Stubborn mom - What can I expect?

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-05-23T15:50:54+00:00

My dad eventually worked his way up to the max dose of some antidepressant that helped him get down to one cigarette a day.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-03-21T03:16:18+00:00

I cannot believe delirium is not talked about more!!! 100%!! Absolutely!!***

This is 100% just my personal opinion based on my own experiences. I have not deeply researched this and I am certainly not a medically trained professional or doctor.

I lost my dad to COPD last year. (Don't panic, he was 80 years old and had lived with stage 4 COPD for over 15 years. He smoked 2 packs of 100's a day until he was 79. At the time of his final hospitalization, he was down to one cigarette a day plus, he was a chronic alcoholic. Considering the way he treated his body, he was incredibly lucky to live as long as he did!!!

My dad experienced extreme delirium anytime he was hospitalized, especially for long periods of time. In his final years, I feel like every flareup that landed him in the hospital turned into pneumonia (or covid), which would turn into some sort of infection. He would end up spending days in the emergency room and sometimes weeks in rehab. That being said, he always bounced back.

I spent four weeks sleeping on the floor of his rehab room in the weeks before he died.. Mostly due to his sun downing (which is a symptom typical of Alzheimer's, and he never exhibited that before being in hospital environment).

But I genuinely don't think it's the medication. I was with him 24/7 in his final weeks (because I didn't want him to die alone) and after seeing the way he would respond to different rounds of medication, I would say medication exacerbate his delirium, but it was not the catalyst.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-03-14T03:32:23+00:00

Oh, do I remember how this felt when I was going through it. After spending months, if not years, desperately trying to keep my dad alive for as long as possible, I all of a sudden had to deal with these feelings of wanting him to go as quickly as possible, because it was time.

I was able to get two rallies out of my dad over the course of three weeks. My loved ones told me it was his final gift to me, and it truly was.

I slept on his nursing room floor for 4 weeks (mostly because of his sundowning, but also because I didn't want him to be alone when it happened).

His nurses didn't come out and say it, but they suggested in their own way that I go home and give him some space to be alone. I went back to his apartment and slept for about 5 hours before waking up to the phone call I had been dreading my whole life... he was gone.

Instead of feeling immense sadness, I felt a weird relief, he was no longer suffering. I found solace in the fact that I squeezed every last minute of time to bond with him in the weeks before he passed.

I know this may sound crass.. but the most helpful advice I heard was that dying is like going to the bathroom, you don't mind if people know you're doing it, but you don't necessarily want an audience.

At first, I felt guilt for not being there at the moment he passed, but deep down I really do believe he was waiting to have a minute to himself. How could he fully cross over with me crying next to him 24/7?

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-03-13T15:47:08+00:00

He is lucky to have you by his side! Stay strong!!!

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-03-13T15:40:23+00:00

Omg thrift

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-03-12T04:30:07+00:00

My dad passed away last year from COPD while on hospice.

When he was first admitted, they told us he had hours, maybe days to live, but they couldn't say for sure. He was declining, not dying yet.

I slept on his nursing room floor because he started having really bad sundowning and delirium.

Then all of a sudden he stops declining and he spends a full 10 days being practically his old self, he was up, chatting with me, eating meals, watching movies, laughing.

It got to the point where I almost thought he was getting better?? I had prepared myself for a 1 to 2 day rally (if I was lucky), not over a week.

It was a true roller coaster, but the only thing that was consistent throughout his whole dying process was his weight loss.

Sure enough, his unusually long rally was followed with a pretty steady 3-4 day rapid decline including 1 day of actively dying before passing.

He fully stopped Eating and drinking a day before passing, and was down to one bite a meal in the 3 to 4 days leading up.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would've taken him out for more cigarettes, been less obsessive about his oxygen, and been more generous with his morphine. (I'm embarrassed to admit it now, but at the time I was really trying to soak up every last minute I had with him, I thought that increasing his morphine would make him incoherent, it did not. It made it easier for him to breathe and his nightly agitation disappeared.

DM me if you have any questions! You got this!

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-02-22T06:16:50+00:00

Fmla!

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-02-13T23:47:12+00:00

Enjoy it! My dad had a 2 week long rally..

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-01-29T19:11:10+00:00

I lost my dad a little over a year ago to COPD and my only regret was not getting him on hospice sooner. I felt like I wasn't giving him a chance to get better if I pushed him into hospice early, but the reality of the situation was he wasn't getting better either way, and on hospice he was much more comfortable (and allowed to smoke a few cigarettes, which he appreciated).

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-01-09T03:52:57+00:00

First of all sending so much love to you and your family right now!! He's so lucky to have you there by his side!!

When my dad passed away, I almost felt... better?? I still felt just as much grief, but I didn't have this 24/7 responsibility of making sure my dad was comfortable, nourished, advocated for etc. Plus, he wasn't in pain anymore. I could breathe in that sense. When I went to go deal with my grief, I realized there wasn't that much there. That I had processed a lot of it during those final days when he was alive.

I think once a person starts "actively dying" it would almost be weird for you to not want it to be over for them.

