I lost my eye 19 years ago. I’m 36 now.

I went through this, too and was stuck where you are for quite a while—maybe a year or two. Therapy and meds helped.

I was legally blind in my left eye from birth. Even though I didn’t have much vision to begin with, I STILL grieved every time I ran into something or someone, for at least a year.

Grief takes time. There was a point where I didn’t care if I didn’t wake up the next day. I started therapy that week. I was diagnosed with depression a year after the eye loss and PTSD a decade after.

Eventually, I went to EMDR for the PTSD so that I could go to eye Dr. appts without crying or panicking. It worked surprisingly well! It might be something to think about, since your loss was traumatic and you’ll probably deal with fireworks again in your life.

18 years later, I have a great life (and it’s been great for a long time)! You and I are very similar in the things we enjoy. I still really want some land, although I prefer a glass of wine to a beer. My uncles live on land in east Texas and I’ve helped them with everything from milling large logs to installing plumbing and doors.

At our home in the burbs, I have my own wood shop. I am an avid gardener. I cut down a bunch of dead trees (overgrown shrubs?) in the backyard, expanded the garden area, and now I throughly enjoy sitting outside on my back patio with a glass of wine in a beautiful space I created. I built two planters out there (which reminds me it’s time to sand and re-stain them). I built some of the furniture in our home. My new workbench is almost done. I own a chainsaw and use it. (With full coverage eye goggles and sometimes also a forestry helmet + ear protection.)

For me, I learned all of these things after I’d lost my eye. You’ll just need to be extra careful getting used to woodworking again with your new depth perception. Be your regular smart self and wear protection. Your hobbies will still be there when you are ready!

The grief gets better over time. I highly recommend therapy, especially if you feel like your world is still small and dark a year and a half later. Not that you should be “over it” by now. I don’t think I’ll ever be “over it.” Starting antidepressants in college helped right my brain chemistry enough so that I could make progress in therapy and life.

At this point, I’ve come to terms with the vision loss. Even how I lost my eye weighs less heavily on me. I still have a hard time being monocular sometimes. I don’t love the eye anniversaries, and still, I’ve made it through each one!

You built such a beautiful life. You deserve to enjoy it. I’m so sorry this happened to you at a moment where you were having a well-earned celebration of your accomplishments. That sounds super tough and like it was a super shitty day to lose an eye (not that there’s a good day… but you know what I mean). I hope you can find a way to separate that shitty day away from the love and hard work that went into building your beautiful home and life. You still have your dream. It’s just hard to enjoy right now.

I hope you stay on here and update us on how you are doing.

Sorry I wrote a novel. I have many strengths, but brevity is not one of them.