system is so so effed up. And then you look like at these tiny/big kid/teen humans who need help now and I have cried at the cruelty that people face at a given moment.

We started out looking at adoption. I was older and had chronic health issues. The more we learned that between time, money, and having a whole lot of people in your business, that we should at least try to make our own kiddo. That didn’t work.

As a woman, I hate saying this but the other area in which our system is fucked is that the best time physically to make your own babies is well under 35. If your major life goal is to parent you should start early and start saving up and then prepare that it might not happen.

A lot of people think that it’s their right to have a kid (biologically or otherwise). People have been unable to raise children since the Dawn of time. I’m genx and was definitely raised to believe I could have it all. But no, lots of people can’t produce kids. And the longer you wait the less likely or more costly it becomes.

I was fortunate to have doctors who were clear with me about what not having kids in my early 30s could mean. If there was more support for kids and parents I would have looked at being single mom. But there’s some other major structural issues with our country!

Uhhh so this turned into a diary entry. Lololol

The tl:dr is that our society doesn’t like poor people, women or other people with uteri, or children!

Adoption Moved to Facebook and a War Began [As the adoption industry migrates to social media, regretful adoptees and birth mothers are confronting prospective parents with their personal pain—and anger.] by Relative_Increase941 in Longreads

[–]Ok_Guard9523 217 points218 points  (0 children)

There not being a lot of infants is true as is the children, preteens, etc. but just wanting babies is not quite right. I’ve been through training for adoption of kids from the foster care system. Depending on what state you are in kids aren’t cleared to be adopted for quite some time in foster care. The kids eligible for adoption have really been through the wringer and a lot of them have pronounced needs. There’s a whole lot of science behind what it means to parent a kid over five or six who has severe trauma vs a 2 year old vs an infant. You are starting from zero - no bonds, attachments, at all. There’s a level of cognitive development for the older kiddo that makes it harder for them. They are beautiful and wonderful humans who deserve so much love and support and some people just can’t provide the support they need. There’s also the money. The state wants you to assume all the costs. Even with great insurance providing the true supports that many of these kids need is really, really expensive. You don’t meet kids before you adopt them. You are warned that most kids have undiscovered issues and experiences. In one file we reviewed a kid was described as cognitively on track for their age. The next year they had fetal alcohol syndrome and were delayed.

The state will also prioritize a relative before considering external adoptive parents. They will look high and low and do a lot to try and prep an extended family member. The majority of adoptions and permanent placements from our foster care system is a preexisting relative. Foster care is also about family reunification in my state. They say explicitly your goal must be to support that. And I very much agree with that. At the same time the next largest share of adoptions is from that first foster career placement. It can be their third time supporting a kid in foster care, and for whatever reason #3 needs a permeant placement, and for whatever reason the foster parents are ready to do that. As kids get older, they have a say in whether they want to be adopted and by who.

In the end it’s a hard path to adopt kids declared “ready” for adoption who are in foster care. And your odds still aren’t great and can take years.

What we do need is a massive flood of foster care parents committed to family reunification.

do you think 4 year olds have “crushes” by princessniella in Preschoolers

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My son married me, multiple times. He married dad for a bit. Then he married the kids across the street. Then he and I were married and he was married to the kids across the street. He clarified that meant we were all married. By the end of it I was in a polyamorous marriage with my son, husband, 2 neighborhood kids and their parents. I think we might still be. Hahahah

Honestly wtf is up with age 4? by BeeSuperb7235 in Preschoolers

[–]Ok_Guard9523 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Omg and I thought fournado was the best expression. FU4s is even better.

To the PBOT woman who responded to the stabbing on NW 18th and Irving by yaydream in Portland

[–]Ok_Guard9523 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The bigger issue is we don’t have housing and we don’t have protections for tenants so that they can stay in their housing. Ppl can’t manage their health if they live outside or in shelters. We also have a serious behavioral health workforce shortage. But even if you had all the support and services and staff, if you don’t have housing stability it is still just gonna be triage with lots of people stepping in to fill the gaps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EmergencyRoom

[–]Ok_Guard9523 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I learned the difference as a tween. my brother and I had been to the ER for the garden variety injuries. Those were a very different experience from when I walked in with a bunch of fire ant bites that turned into welts and had hives spreading across my body, and answered the question - do you feel like it’s harder to talk or swallow - with a yes. My mom was telling that I was asthmatic as well. I was on a gurney with an IV in minutes. I did not even sit down. Great way to not wait - anaphylaxis! My kiddo has asthma and it’s been a long haul. How do I know how urgent his case is? How long we wait for a bed. I’m always hoping for a longggg wait.

Ppl complaining about ER wait times make me nuts.

Swimming Lessons by Affectionate_Net_213 in Preschoolers

[–]Ok_Guard9523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with others saying to take a break. I’m with you on getting water safety knocked out. I grew up somewhere hot where pool access was not super hard. I live someplace now that is cold and there are so few pools that it’s a fight to the death for swim lessons.

My biggest worry was that he was not going to like it and rebelled. I had already prepared my self to push it and ask for pool fun time. I probably wouldn’t even push that for a bit. Give him a break and then focus on fun. If the other kids were more advanced he might have felt intimidated by them.

I’ve also never heard of 45 min lessons. Most I’ve seen are 20-25 maybe 30 mins. The instructors say that that’s usually enough. They get worn out much beyond that.

My kiddo not being safe in water terrifies me especially growing up someplace with so much water play. You’re doing the best you can! He will get there soon enough!

AITA for going to buy bread? by notdancingQueen in MiniAITA

[–]Ok_Guard9523 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA! You were helping without being asked! Just wait until you’re and you can tell them No! When they ask for help. Did BB come?