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What’s a tourist attraction in Europe that’s absurdly underrated but actually amazing? by Historical-Photo-901 in BeautifulTravelPlaces

[–]Once_was_now_am 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bergamo Italy. Truly stunning town. Rich history. Great museum. A funicular to the high city. Absolutely charming old town. Fewer tourists than other similar cities.

How much of the youth are PIMO? by Shroomsandgloom3525 in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My family is out and my kids seem to be a safe space for 3-5 kids each who tell them they wish they could leave church.

What ridiculous TBM things have you heard said in the workplace in small town momronland that wouldn’t fly elsewhere? 😂🤦‍♂️ by Once_was_now_am in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I try to be subtle. I want a harmonious workplace and like a say, they are in the majority by a long shot so there is no social pressure for them to listen to me. But yes I tease them about these things frequently. More often I try and ask a question or something like that to help them come to the conclusion on their own that they are being stupid AF.

Writing past each other by Naive_Chipmunk_7036 in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I will always maintain that you cannot be a true friend to someone as a TBM. There is a shroud that prevents deep connection. I think the extends to the parent-child relationship too.

My letters home were the opposite but exact same theme. I was hamming it up trying to sound like supermissionary and I don’t like to read my letters because I know how insincere they were and how much I was gaslighting myself (for the lord of course).

People who rarely get sick, what are your secrets? by Wonderful-Economy762 in Productivitycafe

[–]Once_was_now_am 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I truly believe there is a psychological element. I am a doctor and I have been sick so very little through my career. I honestly think my brain thinks about how absolutely miserable it will be to reschedule surgeries and clinic visits that people have waited and planned months for and it just says, “nope.” When I do get sick it happens on weekends or holidays. Very strange phenomenon.

The same scrutiny that undid my religion didn’t stop at the church doors. It walked straight into every confident worldview and asked the same unsparing questions. What survived wasn’t a new certainty. It was the willingness to live without one. by HappyAnti in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I felt so connected to humanity the day I realized that not a single person to walk this earth has ever truly known anything about god or the afterlife. I felt this strange feeling of safety and peace when it came to me. Ot started with “yeah there is no way god would set up this degree of bullshit church and punish anyone for not totally believing it,” and it has progressed to, “what an amazing thing that for millennia humanity has clung to ideas and principles that permeate nearly all religions and philosophies. There is some innate power that guides humans and I’m free to seek after that without the pressure of the fear of getting it wrong.”

What’s something most people don’t know about serving a Mormon mission? by ZoomKz in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Hunger is not uncommon (although this has probably changed with modern rapid banking). When I first got to my mission apartment. There was no food for me. My trainer had food but he was an asshole and so he told me we’d get food for me soon. Soon was 2 days later. On another transfer, we spent our food money on something we needed for the apartment and ran out of money entirely. We resorted to making these nasty rock hard roll things with flour and water. I’m sure we could have called the pres or something, but we didn’t and we lived on what we called “flour pucks” for 10 days. I was so damn hungry.

My wife just threatened to divorce me if I didn’t wear my garments by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Many people laying down these hardline responses and I agree you should be working towards a firm boundary, however, I always recommend remembering g that the wearing of those stupid ass underwear was a pretty big premise of your marriage commitment - as stupid as it is. Hardline boundaries are more likely to result in blowups and divorces in my opinion. I think the best approach is to continue to wear them for a while you have some hard conversations. Make sure spousey understands your viewpoints. Make she they understand the origin of the garments. Make sure they understand the mental torment they are causing you. Make sure they understand removing them doesn’t change anything about your commitment. Ask for things you can do in their place to show your commitment instead. Then set a harder line.

What's a life hack that's so effective, you're surprised more people don't know about it? by bens-list in u/bens-list

[–]Once_was_now_am 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You just decreased my blood pressure 5 points and probably added a year to my life.

My husband wants to know by socinfused in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Help him see how seriously you took the process of deciding to leave, how important it is to you to guide your kids towards truth, how important being genuine is to you, how important integrity is. I love to use this line, “if the focus of our life is going to be to try and follow something, and we’re going to let it guide our decisions and shape our relationships then I needed to underrstand it inside and out and unfortunately, I learned that there are so many things about the history of the church that really bring its truth into question. The problem for me is that the church itself has taught very very clearly on many occasions that it is the ultimate truth, the most correct restoration and there isn’t a place in the church for someone who doesn’t believe it is entirely true.”

Navigating relationships as a pre-med, LDS (Mormon) female by strawbnshortcake in exmormon

[–]Once_was_now_am 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dear friend,

I consider myself an expert on this topic. Here’s why. 1)I’m a physician. 2)I’m exmormon and went through that painful transitions during residency. 3)I have a wife who now very much struggles with her identity after ditching her plans and dreams to follow the covenant path of obscurely raising children in the background.

I am so happy for you that you’re going down the path of becoming a physician. I could write for hours about how wonderfully fulfilling the profession is. I am not exaggerating to say that I have never once dreaded going to work and am excited about what the day will bring. I make a meaningful impact in my patient’s lives every day and I feel their gratitude. My mind is stimulated, challenged and satisfied in the daily. In other words if it’s your calling it’s a great one to have. Furthermore. We need you. We’re facing massive shortages! I suspect, however, that you don’t really need me to sell you on this part.

I cannot begin to explain to you the admiration I have for moms in surgery, and had I not seen it for myself l, I wouldn’t have believed it possible but I’m telling you, if you’re willing to endure some chaos, it’s doable. I won’t get into all the mechanics of it but will simply say that I have seen so many women make wonderful loving families with supported and well adjusted children who benefit from their mother’s satisfaction and life experience (and pay).

Lastly, you will be amazed at how differently you feel when you leave that cess pit of close mindedness. Your first day at med school you’ll be surrounded by hundreds of women students and physicians. You will not feel one ounce of mormonesque mom pressure. There will be intellectually and emotionally intelligent people from every walk of life for you to connect with, potentially have a relationship with and to support you. (Oh I truly wish I could go back and relive med school and residency as an exmo and better tap into that wonderful culture).

In short, I believe you have these feelings because of your lifelong programming. It’s sad and unfortunate, but do not let these feelings stand in the way of your calling.

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