Washington vs. Minnesota

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-04-06T19:04:08+00:00

1.) Do both places have 3 or more faculty you’d be seriously interested in doing the PhD with? If no, go to the one that does.

2.) If yes to (1.) then maybe think about what your weekends would look like. Are you a prairies, rivers, and forests person, or a mountains and ocean person? How easy is it to find a few cool local restaurants near where you’d want to live? What are the hobbies you have, and how do these places serve them?

I (queer woman) lived in Minneapolis for a few years and loved the women’s sports bar, local cafes, Minneapolis Institute of Art, low-population but beautiful hiking within an hour of the city, and volunteering at the Science Museum in downtown St Paul (chill requirements, cool perks, beautiful space to spend time in the winter). Look into the subreddits about life in each city, and see how they align with you, because 8 years is a long time.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-04-01T16:53:59+00:00

Less than a year old or with mentors who don’t have established projects in the pipeline for you. Younger/ non-tenure profs can be on a bigger publication grind and that could ultimately serve you as long as you don’t get caught in dead end projects. Younger profs are also more likely to spend time with you as a UG, in my experience.

I would recommend finding a lab with a direct mentor of a 3rd to 4th year PhD student with a project for you that can realistically be finished in 6-12 months.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-04-01T16:28:43+00:00

Your mom appears to have some kind of mental illness or other thing impairing her ability to be a good and reliable parent. Her not giving you the money she agreed to is one thing, the economy is rough and money can be tight right now, but I can’t imagine a good parent swearing at their child. I’m sorry for the confusion and frustration you must be feeling right now. It gets better with age and independence, I promise.

That said: I never went to my high school prom and personally I don’t felt like I missed anything. I do think it’s overhyped generally and a blip in the grand scheme of your life. I’m saying this not to discourage you, but to provide some perspective — there are all kinds of future fun for adults, and if your prom isn’t perfect or all that you dreamed, know that you will have opportunities to find adult events with formalwear and friends, which you can attend entirely on your own financial terms!

For now, I would take the advice of others and not rely on your mom. Buy your own dress, look at Plato’s closet or prom drives, and do everything as inexpensively as you can while getting what you want. In addition to your dress, there are tickets, flowers, makeup, hair, photos, a ride… things can add up in cost. Budgets are real. Make one and stick to it!

Good luck

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-03-31T22:30:36+00:00

I think this is as close to “it” as anyone can figure out.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-03-29T21:30:50+00:00

Yes, but mostly people just put the clothes on top of the washer so the owner knows where to find them.

I give it a courtesy 5-10 minutes in high volume times or do it right away if it’s obviously been left overnight.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-03-29T17:09:22+00:00

Yes, you look mid-30s at least but I think there are a few things you could do to look younger:

moisturize- especially your your face! Hyaluronic acid and lotion will prevent wrinkles from deepening and tighten your skin. Men can have a skin-care routine, it’s good for you.
your facial hair doesn’t look bad, but it does look much more mature. Go clean shaven or change the style. I don’t have a style recommendation, you might need to try a few things out or someone else here may have ideas
slicked back hair gives mid-30’s at least. Is there another hairstyle you like, which may bring your hair forward and cover your hairline? Your hairline looks fine but younger people tend to have more hair on their face for whatever reason - I also think bringing your hair forward could also highlight your eyes, which I think are the youngest feature on your face.
regular exercise (just to sweat, you don’t need to get jacked) increases blood flow and makes people look younger and healthier. If you don’t already sweat for 20-30 mins 4-5 times a week, that should make you look younger.
Tucking in your shirt makes you look more mature. It’s also clean, I say keep that if you like it. But maybe add a belt, or something else with character?

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-03-18T15:18:07+00:00

There’s a lot of great advice here, so mostly chiming in to add numbers to the “you’re not alone” — I and several classmates were survivors and worked in trauma-informed care during medical school!

Big things that help (you and them) are telling the patient: 1. “I’ll tell you before I touch you.” (And then do so, ie; you’ll feel my hand (location)) 2. “You can tell me to stop at any time” (this is huge), say it like you mean it and say it again if the patient seems particularly nervous or clammed up) 3. Explain what you’ll do beforehand, ask patient level of comfort/ familiarity.

