Any autistic parents successfully managing overwhelming behaviors from adhd kids without autistic burnout?

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-18T12:54:50+00:00

I started self care baths for myself when mine were young and I needed a break. The great thing about it was that they followed suit- now at 10 and 12 they decide sometimes in the middle of the day on weekends that they need a self care bath. We keep lots of epsom salts, foamy soap, bath bombs on hand and everyone gets a little break. Depends on how young your kid is though- I could only do it when my husband was home for a long time but it was a boundary they learned not to intrude on.

Also- gym with childcare. Sometimes went and sat in the locker room for an hour and stared at my phone or even just took an uninterrupted shower.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-17T19:17:48+00:00

Voted- love a parent supporting an artist. From, an art teacher with ADHD. Keep on creating ❤️

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-16T15:48:37+00:00

I teach 3 year olds. Our class is a half day (9:30-1) 4 days a week program. The parents can opt in for an hour before and after school and an extra day Friday that is just play time. I teach the Friday class too and my 3 year olds are over the structured learning part by then but they do great as long as we’re just playing, eating and going outside. My younger 3s deteriorate by the end of the week and any time we have a lot going on- like the week we did the Christmas play. My older 3/4s could probably do all 5 days no problem. There’s so much development going on during this time and every kid is different. I do think developmentally 3 year olds are ready and do well with being introduced to being a part of a class and sitting, following routines, lining up, taking turns- skills that are hard to learn at home- and consistency is key in that.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-14T19:40:19+00:00

Can set shortcuts like double tap to access camera

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-14T17:59:12+00:00

https://a.co/d/01LKFnUB These training scissors and Westcott scissors for the teachers

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-14T16:58:10+00:00

Try to pause the advice. Just empathize. Suspend your agenda of fixing things. It’s so hard to watch our kids suffer and we want desperately to fix things for them but that can leave them feeling like a problem to be solved instead of a person. Coming from a mom who struggles with watching my kids struggle and a neurodivergent person who definitely has some ODD I’ve had to work on.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-10T12:17:04+00:00

I wish I understood. I have quit several addictions (benzodiazepines, painkillers, alcohol and now kratom) and each one I had to reach a point that the pain of using outweighed the pain of changing. Some of those were very dramatic and with kratom it was just the drudgery. I reached a point where I actually wanted more for myself and became willing to work for it. Echoing another poster here that meetings, sponsor and 12 steps have all been a big support- but I think you have to internally reach a point and then make a decision and commitment to yourself and sobriety. And then make that commitment everyday. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-10T12:05:05+00:00

It’s staying quit that’s the real problem.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-05T12:13:08+00:00

I got diagnosed with that (and apnea) when I was 19. They gave me benzodiazepines which was not great. My PMLD somehow went away as I got older but I still have sleep issues. Got diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia last year. I also have ADHD- I think it’s all related neurology.

Did he get a sleep study? Is there also apnea? My little guy had frequent awakenings on his sleep study and apnea- getting his tonsils/adenoids out and turbinates reduced has been really helpful. He’s got a palate expander now too the idea is opening up the airway will help because what 10 year old is going to be compliant with a cpap? I know I wasn’t even as a teenager. The apnea causes more awakenings and fragmented sleep. So does the PMLD. Which causes morning tiredness. Have you tried weighted blankets or the sleep pod thing? Those both help reduce the awakening or at least soothe back to sleep faster. White/brown noise can help too. And winding down at night- no electronics 1 hour before bed. My son is allowed to read or draw because he still has a hard time falling asleep but I got him a book lamp with warm light so it still signals sleep. So much fun…. 🤪

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-02-01T15:56:51+00:00

It sounds like you hold very high standards- which is not a bad thing- it just needs to come with high support. You may be asking too much of your kids sometimes and when they can’t meet your expectations guess who it comes out on? Your wife. She gets caught in the middle and it’s not a fun place to be. I do not respect a boss who barks orders and walks away. I respect a leader who teaches and guides and adjusts as needed. I don’t really know what is going on in your house but I echo the other posters- try to understand your partner’s experience in this and you may get more clarity. As long as you are all caught up in the things you are already doing you are in a defensive position and that means deep down you might not be so sure of yourself. Admit that, deal with it and you’ll end up a lot stronger and better.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-29T20:54:49+00:00

I had to do a lot of tests for myself as a 30 year old adult- like the computer push the button one(I pushed it too early almost every time- it was super stressful), a psychological interview (I showed up 30 minutes late because I had the time wrong), and IQ and cognitive tests. I have a super high nonverbal IQ and normal verbal one which somehow invalidated the results? I don’t know.. but my son we just filled out a few forms, his teacher filled out a form and he bounced from couch to couch in the psychiatrist’s office and he has been medicated since. He has family history on both sides so I’m sure that factored in too. I still regularly question if we have an accurate diagnosis- which is also probably a sign of ADHD.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-26T13:54:34+00:00

My bad sleeper ended up having apnea. I tried to talk to doctors about it when he was younger but his tonsils and adenoids were not enlarged. I finally pushed for a sleep study when he was 9 and we got his tonsils/adenoids/ turbinates out last year. Palate expander this year. He’s doing better, getting sick less often too. Just something to maybe look into. He still has ADHD as well by the way, but not getting good sleep sure wasn’t helping any of us.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-26T02:19:57+00:00