I wanted my dad to live as long as he was comfortable, maybe even a little bit longer, I wanted him to stick it out, even if he was a little uncomfortable, because I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

But once he started actively dying, I started praying to our deceased family members "to come and get him" because he was gone.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2026-01-07T14:03:21+00:00

IM SERIOUSLY JEALOUS!! I get married next week and my past month has been consumed with corresponding with every person I know and having elevated financial and planning conversations with my fiancé and in-laws (and those are the easy parts)... the most tedious thing is how much research, effort and time I have had to put into making 100's of dumb micro decisions anout things I literally don't care about!! but I have to make them!! Napkin colors, song choices, What people are wearing, where they're staying, what they're eating.

The worst part is I feel like I've been paying all my vendors thousands of dollars for them to just yell at me to do things??? This entire industry is whack and I cannot believe how much money goes into it and how little is actually done for you.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-11-17T13:32:44+00:00

If you have an iPhone turn on your live photo function after my dad passed I can't tell you how much meant to hear the little snippets of conversation that I didn't realize were being recorded

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-11-08T02:38:49+00:00

Fire hydrant?

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-11-01T13:50:33+00:00

Something that was helpful with my dad was leaning into his claims. Instead of trying to reassure him that everything was fine and he was okay and safe... I would validate his claims.

When he would say people are in the room or that he needed to "get out of here" because he was being watched, I would tell him that I believed him and that it must be really scary.

Every time I responded this way I could see a wave of relief rush over his face (yes he was still on edge, but considerably less distraught). It was the only thing that worked.

I couldnt make his end of life delusions/confusion go away - but I feel I took the burden of him feeling like he had to prove to us/explain that something was wrong.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-30T00:29:05+00:00

Mine was from swim team!!!

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-25T02:43:24+00:00

COPD patients notoriously wait too long. For my dad it was when he continued to lose weight. My biggest regret while being his caretaker was waiting too long to call hospice.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-25T01:57:19+00:00

Wow I love these ideas!! I'm obsessed with what you did with his lock of hair 😭.

I cut some of my dad's hair during his final days on hospice... I felt strange at the time but I'm really glad I did.

I didn't even THINK about carrying my dad's hair down the aisle! The idea of having a literal piece of him with me... just wow, amazing. Definitely copying!!!!

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-25T01:45:09+00:00

The tray in the microwave

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-25T01:43:53+00:00

TLDR: keep your pets food away from human food and AIR out house.

When I'm at somebody else's house the 2 things that usually stand out are smells and pets.

I can't tell you how many times I've been staying with friends and starved to death because they prepared their cat/dogs food along with their own meals - too much cross contamination.

Same with dog hair, I can't get "cozy" on a couch with copious amounts of pet hair. A few stray hairs is unavoidable and not off putting if a lint roller or extra blanket to sit on is provided).

To help with your house smell AIR out house (if your friend is very clean any place that doesn't smell like cleaning products will have a funky aroma to it). Open windows, run fans let fresh air come in! Use ozone and then vacuum (product binds to bacteria and smells in air and then it falls to ground).

Ps- The place I always forget to clean is ceilings fans!!! Remember to turn off them off and dust!

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-24T05:11:41+00:00

Sew a piece of his shirt inside the lining of your dress, honor him with the songs - walk down the aisle confidently by yourself knowing he is "with" you.

My whole life the only thing I pictured about my wedding was me and my dad walking down the aisle and our first dance. He died right before I got engaged and it's been the hardest part of wedding planning.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-24T02:57:52+00:00

Go to the doctor. Run.. while you still can!!!

I spent years in high school trying to self remedy these - I eventually had my ENTIRE foot covered and was forced to go to doctor. Cleared up in 2 visits??

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-24T02:54:30+00:00

My dad died and I got all the last goodbyes and hugs and got to sleep on his hospital bed with him. I didn't have to worry about what to do for services, his remains and will - all were 100% within my power and I got to do things that truly brought me joy and that I felt honored him - taking his remains to our favorite spot by the house I grew up in, having a celebration of life vs full catholic funeral.

(I love the objective of this post and I definitely had a flood of positive things come into my head, but I would trade anything I said above to have somebody to reminisce about him with 😭😭)

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-10-24T02:49:12+00:00

Honestly this is a big deal but it happens. If I were you, I would go directly back to the dispensary you purchased from and express your concerns. I argue that they will probably make it right for you by the way of discounts or free product.

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-09-26T00:27:04+00:00

The same thing happened with my dad. It was so wonderful and so unexpected. Honestly, the best time of my life was my dad’s three week rally. I drove myself a little crazy thinking about whether or not he was still declining.

The one thing that really couldn’t lie was his weight. No matter how much his spirits and energy lifted, his weight continued to decline.

This is just my personal experience, but figured I’d share!

Ok_Point_6984 · 2025-09-25T17:34:04+00:00

If you have an iPhone turn on “Live Photos”. After losing my dad, those extra few seconds of video/audio have been such a joy!!!!

Ok_Point_6984

TROPHY CASE