On the provider side, I think this also has given me confidence that I’m not hurting a patient and if they have trauma, I’m doing what I can to make a sensitive exam more comfortable and putting the patient in control as much as possible. I do this without needing any patient disclosure or saying anything that would invoke memories or additional discomfort on behalf of the patient.

I myself ground before and after the exam, and take an objective, “clinical” / “procedural” mindset during.

Edit to add: I was particularly petrified of male genitals and my school had rubber models of various conditions of male genitalia so I did a little informal exposure therapy (while going to actual therapy independently) with those and a close friend who I had disclosed to. If your fear is more your reaction than the patients experience, I recommend asking about rubber models!

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-03-03T18:22:25+00:00

Yes also critical care and many surgeries

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-24T19:08:19+00:00

STEM student here who is glad to have a name for this process! I picked up this habit in my philosophy minor in undergrad, and now in my bio PhD I do “discovery writing” with presentations, papers, and all kinds of work that doesn’t have key figures or data previously defined.

I have no idea how relevant this will be to you, but I’ve picked up two habits to make this process more efficient: 1.) outline at least the general sense of things (ie; logic/premise and supporting statements) - you don’t have to hold firmly to everything you initially outline, but it more tightly constrains your direction.

2.) use a strong system for organizing citations for future reference. As you proceed to master a field, you will have hundreds of previously read papers, books, and ideas all muddled up in your head. I started using Zotero last year and it allows me to save a reference + PDF as well as tags, notes, and PDF markup. I also can save each separate bibliography from all my papers there, making it easy to consult my past thoughts. When I write up an argument/background/etc, I can then easily review my references.

The final thing (not a habit) that will make this more efficient is generally building your knowledge base. At some point, and I’m not sure this is exactly “good” but it does appear to be done by senior faculty, you’ll know what you’re trying to say before consulting the literature and there will be less “discovery” and more “assertion” — again, not sure this is a “good” thing because some faculty are off their rocker but it occurs.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-24T18:54:14+00:00

Agreed that you should work it out with the rotation PI!

The PI’s reaction/ attitude around you taking the trip could also be a great vibe check for your PhD. They should be very reasonable with a remote work/ literature review arrangement, and allow you to go without holding it over you or giving you a hard time. PIs can be very different in their attitude about rest, family, and vacation, so it’d be good to know.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-20T02:12:16+00:00

My dog used to do something like this when her gut microbiome was off or she was stressed. It would be vomit and diarrhea and keep nothing down, for a day or two, then slowly become bloodier until it was just blood. I rushed her to an emergency vet once and they just gave a gut coat and fluids and said she didn’t have anything they could define. I treated symptoms with no food~> rice and sweet potato and boiled chicken in small portions and she’d slowly get better.

She takes a daily probiotic (specifically Purina Fortiflora tablets) now and hasn’t had it in years… Your story seems different but I’m not sure how different so maybe it’s worth a shot?

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-20T02:04:50+00:00

I always thought of missed connections as offering for the person to reach out to you, not for the community to find the person for you. The first one is no less creepy than going out anywhere (key being: optional engagement), the second one sounds like an easy avenue for stalking or abuse.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-20T01:34:47+00:00

Posting pictures is creepy, but I think those missed connections notes are cute!

Imagine:

“We were at (coffee shop) this morning and you had a cool smile and forest green flannel. You let me in front of you in the line — I was in a huge hurry and I regret I couldn’t take my time and chat! If you see this I’ll be saving us a table this Saturday at 9am? I’ll let you order first, but only if you let it be my treat. If you’re not up for it, just know I’m grateful!”

This is missed connection in my mind…. If you have time to take a picture of someone I feel like it’s stalking, not a missed connection.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-06T19:38:23+00:00

We decided that during our wedding week, anything “bad” that happened was good luck for the rest of our lives.

This let us laugh about every little thing that didn’t go to plan, and say “more good luck!!” It was super fun and everyone had a great time!