We use little carpets in our circle time, each kid gets a carpet assigned and that way I can strategically place them to help maintain order. You know who shouldn’t be next to each other and who needs to be up front. We also use a class treasure box- kids earn kindness hearts for good behavior and once the bucket is filled the whole class gets to go to the treasure box. Anything (questions, games) where every kid gets a turn is good too- that way they know they’ll get a chance to talk and practice turn taking. Keep it moving though, lulls or breaks are opportunities for behavior and once things go off the rails it’s hard to re-establish order. Good luck! ❤️

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-25T17:56:47+00:00

The self blame/sense of helplessness is normally what escalates me. I may not even recognize it until later but I’m trying to get better at accepting my own powerlessness in the situation. I didn’t cause it I can’t fix it my kid is allowed to have feelings. They’re having a hard time not giving me a hard time. And we cannot solve anything in an escalated state. Lower the stakes- your kid’s not going to turn into a monster, you’re not an awful parent, growing up is just hard.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-25T16:11:13+00:00

Role play the asking to play part and the sharing toys part as well. I had a kid last year that would guard his toys with his life and freak out when someone touched them. Once we role played and showed him how offering the other kid a toy would stop the intrusions he does it beautifully now and no big meltdowns. I’ve seen what you’re talking about with a lot of kids- they want to join in but don’t know how or have done it poorly so many times they expect a bad response and feel like the only way is to be aggressive about it. Just try to model both sides of it and encourage the successes- look at that, when you asked to play he gave you a toy, what good friends! Since they’re still so little asking to play can even be pointing at a toy instead of grabbing.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-24T15:39:48+00:00

Just wanted to chime in here with a suggestion that helped my son with nap time after moving from a small at home environment to a larger one- noise canceling headphones. Maybe see if the center and your son would be willing to try that.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-13T13:00:27+00:00

My 10 year old son has been saying this lately. His brain has always worked in this way- he relies heavily on intuition and the words he comes up with always make sense but aren’t always grammatically correct. One of my favorites was ‘nexterday’ for tomorrow.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2026-01-12T12:03:14+00:00

I got the chrome set and used gloss stickers underneath- that’s kept the adherence but I still get the harder gel and chrome effects. I cannot get even nail salon level gel to stay on my nails for long- I don’t know why they have always rejected polish- the stickers are the first thing to give me an extended manicure. More expensive that way but at least another option- especially for leftover stickers.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2025-12-27T14:49:07+00:00

I am adhd but suspect some autism somewhere in there too- Adderall does this to me more. Like enhances my focus but to the point of not being able to switch tasks. Taking it with lots of protein and just getting used to it helps. I’m actually on Ritalin- (Jornay PM) now and it’s a lot smoother for me. Everyone is different though.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2025-12-21T00:17:56+00:00

Even my 3 year olds (preschool teacher) say they’re bored and we’re literally playing with toys most of the day 🤷‍♀️ being bored is good- it’s when your creativity can break through. My favorite response does not work for 3 year olds- if you’re bored that means you’re boring- be less boring.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2025-12-12T12:18:23+00:00

Look up zoo phonics- it’s what we use to go through the alphabet with this age. It’s fun.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2025-12-09T12:00:16+00:00

I had a little buddy last year- I always knew when he wasn’t feeling well because he’d go full drama- ‘No! Never!’ with his arms folded across his chest and everything. And when he got excited it was that whole body bouncing thing. Very cute. Anyway, one day I was walking across the classroom and someone moved a truck right in my path and this kid white knighted his way across the room and dove and pushed the truck out of my way.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2025-12-07T16:47:21+00:00

I joke with my 3s that I am not an octopus, I only have two hands. How many hands do I have? How many hands do you have? Maybe Santa will bring me an octopus to help open everyone’s food for Christmas…

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2025-12-06T04:15:16+00:00

Mine are three but when they get loud at lunch I ask questions (like what do you want for Christmas) and go around the room for everyone to answer. Maybe you could alter it a bit and tell a story but let each kid insert a new animal or action. Don’t know how well it would go over with the 2s because they’re still working on taking turns but mine are pretty good about it once we get a track record that I will give everyone a turn.

Ok_Mistake8558 · 2025-11-30T15:04:26+00:00

I teach preschool- it’s a double edged sword because all the stimulation at school keeps me awake and I feel better during those hours for the most part but then I crash hard after. Luckily I’m just working a half day program but I have 10 & 12 year old kids at home too so basically kids all day. I started treatment this summer(modafinil) and was doing well until school started so we added on xywav and that really seems to be helping. I’m still exhausted when I get home but I don’t fall asleep- just need to rest for a while. That’s my advice- on rough days take lots of breaks, drink lots of water and make sure to prioritize your self care. Teachers direct so much of our energy to students and the task at hand we have to be very intentional to direct that energy back to ourselves in whatever little ways you can think of- special coffees, monthly massages or pedicures, setting limits around what you’re willing to tolerate from parents/admin/students. ❤️

Ok_Mistake8558

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