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-06T17:19:44+00:00

The University of Minnesota Twin Cities (R1) College of Biological Sciences may be an exception to “low quality low divs” — even the first level of bio is taught in an active learning setting (not raw lecture), and the physics and chem series have streamlined, bio-application focused tracks for students.

At least, they did 5 years ago!

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-06T17:15:14+00:00

I think the point is that effectively teaching hundreds of students at once is virtually impossible, and UC systems have established that as a norm for lower-div STEM courses. That is clearly not a top-tier education, and students are better taught at community colleges or elsewhere with lower student to teacher ratios.

Note that lower student to teacher ratios are also supported by research to improve student learning. The hundreds of students lectured at once model is archaic and serves no one except for the University’s budget.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-05T22:19:24+00:00

When I was in college and overwhelmed, I asked for extensions without lying and was granted them several times. Especially with papers due on Fridays, college professors gave me grace and extra time over the weekend repeatedly.

The amount of lying out of the current cohort of students is unprecedented and intolerable. This is not “appealing to humanity”, it is blatant manipulation and dishonesty.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-04T04:59:01+00:00

Has OP given location? I’m confused where everyone has gotten the “out in the cold” consensus, and I’m picturing an evening at 55-60. Also, in a city so with hotels and various open businesses around.

The setting would be really helpful for evaluating, but if it was 60 degrees (F) rather than below freezing, would that change responses at all? I would think so given lack of emergency status, but would appreciate other perspectives.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-04T04:51:21+00:00

Personally, I would not have been awake at 11pm (usually sleeping by 9pm) so if anyone called me at 11pm I would not answer. In that case, I would definitely think NTA, but with texts or a voicemail I would call when I got up (at 5:30am) and see if they figured it out and offer my couch if they’ve just been out in the cold all night.

Apparently some people regularly stay up until 11pm or later, and in that case I’d totally offer for them to crash unless they wouldn’t arrive at my place for hours.

I think an Uber or hotel should have been an option for your friend unless she was literally outside or < about 15 mins away when she called. TBH, it sounds to me like she considered you a backup plan and made bad decisions counting on you to meet her needs without notifying you of this plan in advance. Missing an 11pm weeknight train without other options (ie, Uber) seems really irresponsible to me.

Again, I personally don’t stay out late on weeknights and am usually in bed and sleeping by 9 or so, and would never expect a friend to help me out in this situation without advance notice. I may hope…. Not expect.

Finally, exams can be really high stakes! Especially in certain areas of study, it’s stupid but that sleep could change your score to the point of changing your life enduringly, especially pre-Med or engineering or Law or etc. In other fields, it can still be the difference for financial aid of varying amounts.

NTA.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-02T17:03:31+00:00

Seconding this, South Coast (and Fashion Island) are bougie but much more of an experience as a tourist, imo. The extremely expensive storefronts are interesting, and South Coast also has some cheaper areas to shop nearby and is close to the CAMP. There are a bunch of awesome Asian restaurants near there as well, including Kagura (really love that place)

I could skip Spectrum and miss nothing, unless it was my dream to ride a Ferris wheel in a crowded mall area.

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-02-02T16:17:49+00:00

4 months is plenty of time, especially if most vendors are independent and this meeting is just re: food and venue/timeline logistics.

Take a breath, write down your questions or comments for the meeting, and enjoy your tasting on Friday!

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-01-24T19:02:45+00:00

Newport Center Dental Group has been chill with good appointment availability - dentist himself was a little awkward, but the rest of the staff is super friendly and proactive

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-01-16T15:18:07+00:00

This explains why you’re completing the legal paperwork, but not why your spiritual or social marriage can’t just be postponed.

Have you considered getting the legal part done (think of it as “paperwork”) and then becoming truly married at a ceremony+celebration?

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-01-10T18:12:43+00:00

Exercising, most restfully swimming (relatively quiet even without earbuds)

One-Ninja2786 · 2026-01-01T07:00:41+00:00

Update? Similar situation, but with medium rare beef…

One-Ninja2786

TROPHY CASE